Mistakes We Wouldn't Learn From

[Zack]

“Zack, are you okay?” Rian asked, kneeling down in front of me.

“D-does it fucking l-look like I’m o-okay?” I demanded, hastily trying to wipe away my tears.

Rian grimaced, “Sorry. What happened? Matt tried to explain, but he ended up almost strangling Alex. Evan had to break up the fight.”

“A-Alex drank too much. He was being an asshole. He-he said I’m j-just some anxiety-ridden kid who n-needs to be checked on every t-ten minutes to make sure I’m n-not cutting myself or breaking down,” I hiccupped, unable to get my words out clearly. Anger flashed in Rian’s eyes, and he immediately reached out to hug me. I let out a whimper of protest, shoving him away shakily. “Rian, g-get off me!”

“Zack, please calm down. Deep breaths,” Rian said, backing off and gently rubbing my back in circles to try to soothe my nerves. I wanted to punch him in the face for touching me during an anxiety attack. I glared at him and he stopped, realizing that he wasn’t supposed to touch me. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths like he had suggested and I did calm down a bit after a few minutes. “Better?”

“A little,” I mumbled.

“A little is better than nothing. Did you take your medicine today?” he asked me, and I realized that he was holding a water bottle and my medicine. It’s kind of depressing to see that he’s so used to this.

I shook my head, “I forgot to take it.”

“Here,” Rian said, handing the water and medicine to me. My hands were still shaking, and he had to pop open the pill bottle for me. He waited until I had swallowed my medicine to speak up, “So Alex drank too much and decided to be an asshole?”

“Apparently,” I mumbled, crossing my arms over my knees and resting my head on them. “And then that Derek guy from Mayday Parade made matters worse,” I added, my voice muffled.

“Derek Sanders? What did he do?” Rian asked, sounding confused.

“He must have seen what happened, because he came and found me. He made fun of my anxiety issues and told me I shouldn’t be such a baby by crying over A-Alex,” I said, faltering on his name as tears returned to my eyes.

“He’s probably just drunk, like Alex. He’s been a nice guy until now. I’m sure he didn’t mean it,” Rian assured me. “Quite honestly, I don’t think Alex meant a word of what he said, either.”

“Really?” I asked, looking up.

Rian nodded, “You and I both know Alex is stupid when he’s drunk. That party a few months ago proved that fact. That’s why Evan and I were a little worried when you said Alex would be drinking.”

That explains the wary look between the two of them. “I should have realized that. God, I’m so stupid,” I groaned, hiding my face in my arms again.

“It’s not your fault for not realizing it. Hell, I’d push that out of my mind too,” Rian admitted.

“This is the first real fight we’ve had,” I mumbled into my arms, the tears flowing again. “Even when he kissed that girl, it wasn’t really a fight. This time he actually yelled at me. It hurts, Rian. You have no idea.”

“I can kick Alex’s ass for you, if you’d like. That’ll knock some sense into him,” Rian joked lightly. I stifled another sob, not responding to him. “Just because you guys fought doesn’t mean you can’t get through it. You can try to work it out,” he added softly, realizing how upset I was.

“Try,” I repeated dryly.

“Zack, look at me,” Rian said with a sigh. I hesitated before looking up at him. “I don’t care what Alex or anyone says; you are not just some anxiety-ridden kid. You’re special in your own way.”

“Don’t be sappy,” I muttered, hiding my face again.

Rian chuckled, patting me on the back, “Seriously, Zack. You’re my best friend for a reason. I’d have left you by now if you weren’t awesome.”

“You don’t have any other friends,” I pointed out, smiling weakly as I lifted my head.

“Hey! I have friends other than you and the band!” Rian protested with a slight laugh.

“Could’ve fooled me.” I heard footsteps again and my pulse quickened in fear. Don’t be Alex.

The figure got closer and bent down, and I was relieved to see that it was just Matt. “Are you okay, Zack?” he asked.

“Just peachy,” I sighed, rubbing my eyes to get rid of the stray tears.

Matt sighed, sitting cross-legged in front of Rian and I, “I’m sorry about what happened with Alex. I shouldn’t have even brought him back to the van in the state he was in. It’s my fault.”

“You shouldn’t have to apologize for his behavior,” Rian pointed out.

“Damn right I shouldn’t...”

“It’s not your fault, Matt. He was the one being stupid and I shouldn’t have stepped into the mess in the first place,” I said softly.

“Either way, I am sorry. I saw how hurt you looked as you ran off, and it pissed me off to see Alex do that to you,” Matt admitted.

I smiled slightly, feeling my heart lift a little at Matt’s caring. “Aww, you do have a heart. I hear you tried to strangle Alex.”

Matt rolled his eyes, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah. Believe it or not, he wasn’t even wasted. He was just a little too drunk, and that’s the point where he becomes an asshole. When he’s wasted he’s ten times worse. I was trying to explain what had happened to Rian, but Alex kept interrupting and being rude. I finally just jumped at him to try and shut his fucking mouth. Evan woke up and had to break it up, so he’s kind of pissed at me.”

“He’ll get over it,” Rian chuckled. “Where was Jack through all of this?”

“Jack was still with the other guys, but he came back right as you left to find Zack. I told him to make Alex calm down and go to sleep, so hopefully he did.”

“I don’t want to sleep anywhere near Alex,” I whimpered, realizing that I was going to have to go back to the van eventually to sleep. It was going to have to be soon, because my crying and my panic attack had worn me out.

“You can sleep up front or something,” Matt said. “Hopefully Alex is asleep by now and won’t bother you.”

“I doubt it,” I mumbled, trying to stifle a yawn and failing.

“Come on, lets go see,” Rian said. He and Matt stood up, looking down at me. I stayed in place, my arms still around my knees. “Zack, come on. We won’t let Alex bother you tonight.”

“Fine,” I sighed, finally standing up. I was unsteady as I stood up, still slightly dizzy from my recent panic attack. I followed Rian and Matt across the parking lot slowly. Mayday Parade and Cobra Starship’s vans were quiet; everyone seemed to be sleeping. It was probably almost three in the morning by now. I could feel my heart racing as we walked up to our van, fearing that Alex would still be awake.

Matt opened the door quietly and chuckled, turning to us. “They’re asleep,” he said softly, gesturing toward the open door. I stepped closer to look in and saw that all four boys were fast asleep. Alex was lying in the back seat with one arm hanging off. Jack was sitting up on top of him with his arms crossed, his back against the seat. Grieco was sleeping with his head against the window, and Evan was passed out on his lap.

“God, that’s something to tease Evan about in the morning,” Rian said, stepping back as he laughed quietly. “Zack, do you want to sleep in the second row? Matt and I will sleep in the front seats.”

“You don’t have to,” I said. I knew the front seats were more uncomfortable.

“It’s fine. We can lean the seats back,” Matt said, shaking his head and pushing me toward the van. “Just go to sleep.”

“We’ll try to keep Alex from waking you up. You can deal with him tomorrow,” Rian added. I nodded, climbing into the van. I finally got comfortable, using my balled up hoodie as a pillow. Even in my exhausted condition I was having trouble falling asleep. Alex’s words kept running through my mind, making me upset all over again. I buried my face in my hoodie-pillow to catch the stray tears escaping as I tried to push him from my mind. I didn’t want Rian and Matt to hear me crying again. Why do all the bad things happen to me?