My Guardian Vampire

"Late dawns and early sunsets, just like my favorite scenes
Then holding hands and life was perfect, just like up on the screen
And the whole time while always giving
Counting your face among the living...

Up and down escalators, pennies and colder fountains
Elevators and half price sales, trapped in by all these mountains
Running away and hiding with you
I never thought they'd get me here
Not knowing you'd change from just one bite
I fought them all off just to hold you close and tight

But does anyone notice?
But does anyone care?
And if I had the guts to put this to your head...
But would anything matter if you're already dead?
And well should I be shocked now by the last thing you said?
Before I pull this trigger,
Your eyes vacant and stained...

But does anyone notice?
But does anyone care?
And if I had the guts to put this to your head...
And would anything matter if you're already dead?
And now should I be shocked by the last thing you said?
Before I pull this trigger,
Your eyes vacant and stained...
And in saying you loved me,
Made things harder at best,
And these words changing nothing
As your body remains,
And there's no room in this hell,
There's no room in the next,
And our memories defeat us,
And I'll end this direst.

But does anyone notice?
But does anyone care?
And if I had the guts to put this to your head...
But does anything matter if you're already dead?
And should I be shocked now by the last thing you said?
Before I pull this trigger,
Your eyes vacant and stained...
And in saying you loved me,
Made things harder at best,
And these words changing nothing
As your body remains,
And there's no room in this hell,
There's no room in the next,
But does anyone notice there's a corpse in this bed?"

The voice began to crack at the end, trying to get through the last lines. I opened my eyes, and saw Gerard crying, his face in his hands. I didn't want him to cry, though I couldn't remember why. I remembered hating him, fearing him, wanting to tear his face off... But part of me loved him, and I was sure as hell going to figure out why.

"Big baby..." I managed to say, my face contorting in pain. My mouth was so dry; it was almost impossible to open.

My eyes were closed with the pain, but I heard Gerard come over to me in less than a second.

"Ali, did you just say something?!" he asked, touching my shoulder lightly. "Please, talk to me!"

"Motherfucker," I said, cursing in pain. He laughed, though it was slightly strangled. He swallowed, as if to get a lump in his throat down. He pressed the nurse's button, and two nurses came in, sitting me up slightly and putting another morphine bag into the slot. I instantly felt better, though I was still in pain.

"What happened?" I managed to croak out, and Gerard handed me some water, helping me drink it. I felt like such an ass, I couldn't even drink on my own. Gerard laughed at my face, then frowned.

"You don't remember?" he asked, concerned. I cringed in response, unable to shake my head. He simply nodded, thinking for a moment. "I'm sure you'll remember soon enough..." He frowned again, and my heart stuttered, showing up on the heart monitor. He smiled, and the monitor went even faster. Now he was really laughing, and embarrassed, I wanted to hit him.

"I'll get you someday..." I said weakly, making him laugh more. He kissed me on the cheek, making the monitor beep irregularly once again, but he ignored it this time.

"Get some sleep," he said, sitting in the chair. I frowned.

"No... I can't," I lied, I was actually feeling sleepy, and the morphine was making me feel lightheaded. He smiled.

"Ok, I'll sing you another song to put you to sleep," he said, and then frowned looking unsure.
"It's ok, you can sing it," I said, trying to encourage him. He set me so I was more lying down than sitting up once again, tucking me in like a child, which I frowned at.

"Please don't be sad at the song," he said. "For awhile I thought you were gone, and... I didn't know what else to do, so I wrote it..." I nodded, closing my eyes.

"It will be fine," I said, exhausted once again from all that activity. I guess he decided it would be ok, and he started to sing:

"I never...
Said I'd lie and wait forever...
If I died, we'd be together
I can't always just forget her...
But she could try...

At the end of the world,
Or the last thing I see,
You are
Never coming home,
Never coming home...
Could I? Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever ever ever...

Ever...
Get the feeling that you're never
All alone and I remember now,
At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies
She dies...

At the end of the world,
Or the last thing I see,
You are
Never coming home,
Never coming home...
Could I? Should I...?
And all the things that you never ever told me,
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me,
Never coming home,
Never coming home...
Could I? Should I...?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me,
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me...

If I fall...
If I fall...
Down...

At the end of the world,
Or the last thing I see,
You are
Never coming home,
Never coming home...
Never coming home,
Never coming home...
And all the things that you never ever told me,
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me,
Never coming home,
Never coming home...
Could I? Should I...?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna..."

I was left with a chill, and a tear running down my face. Gerard held me carefully, wiping away my tear.

"I'm sorry," I managed to say. I felt so horrible for everything I must have put him through. I didn't deserve him, someone that cared for me so much. But I was selfish, and I didn't want him to leave. "Don't leave, please..."

"Shhh, its ok. Don't be sorry, for whatever you think you need to be sorry for. I promise I wont leave," he said, laying a hand on my forehead. "You feel warm. Please go to sleep now..."
I couldn't help but comply, drifting off in my head.

While I was recovering, Gerard and I talked.

A lot.

I slowly gained my memories back, and we had a certainly interesting chat once I remembered...what he was. My memories would come to me as dreams, and that memory was the scariest one, but one that really pieced most of it together.

I woke up, terrified of what I had just seen. Gerard was at my side lying about lazily in a chair, texting on his cell phone. I stared at him wide-eyed, him not noticing. I then studied him longer, thinking before I screamed.

'He's never left me once, has he?' I thought. I thought about all the things he's done for me, saving me more than once. He was no monster, like his brother, though I was also smart enough to realize that he was no angel either, but that wasn't his fault, I'm sure. No, he was...My Guardian Vampire. It was then that my memory prompted what I had said all those nights ago, just as I thought myself about to die...

I love you, Gerard.'

"So what's it like being a vampire?" I said, not looking at him directly. I could see him look suddenly paler than he was before at the corner of my eye. Hell, I could practically feel the blood leave his face.

"So you remember?" he said, looking at me terrified, probably wondering what I was thinking. He never used the fog anymore, and nothing was said about it. I nodded, not looking at him.

"Gerard..." I began, but he was already next to me, holding my hand. The monitor began to beep wildly, and he took this as a wrong sign, thinking that it was fear instead of my heart reacting to his touch.

"Ali, please know that I'd never be like my brother, when I first brought you here, you were bleeding so much, all over me, and it took everything I had to not do anything. But I don't mean that I'm weak, I could not do that to you ever, ever, I can't even think of that. And then they had your blood going through that big machine, and I watched it all going in and out of you, and I thought you were gone forever, and I didn't know what to do..." he said rapidly, so fast that I could barely understand his ramblings. He took a breath and I stopped him, cutting him off.

"Woah, what machine?" I asked. Nobody ever said anything about a machine. Nobody said anything much about what had happened those days...

"It was a big machine that had to cleanse your blood...see, when we bite you, a poison is injected that paralyzes the prey..." he asked, looking for my reaction. My face was blank, so he continued. "So the machine would take out your blood through one tube, cleanse it, and bring it back into your body in another tube...They didn't know if it would even work, only I knew what was really going on inside of you... Ali, you must hate me for the monster I am, and I understand...but I'm selfish, and I don't know what I would do-" he said, but I laughed, and cut him off.

Him selfish? He's sat here for weeks by my bedside, had his brother almost kill him, sat right next to the sun for days nearly killing him then too, and so much more... He's given so much to me, and I've given him nothing in return...

I looked at him directly now, the light from the small lamp next to us on the table creating long shadows on his begging face, making him look like some kind of monster.

But I was not afraid.

"Hate you?" I said, laughing more. "You stupid ass, why would I hate you?" I leaned over, slightly painfully, and kissed him on the mouth, the first time we had a real kiss in what seemed like forever. In fact, it was really the first time I had kissed him like this, and I put my entire heart into that kiss, knowing at that moment I was lost to Gerard...forever.