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SHEA POV

"Hey..." I heard a whisper. "Hey, love...wake up..." I blinked my eyes open for the second time today to see soft brown eyes staring into mine.

"What time is it?" I asked, trying not to move too much for fear of pulling the stitches in my stomach too much.

And the pain...I was kind of scared of the pain.

"It's four." He helped me sit up slowly. "Your brother just came in. The others are here and want to visit...and...we have some things to work out before they get in here." He looked nervous.

I frowned.

"The kid...as endearing as it is to call him 'the kid,' we need to get a name on his birth certificate and...uh..." He fidgeted with his lip ring nervously. I cocked my head to the side. "Maybe get my name off of it..."

"What?" I whimpered. I hated sounding so weak, but I needed him...and he was backing out...

"Shea, you're a minor..." He bit his lip, "I could go to jail..."

"We won't press charges, you know that." I twined my fingers with his.

He sighed and kissed my forehead.

"What are we naming him?" He changed the subject.

"I...I don't know...I didn't have names planned..." I frowned, "I wasn't particularly aware that I was pregnant...I didn't plan on names..."

"Yeah..." He trailed off.

We sat in silence for a little while. I don't know if he was thinking of any names, but I was.

"Jeremy Joseph?" I tried. "We could call him JJ if..." I didn't finish it.

"If he makes it" He said being more optimistic than I was by saying, at the same time, "If we keep him..."

He looked at me sadly.

"Yeah..." He whispered, "That too..."

We were quiet for another moment.

"Jeremy Joseph?" He asked me.

"Well...Jeremy Joseph, Joseph Samuel, Samuel Joseph..." I listed. "I want something for Ronnie in there..."

"Joseph." He nodded.

"And well..." I blushed. "Sammi and Jinxx have been really nice and helpful...and...well Sammi basically saved me..." Even though I didn't want to be saved. "And I thought JJ is easier..."

He nodded before giving me a small smile.

"Jeremy Joseph it is."

He kissed my forehead and put his arm around me before there was a knock at the door.

"Hey." Ronnie stuck his head in. "The others will be here soon. They're going to leave in like ten minutes, they just...they're across the street and they wanted to give you a heads up."

I chuckled, which hurt my stitches a bit.

"How are you feeling?"

"Okay." I gave him a smile.

"Excuse me, sir." Ronnie looked behind him and stepped into the room and back from the door to let the doctor from before come in. He walked over to the bed. "Hello again, Ms. Radke, I'm just here to check with you on the baby. Nothing has really changed since earlier, no better and no worse. You're free to visit him whenever you'd like. Have you thought of any names?" He looked up from his damn clipboard when he asked the question. I looked at Jacky who nodded.

"Uh...Jeremy Joseph." I told him.

"And who's last name is he taking?" He asked, scribbling away.

"Um..." I bit my lip.

"Vincent." Jacky looked at him. "That's okay right?" He looked at me.

I nodded with a small smile.

"Well, congratulations on Jeremy Joseph Vincent." The doctor smiled and walked towards the door. "We will keep you updated."

"Thank you." Ronnie said as the man left. He walked over to me. "I'm going to go grab some food, want anything?"

I shook my head. He nodded and left again.

"You want to go to the bathroom before the others get here?" Jacky asked, getting up.

I bit the insides of my cheek.

"Come on." He gently lifted me bridal style and shifted me, without causing too much pain, to my own feet. I put my hand on my stomach gently and took a shuffle-step forward. Jacky put one arm around me and the other hand he held out for me to grip. He helped me shuffle to the door and I took it for balance. He watched me nervously.

"I'll be right out." I told him, closing the door slowly.

Thankfully, as a hospital bathroom, there were bars everywhere for me to hold onto and I was able to move through the bathroom slowly but without too much trouble. Jacky helped me back to the bed when I was done.

"Oh...there was a wheelchair." I frowned and Jacky followed me gaze before chuckling.

"Whoops."

"Jacky?" I looked at him.

"Yeah?"

"Can we...can we see him?" He looked at me with a softer gaze.

"He can't leave that infant ward...but if you want, I can take you..."

"We have the wheelchair."

"We have the wheelchair." He agreed and helped me to it.

The IV caused problems as far as transport was concerned, but we managed to get to the glass window down the hallway.

"He's the one over there." He pointed to the incubator in the back corner. "We can go in there..."

"How do you know?" I frowned.

"I--uh--Ronnie and I went..." He blushed. "I...I wanted to see...I'm sorry."

I bit my lip and I felt tears form.

"Shit, I'm sorry, I should've waited--"

"No, you idiot, I just...I didn't realize you actually cared..."

He blinked.

"Okay...I know he wasn't supposed to happen and I know we've had some rough patches...he's still my kid and I still love you...I'm not going to pretend he doesn't exist." He told me.

I gave him a small smile.

"Thanks."

"It's true, now come on." He pushed us to the door and knocked. A nurse frowned and turned to look at us.

"Yes?" She asked.

"Room 312." He said. "Radke."

The woman glanced at my bracelet and nodded.

"Come on in." She gave me a smile. "I suppose this is your first time seeing him?"

I nodded nervously.

"You're young, this must be rough." She looked at me sympathetically. "Here he is. He's gorgeous, he's just a little small." Her voice was hushed, I suppose because of the babies around us she didn't want to wake or upset. Even still, she cooed on the last part of her sentence and I had to smile.

I bit my lip when I saw him. He was cute, so small though. He was so, so small. His eyes, closed tight, looked far too big for his head. His hands were maybe the width of Jacky's finger. He had a small breathing tube hooked to him and his chest rose and fell in awkward, forced intervals.

But he was a baby...he wasn't supposed to exist and he was far too premature...but he was a baby...my baby...

He doesn't deserve to die because of me...

Fuck...I deserve to die for this...

"No, you don't." Jacky whispered as if he knew what I was thinking.

"He can't coo just yet." The nurse told me. "His lungs and his vocal chords haven't formed all of the way yet...but he will be able to."

I wanted to say if he makes it but I refrained.

"You want to hold him for a bit? He can't be out for very long and he'll still be on the tubes...but you can hold him." She offered. "Just wash your hands over there."

I bit my lip and looked at Jacky who smiled and gave me a nod.

I looked back at her and nodded. She gave me an encouraging smile and helped me over to wash my hands. Then, she flipped a button before opening the incubator and lifting him gently out. I took him carefully into my arms, I felt like I would break him.

"Hi..." I looked at him. "I...I guess I'm your mother...and well...you kinda surprised me...I woke up and they told me you were here...I'm sorry I messed everything up and that I wasn't a good mom...but...I hope you'll give me the chance to make it up to you." The nurse smiled at me and nodded.

"Does Daddy want to hold him?" She asked.

Jacky looked startled and moved closer so he could hold him without moving anything JJ was attached to. He looked honest to God more terrified than even I felt when I handed the baby over.

"Heya, little man." His expression changed when he got him in his arms. "You were a big surprise...but that's not a big deal, the big deal is that you're here now and you're going to get big and strong and come home one day..." Jacky bit his lip before handing him back to the nurse.

"You two can come back tomorrow." She smiled as she put him back. "The more he's communicated with the better off he'll be. I know when he's a little stronger the doctors will want to try some kangaroo therapy. You'll get more on that later on." She led us out and we were on our way back to the room to see my sister and band along with FIR.

BVB was coming tomorrow.

"Wow..." Jacky trailed off.

"Oh come on, you've met him before." I teased.

"No, I looked...I--uh--I thought you should get the opportunity to hold him first..." He blushed a little. I smiled.

"Thanks." I got up and back onto the bed with his help. "You looked so adorable holding him."

He blushed a little pinker.

"The big bad rockstar blushes about holding his baby." I teased lightly. He kissed my forehead.

"Shea!" Alyssa threw herself into the room.

"Alyssa!" I smiled and hugged her gently.

Let the visiting begin.

***

I woke up the next morning at...noon.

So...I guess I didn't wake up in the morning.

"Morning." Jacky had stayed with me overnight, but I suppose he had left to get breakfast from the cafeteria as that's what was in front of me. "Eat some, the Black Veil Brides are coming around one to visit."

I nodded and ate a little with him. I was content, Jacky was making me happier already and I think the doctors had me on something in my IV that kept me from suffering some major withdrawal.

"Hey, you didn't tell Alyssa JJ's full name..." Jacky said.

"I don't want word getting out yet...I want to give them the reason first...before everyone tells them for me..." I gave a small smile. "I told Ronnie not to tell either."

"But we told him about the name choice."

"Of course, you were there with me." I smiled.

"You're looking so much better this morning." He smiled.

"Well, I have you." I blushed, "And the doctors let me take a shower." They had deemed me fit enough to shower last night.

He chuckled and kissed my lips lightly.

"I love you." He kissed me again.

"Love you too." I smiled.

"Hey, lovebirds." Andy knocked on the door.

"Hey guys." I gave the lot a small smile. "Good of you to finally show, loser."

"Ouch." Andy feigned hurt and I held out my arms for a hug. He laughed and walked over before he hugged me gently. The others followed. We all caught up a bit before I asked to speak to Andy, Sammi, and Jinxx alone.

"What's up, buttercup?" Andy smiled.

"I just wanted to say thanks." Jacky squeezed my arm encouragingly with the hand of the arm that was around me. "I owe you and Sammi my life, Andy. Thank you both. I was stupid and you guys are the reason I'm here."

"Of course, Shea." Andy said and Sammi nodded.

"Well, you can go keep your loser friends company then, Biersack." I teased lightly, "There's one last thing I have to say to these to."

"Sounds good, we're going to go grab a bite." He kissed my head and left the room. I waited for the door to close.

"I wanted to know if you wanted to meet JJ." I asked.

Sammi practically squealed which is not a sound I imagined would come out of an almost thirty year old woman. Jacky helped me up and into my wheelchair and we lead them down the hall. The nurse opened the door for us, she was the same as yesterday and we'd cleared it with her this morning to take the couple in the room with us.

"Oh my gosh, he's so small." Sammi stared at him.

"You want to hold him?" I asked.

"We're allowed to?" She looked surprised. The nurse nodded.

"Just come over here and wash your hands carefully, he's very susceptible to illness." She gestured to the sink. We washed our hands and the nurse helped me take JJ out because she seemed to think I could do it with only a little help.

"Hey, babe." i smiled at him softly. "Meet Sammi, she's like everything I wish I could be, she's utterly amazing." I passed him off to her. "Sammi, meet Jeremy Joseph Vincent." I said with a smile. Jinxx blushed and Sammi let out a small laugh. "Awe, Jinxx." I laughed. "I'm sorry to embarrass you. You and Sammi have just been such an amazing help and everything and I just thought it'd be nice to recognize that..."

"Thanks." He smiled and wrapped his arm around Sammi, looking over her shoulder at JJ. "But for his sake, keep to JJ, Jeremy is just...he'll get beat up on the playground with a name like that."

"Will do." I smiled.

Maybe life was finally coming together.