Six Feet Under The Stars

I dropped my phone to my bed as I lay beside it. Rubbing my forehead, I was thinking whether I’m going to say my last goodbye to The Maine or not. Today was their last day in Maryland and Jared just called me, hoping that we could meet to say goodbye even only for five minutes.

I have to admit that I missed my best friend so much. I was feeling really guilty to not coming to their show here and I’d probably feel guiltier if I didn’t go to see them now. But John would be there, what would I do then? Knowing him lying to me was the worst thing ever and now I had to see him again? No, thank you.

Not so long after that, I heard someone knocking on the front door. I was home alone right now which made me grunted because I should be the one to open the door. My parents were on holiday in Europe and my brother was going out with his friends.

“Hey—“ someone greeted as I opened the door. As I glanced up to see who it was, I quickly closed the front door.

The guest knocked on the door for some times more making my heart bit fast. He called my name and asked me to open the door.

“What do you want?!” I barked from inside.

“The guys want to say goodbye,” he slowly answered. “And I—I have some explanations too.”

I leaned my back on the door just in case he tried to open it and wondered if I should welcome him or not. After doing some counting, I finally opened the door and saw The Maine boys already stood up on my front door.

“Um, hey guys,” I greeted.

“Caroline! I’m gonna miss you so much! You should’ve come with us on tour so I won’t miss you this much like crazy!” Pat suddenly ran toward me and hugged me tightly. I could only sigh to see him and hugged him back. Saying I’d miss him as much as he did, he made me promise to keep in touch with them either by texting or calling or video calling.

The other boys also said their goodbyes and hugged me tight. Garrett said he’d tell me the exact date they’d be back home in Arizona so I could come there and chill with them on their free time. I was just nodded at him, not sure if I’ll ever go back to Arizona again or not. At the end, it was John’s time to say goodbye as Jared shoved the others inside the bus, telling that they’d be waiting inside.

It was a really awkward moment between me and John. I made my way to the family room and sat on a couch there as John followed to stand behind the couch.

“Look, Carol—“ he started.

“You lied.” I cut him. I could tense his surprised feeling without looking through his direction. I kept my eyes straight as I continued, “your story and Alex’s story are different. You lied to me that it was just one night you met her. You’re already seeing her since the first week of tour, right?”

“I—“ John tried to respond but I cut him again.

“You lied to me that it was her flirting on you. It was you who started it, weren't you, John? Why’d you lie to me, John? Did I do something wrong? Have I hurt you so bad until you do this to me?” I couldn't help but let tears fell down from my eyes. This was too much, I couldn't handle it anymore.

I didn't hear him trying to speak up; he instead walked near me and tried to take my hand but I immediately rejected him. “Don’t you fucking dare to touch me, John.” I hissed as tears kept running down my cheeks.

We kept on the same position for some minutes in silence. I finally could stop my tears even though the sniffles came next were really bad. I swept the tears off of my face as I saw John sat in front of me—some feet away—with his head down. I just looked at him with every hatred and sadness I have for him until I finally let him to explain what he had on his mind.

“Carol, I apologize for everything,” he started. I didn’t respond him as he kept going.

“Yes, I lied to you. The story I told you back in the coffee shop, it wasn’t all true. But Lisa was such a flirt to me and I couldn’t handle myself. It was also when you were really busy with your works—not that I blame you—but I needed someone to share, and we’ve gone too far. I was the one seduced her when Alex wasn’t around, but what happened in the bar, it was mainly because we both were drunk and we kind of needed that. The fight was also something I wished it never happened. I wish everything on that tour about me and Lisa and his boyfriend never happened.

I am really sorry for everything, Caroline. It’s my entire fault. I am not good enough for you and you’re too good for me. But I need you to forgive me. Because I swear I really regret everything.”

I didn’t say anything when he was done speaking. I had my face down on my hand and all I wanted was to be alone, thinking about everything and trying to find a way to make things better.

“Okay,” I finally said, hand wiped eyes once again. “I want you to leave.”

He looked up, “What do you mean?”

“We’re through, John. I’ve had enough with you lying to me. I’ve had enough with you talking bad about Alex because he is my best friend, okay? I—I don’t think I want to see you again.”

“Caroline, we are best friends too, remember? You’ve heard both sides of the stories, why he’s the only one that’s forgiven?” John sounded frustrated. I could sense that he’s jealous over Alex. That’s so silly.

I sighed and showed him a weak smile. “First, he’s been with me longer than you are, I know him better than you. Second, you lied to me and he didn’t. What kind of best friend that lied so bad like that, even when they’re a couple? Third, he didn’t cheat on me like you do. Now if you mind, the door is opened for you and your friends are waiting outside. You don’t want them waiting any longer, do you?”

“I’m sorry for letting you down. I’m sorry for everything. I’m—“ John didn’t finish his words; he opened his embrace and hugged me really tight that I couldn’t even let go. “I love you, Caroline, so much. I’m sorry for the excuses, the bad words, things that let you down. I’m sorry for not being like what you want. I’m sorry.”

I broke down and tears came again. This hug was something I never expected from him, yet I didn’t want to let go. I couldn’t lie that I loved being on his embrace but it could break my own words. I didn’t want to be hurt again. And the best way to avoid it was to get away from him.

“I’m going now,” John finally said as he kissed the top of my head. “Take care of yourself; don’t let anyone hurt you again like I did.”

He let go of me as he stepped back and showed me his weak smile. “I’ll miss you—I hope you’d still want to chill with us someday.”

“Bye John,” I shortly said without even looking at him. I heard him said a simple goodbye and left to the front door, kindly closed it slowly.

Peeking from the window, I could see Jared approached by John and gave him a brother hug. Jared glanced to my direction and suddenly waved, he probably saw me here, though I didn’t wave back at him. Not so long after that, the bus’ driver started the engine and they left my house, leaving me all alone again.