Yesterday's Feelings

After lunch with Colin, I couldn't help but think about John (and Eric) and how it really hadn't been completely fair to shut them completely out my life. At the very least, I figured Eric, at minimum deserved an explanation. While at lunch with John, I had begrugrudgingly given John my number and vice versa in case I wanted to contact him (Or he wanted to contact me). Honestly I didn't think I'd even want to contact him afterward. I should have known better to even accept lunch with the older Jackson, let alone dish out a phone number.

I called John in hopes he might be free, just to talk. Just as I was getting in to talking to John, there was a knock at the door, unexpected. "Meridian Drive, Northeast— Can you wait a sec.?" I asked as I went to the door, looking through the peephole. I was so shocked I dropped the cordless phone on the floor. Scrambling I picked it up, "Can I.. Can I call you back?" I asked, inexplicably, hitting the 'talk' button and setting the phone down.

Another knock, "You know, I can hear you on the other side of the door." Eric's voice rang through the door as I watched him lean in to the peephole. He still looked like the same baby-faced young-man I fought with prior to leaving.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, really, really shocked to see him standing there on the other side.

Just as I leaned against the door, "Who's at the door?" Danielle asked, looking up at me with a smile.

I shook my head, "Go play okay, I'll be there in a minute." I said, kissing the top of her head, turning after she ran back off to the playroom to play. I pulled the door open slightly. I just let my eyes look over Eric as he stood there, "You have quite the nerve to show up here."

Eric sighed and adjusted his hat, his hand running through it. Good to know old habits died hard when it came to this one, it was an obvious sign of nerves, "I just wanted to see you." Eric said.

I sighed, "See, I'm here. I'm alive. You can go." I said, attempting to close the door but Eric had his foot in the gap as he stood close to the crack, "Look, Eric, I assume you're here because John told you he'd had lunch with me." I looked over the other's face, "Am I right?"

Eric nodded, "Yeah, he said.. he said you're good, that you're working for a law firm. I wouldn't have pegged you for a desk job kind of girl—"

"When you've got bills to pay and a mouth to feed Eric, you do what you have to, even if it's something you never saw yourself doing." I was watching him. He was being almost bashful, almost shy, like he was scared. A part of me couldn't blame him, I was scared too. On the other hand, it had been three years, three long, long years I waited. I was done waiting.

Eric nodded, "Y-Yeah. Look, um, can I— Can I come in?" Eric asked, looking at me with those baby blues, as if I would just cave in to his whim like I used to, like I was such a sucker for those blues still.

I shook my head, "No, I'm sorry. I can't Eric, Now isn't a good time—"

"Well when is. I missed you." Eric lamented, looking as though I had a kicked a puppy or something. Jesus, that was the biggest pile of bullshit I had ever seen.

"How about Tomorrow? I have a d—" I paused, "I am having dinner and a movie with a friend tonight so I'm dropping Danielle at Colin's and then I don't know what time I'll be home but, you can come by tomorrow. I should be home at least by the afternoon. Maybe we can talk." I said, rubbing my head just a little.

Eric nodded, "I'll come by tomorrow afternoon to talk." Eric said, finally stepping away from the door and down the stoop. He looked far less like I had kicked a puppy but he still didn't look happy, presumably because I hadn't exactly welcomed him with open arms.

Once the door was closed I returned to the tea party in progress with Danielle. She was all dolled up in her pink feather boa and a tiara, I joined her, putting on a tiara and boa of my own. I looked at my watch, I had a couple of hours to get ready. I finished the tea party and got Danielle packed, dropped off at Colin's and back.

I just hardly had enough time to take a shower and get dressed. I wore a simple black dress with a rose bead ring and black heels. I had my mother's wedding set on a silver chain around my neck, I don't remember ever taking it off since she died.

I was nervous as I stood in front of a mirror in the doorway, I must have smoothed the front of my dress a hundred times. It was my first date in quite a long time and I tried to think of it as a night with a friend but you could call it whatever, a date was still a date at the end of the night.

I was distracted from my racing thoughts by a knock, this time anticipated, at the door. I smiled as I looked throught the peephole in the door and then swung the door open wide. The man standing before me looked.. well, I guess the proper term was handsome.

"Wow," John said, his blue eyes having lit up as he looked over me, "You look beautiful." He said, "I, um, I brought you some roses." he offered as he stood there on the stoop. His dreads were considerably tighter, cleaner, not as messy as they had looked days ago. It looked like he had gone and had them tightened and cleaned up.

I blushed as I took the flowers from John, "Thank you." I said, my voice timid and shy, "Won't you please come in for a moment?" I asked, stepping aside to let the older man in, "I'll put these in some water and then I'll grab my jacket and we can be on our way." I closed the door behind John, grinning from ear to ear.