Mistakes We Wouldn't Learn From

[Alex]

I woke up the next day with a splitting headache. Checking my phone, I saw that it was almost two in the afternoon. I sat up with a groan and looked around, only to see the others staring straight at me. I winced at the daylight, squinting. “Holy shit, my head is killing me. Do we have any pain killers?”

“No,” Matt said flatly, still staring at me with a pissed look on his face.

“What crawled up your ass?” I muttered. I realized that the others had the same facial expression. Was everyone in a pissy mood? The only people missing from the van were Rian and... Zack. “Oh, fuck! Zack!”

“Yeah, Zack. You know, the boyfriend you were a complete asshole to last night?” Evan said with a scowl.

I grimaced as the memories of last night came flooding back to me. “I know, I know, I remember. Shit, where is he?”

“With Rian around the venue somewhere. We haven’t left Buffalo, New York yet. They went to get lunch and ate outside, because Zack is avoiding you,” Jack told me with a sigh.

I jumped up and got out of the van quickly, ignoring my throbbing head. Last night replayed in my mind as I searched around for Zack. My stomach churned at the memory. I had never been that cruel to Zack. I guess the combination of exhaustion and a little too much alcohol turns me into an asshole. The bad part was that I wasn’t even completely wasted.

I finally spotted Rian and Zack sitting on the ground near the far wall of the venue and I headed toward them. “Zack!” I exclaimed, getting closer to them. Zack looked up at me and I felt my heart sink at the scared look on his face. “Zack, I-”

Rian cut me off before I could even say anything, standing up to face me. “Why the fuck do you have to be such an asshole sometimes?” he demanded.

“I didn’t mean to! I am so sorry, Zack,” I said, looking past Rian at Zack. He was avoiding my eyes. Rian began to start cussing me out again, but Zack stopped him.

“I-It’s okay, Ri. Let m-me talk to him,” Zack said in a quiet tone.

“Alright,” Rian sighed, scowling at me once more before walking away.

I sat down in front of Zack, and he pulled his knees up to his chest. “Baby, I am so, so sorry. I guess I drank a little too much...”

“No shit.”

I grimaced, “I really didn’t mean to. I just-”

“A-Alex, let me talk,” Zack interrupted.

“Sorry.” I shut my mouth immediately, nodding.

“I had a panic attack because of you. Rian and Matt had to come comfort me because of your stupidity,” he said, jabbing a finger in my direction. I frowned, feeling horrible. I was supposed to be the one to help him out with his panic attacks, not be the cause of them. “Do you even remember what you said to me?” he asked bitterly.

“Yes,” I said softly. How could I not? After letting those harsh words slip, they were permanently burned into my mind.

“You have no idea how much that hurt, Alex. Hearing that from you was worse than hearing it from a hundred people,” Zack said, his voice cracking. “It’s one thing to hear it from people I don’t know, but it’s completely different when it’s someone who means a lot to me.”

“I-I...” I stammered, unable to form words. Tears were forming in his eyes. No, no, no, don’t cry!

“Alex, I can’t deal with this kind of thing if you’re going to do it the whole time we’re on tour,” he said, his tears spilling over.

“I won’t! I’ll make sure I don’t! I’ll stay by your side all the time if you want. I won’t hang out with the other bands. I’m so sorry, Zack. I would never try to hurt you on purpose. I feel terrible right now,” I said, bordering on desperation. My own eyes started filling with tears when I saw that Zack was crying. I’d never forgive myself if I lost him over something my stupidity had caused.

“I-I know it wasn’t on purpose, but it doesn’t make it any better. My anxiety can’t handle you being like that every day,” Zack choked our through tears. He tried to stop himself from crying, but he was just making it worse.

“I won’t drink as much if it’s going to make you this upset, Zack. Hell, I won’t drink at all, if you don’t want me to. I don’t like seeing you like this, especially knowing that I caused it,” I said, feeling a few tears escaping from my eyes.

Zack shook his head, “Y-you don’t have to stop drinking completely. Just please don’t do it much, and don’t drink so much at once. P-promise?”

“I promise,” I said immediately, hastily wiping the tears from my cheeks.

“Thank you,” Thank you,” he said quietly, looking down as he wiped his face.

“Dammit, Zack. Can I hug you, or are you gonna push me away?” I asked, my voice cracking slightly because I was trying not to cry anymore. He nodded and I hugged him close to me, feeling him shake slightly as he was trying to stop crying. I pulled away after a minute, realizing how upset he still was. I lifted his chin to look into his reddened eyes. “Zack, I promise you; I will never try to hurt you on purpose. I didn’t mean anything I said to you last night. Even if I do hurt you, it’s because of my own stupidity. I don’t deserve someone as good as you.”

“I don’t deserve you,” Zack mumbled in protest.

“Don’t say that. You’re amazing. Anyone would be lucky to have you,” I said, shaking my head. He let out a whimper of protest, a few final tears falling. I wiped his tears away gently, “Don’t cry, Zacky.”

“Don’t call me that,” he whined, grimacing at the nickname.

“You know you love it,” I chuckled softly, reaching down and lacing our fingers together. “So... do you forgive me?”

Zack looked at me for a minute before nodding. “I forgive you. I know it was a mistake.”

“Good,” I breathed a sigh of relief, leaning back against the wall beside him.

He wiped the remaining tears off of his eyes, mumbling to himself, “He was right, I am a fucking baby...”

“Who said you’re a baby?” I asked in confusion, looking at him.

“Hmm?” Zack asked innocently, looking up at me.

“You said that someone called you a baby,” I frowned.

“I didn’t say that,” he said, shaking his head and squeezing my hand.

So he was going to play stupid? I raised an eyebrow, “Then what did you say?”

“I-I said... I said I hate fighting with you, baby,” Zack said, blushing.

“I hate fighting with you too. I’ll try to stop being so stupid,” I said with a slight smile, leaning in to kiss him gently. I knew that he had said something else, but I didn’t want to push it. I had just fixed things between us – I wasn’t going to fuck it up again that fast.