We Are So Screwed

The nurse finished unhooking me and told me that I had some visitors, who brought me clothes to change into.

I was waiting for the circus that was my family to come into my room, so I was expecting my bitch ass mom, snobby ass sister, and bomb ass dad to come in, and still, I was less than pleasantly surprised when Simmons walked in first.

"What do you want?" I snapped at him.

"Woah woah, cool it Blondie, I just have a few questions before your family comes in; nice people by the way."

I cocked my head and raised an eyebrow at that one.

"I referred to you as Blondie and your mom said something about that being your real name, and-"

At the mention of my real name, all curiosity about what he had to say went out of the window, and he was about to follow. The look on my face must have showed it too, because he put his hands up and said, "Woah, stop with the death glare kid! Like I said, just got a few questions."

"The hell do you want shitfuck?"

"No need for name calling Blondie, manners, they're good to have. Anyway, before you see B, as you referred to her, you need to tell me what she said after the crash."

He looked at me expectantly, and what he got was definitely unexpected. I sucked in a deep breath, before screaming, "YOU MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCKING DOUCHE BAG! SHE GOT KNOCKED OUT BEFORE I DID AND WE WOKE UP SEPARATE FUCKING ROOMS! THE HELL SHOULD I FUCKING KNOW WHAT CAME OUT OF HER GOD DAMNED MOUTH? FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME; I. DO. NOT. FUCKING. KNOW. WHAT. BLAKE. SAID! GO ASK THE FUCKING NURSE OR SOME SHIT WHO WAS WITH HER! ALL I WANT TO DO IS HUG MY DAD, PUT ON SOME FUCKING CLOTHES, GET B, AND LEAVE THIS HELL HOLE!"

"Well damn Blondie, I thought Red was a hot head. I'll send your parents in, but this isn't over."

He walked out, and I heard my mother’s fake ass sigh of relief as she walked into my room.

"Blondie, dear! how are you?" she cooed as she walked up to my bed and awkwardly hugged me.

"I'm fine, and wow, those are new!" I said, pointing to her chest. I earned myself a smack upside the head, but it was so fucking worth it.

I looked over at my dad, who was in the doorway, trying not to laugh. He gave me a thumbs up and winked at me. "Cost me thirty two grand," he mouthed. I pouted for show and looked back at my mother, who was being joined by my sister, Barbra.

"Robert! Are you going to let her speak to me like that?" I'll give her credit, if this were the Grammy Awards, she'd surely win an award--for worst act. My dad looked at me sternly, but I could see the laughter in his eyes.

"Now Slater," my dad emphasized my legal name, "that wasn't very called for. Apologize to your mother." He gave me a disappointed look, but I knew it was all for show. After all, he is the one who urged me to drop out of law school, if it wasn't what I wanted to do.

"Mom, I'm sorry, that wasn't very nice of me, especially since you drove all the way out here to come see me." I pouted and hung my head, trying not to die of laughter.

She accepted my apology and now the awkward family meeting included my snobby ass I'm-better-than-you-because-I-actually-finished-my-schooling sister, who just hugged me and said something about how if I were finishing school I wouldn't have been in an accident.

After about five minutes of tense silence, my dad handed me a bag and said he packed me one of my favorite 'lazy outfits' as he called them, and a juice box. "Thank you daddy!" I hugged him and pushed the call button so a nurse would come verify that I was allowed out of bed. The same nurse from before came in, watched as I stood, escorted me to the bathroom, and waited until I was out and dressed before telling me that I could go see Blake.

I called a "Thank you!" from my room as the nurse left and turned to my parents.

"Barbra, take your bitch ass politician ass the fuck up out my room. Mom, get your fake ass tits up out my room, wait, don't get them up any higher; you'll suffocate. No wait, in that case, get your tits up further." They stormed out past me and my dad walked up to me.

"That wasn't very nice."

"Uh, you let her name me Blondie, that wasn't nice!" I retorted.

"Hey! I let you change your name to 'Slater' and I dealt with her ass afterwards!"

"Yeah yeah, details."

"Bye kiddo."

"Bye Daddy. Love you"

We hugged and he left, then I gathered my stuff and headed over to Blake's room.

"Hi Mrs. and Mr. DeVille, any word on B's condition?" I asked as I walked into her room and sat down in a chair next to her bed, across from her parents.

"None yet," said Mrs. DeVile.

"That blows." I sat back, sipped my juice, and chatted with Blake's parents about dropping out of school to become a tattoo artist, and how the house with B was working out, after about twenty minutes of awkward silence I fell asleep.