Have Faith in Me

When I woke up in the morning Jace was still sleeping next to me. He was so still and peaceful. NOt a single line on his olive skin. His hair was a mess but he still looked good. His hairless chest was perfect aside from a scar on his left breast. He had a six pack and a cute happy trail. The sheets were just below his hips. I yawned as I got out of bed and stretched. I cracked my back and made my way to the bathroom to pee. After washing my hands and brushing my teeth I looked in the mirror running a hand through my hair. I had make up smeared eyes. I grabbed a wash cloth and washed my face and neck. I then made my way to my room to see Jace sitting up running a hand jover his face and through his hair. He looked at me smiling. "Good morning, Beautiful. How was your night? Mine was wonderful with you by my side, and when I open my eyes, to see your sweet face, it's a good morning Beautiful Day," He sang. I rolled my eyes waling over to him. He patted the space next to him and I sat. "I'm sorry I left you, Brookelle. I just needed to get my life together. I should've stayed. I should have helped you get out of there." He said with pain filled eyes.
"You hurt me," I whispered.
"And for that I'll never forgive myself." He took my face in his hands so I had to look into his eyes. They were truly breath taking. "I'm hoping we can start again." He looked hopeful and desperate. But I didn't care in that moment. Before I would've said yes to anything he was asking of me. I would've done whatever he wanted. But this time was different. He had hurt me and I wasn't sure if I could trust him again. Though I was dying to say yes and hug him close to me. To be bestfriends again. I just couldn't this time. I couldn't forgive him. At least not yet. He needed to suffer through the consequence of his decision as I'd suffered for three years without him. He had left without a word. That was his choice. Now I had to make a choice that would not only affect me but him as well.
"I don't think I can, Jace." I said getting up and walking to the bathroom to shower. I held my tears in until I was in the shower. I broke down. I was a mess. I wanted to run back to him and tell him I forgave him. But I just couldn't. He didn't deserve it. He hurt me. Bad. So many nights I had cried myself to sleep believing I had ruined his life. All those nights he wasn't there to make the pain go away. So many thoughts of suicide without him around to comfort me. He hadn't taken me away to a better place. He had made my life so much worse when he had left. The scars on my skin that he could've prevented but chose not to. His decision to leave fucked me up mentally and emotionally. He's one of the reasons I got heavy on drugs. I loved him. And he left me. I was separated from my thoughts when a knock on the door sounded through the bathroom. i turned off the shower which was now cold. Wrapped a towel around my fat body. I opened the door and saw Lilly saying she needed to pee. I let her in as I left, bumping into Alex. I mumbled a sorry and walked past him. He stopped me. I turned to him waiting for him to speak.
"Are you okay?" He paused, "I mean last night you seemed pretty messed up."
"I'm fine, thank you. Oh and thanks for letting me stay here." I smiled smally at him.
"It's no problem. Listen, I know we don't know each other, but if you ever need to talk, I'm a great listener."
"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind." I said turning on my heels and walked away. Back to my room where I saw a red, puffy eyed Jace. He had been crying. My heart swelled up and I felt a pain in my chest. I hated hurting him. But I had to.
"Brookelle." I stared at him. "Brookie, I'm so sorry. I'm begging you to forgive me."
"Forgiveness is more than saying sorry." I said grabbing my clothes and changing in my closet then left. I decided to find Destery and go for a walk. I had also grabbed Jace's cigarettes and liter pretty much claiming it as mine.