You Could Save Me Too

After that night at the club, Josh had text and called me numerous times but I hadn’t picked up or replied to any of them. To be honest I don’t even know why, I guess I felt slightly embarrassed and not only that, I just didn’t know what to say, it would probably be really awkward. Well they weren't going to be, they were now because Max and Matt had just walked into work and I was sure the rest were to follow.

“Hey Lils,” Max yelled across reception.

“Hey guys,” I smiled still waiting nervously for Josh to come through the door, “you’re in the whole day today, right?”

“That would be correct,” he said chirpily, “I’ll take you out for lunch if you like, of course Matt and the others would have to gate crash our date but you know we can pretend like they’re just not there,” he winked.

I pretended to look shocked, “Aren’t you supposed to be serenading my best friend? You can’t just ask me out on a date, it wouldn’t be fair, even if this ugly bunch did tag along,” I smiled.

“Fair do’s, I suppose she’ll have to do,” he winked, but this time it was cute and I could tell that they were really happy with each other.

Matt and Max soon went into the studio and I just presumed that they were the only ones coming in today, however, I was wrong.

“They in the usual studio Lil?” a voice questioned and I looked up to see Dan hovering over my desk standing beside Chris.

“Yup, but you guys need to sign in first if that’s ok,” I smiled.

“Anything for you darling,” Dan grinned.

Once Dan had stepped out of the way to let Chris sign in, I noticed Josh hunched over, hiding behind Dan looking down at his feet. He stepped up to the counter and signed without even looking up from the paper or acknowledging me, I guess it was fair since I had ignored him, but still it was kind of rude. Dan and Chris automatically sensed the tension and they looked at the both of us awkwardly- I wonder if they saw us dancing the other night and saw how close we were to kissing. As soon as Josh stepped away from the counter Dan smiled at me and all three of them headed towards the door.

Dan stopped and turned back at me, “Wait Lily, I forgot, we’re having a gig later at The Peel so feel free to come watch and we can have some drinks after - bring Mia and Andy okay?” My eyes flickered back towards Josh at the mention of Andy’s name and to see whether he was aware of me being invited, he just looked at Dan and then headed through the door without looking back.

I turned back towards Dan, “Um, okay yeah I’ll text you later about it, thanks,” I smiled weakly, turning back to my computer once they had gone.

Was it really a good idea to go? I suppose Mia would make me anyway and I couldn’t really avoid Josh forever but I didn’t think it would be the best idea to ask Andy to come, I had to fix things with Josh first.

***

This time Mia and I stood in the crowd, we wanted to see what it felt like being within the whole atmosphere and experiencing the band play like you should.

When they finished their set, Mia and I made our way backstage and waited for them to come to the backroom. I figured I would try and at least talk to Josh, just to clear the air; I missed him to be honest and I wanted us to go back to how things were. I looked at my reflection in a mirror and saw how horrifying I look, my hair was a mess, my make-up had run, I had sweated like never before and I stunk of stale beer that had been poured all over me. I quickly ran into the bathroom to fix myself up a little, of course Mia didn’t need to; you couldn’t even notice she’d been in a mosh pit.

When I emerged from the bathroom the room had suddenly filled with people, I made my way through the familiar faces and sat down on a stool next to Dan.

“You alright Lily?” Dan asked sweetly.

I smiled at him weakly, to be honest I was just desperate to speak to Josh, let him know that I wanted to forget everything and be friends again- somehow Dan sensed this and gave a nod in Josh’s direction. “Go talk to him, I know you want to,” he smiled sympathetically.

I looked at Dan and back at Josh, I took a deep breath and got up slowly, making my way over to Josh. He had just finished up talking to one of the guys from another band, so I braved it and quickly jumped in whilst he wasn’t doing anything.

I was standing in front of Josh and he was just staring down at me with a confused expression on his face. I suddenly realised I didn’t have a clue what I wanted to say so I looked really stupid standing there looking at him.

“Um… you were really great tonight,” I said nervously, it wasn’t the best thing to say to someone you’d been avoiding but it was a start, right?

Josh smiled softly which made me feel somewhat at ease, “Thanks, glad you liked it. Actually, I saw you and Mia in the crowd, it looked like you were having fun.”

“Yep, it was awesome!” Josh and I stood there awkwardly for a second waiting for one of us to say something.

I breathed slowly, “Look I…” we both said simultaneously and then laughed.

“Let me go first,” Josh insisted, “I just wanted to say I’m sorry about the way I acted the other night, I had drunk too much and it was inappropriate of me and I’m sorry that I made things awkward between us- I don’t want that, I miss you,” he smiled timidly.

I then took my turn, “I’m sorry too Josh, I overreacted and shouldn’t have ignored you, it was stupid and childish of me. Friends?” I put my hand out to him.

He grinned, “Come here you,” instead of shaking my hand he pulled me into a huge bear hug and squeezed me tightly, “let’s go have some fun!”

***

The after party was now in full swing and I had most probably drunken my weight in Malibu and coke, I was feeling great though; I couldn’t remember the last time I felt this carefree and exhilarated, Mia and I were dancing together singing along at the top of our voices. Everyone was having a great time in general and it was just really nice to be in that kind of atmosphere.

When Mia and I had finished ‘singing’ Teenage Dirtbag I went to find the toilet. I removed myself from the room that we were in and I went searching for the bathroom, someone really should’ve come with me because I wasn’t in the greatest of states. I was clinging onto the wall to hold me up; mostly because of my heels but yes the alcohol may have had something to do with it. Just as I found the toilet door and went to go in, a hand grabbed my wrist and tugged me around the corner.

“Hey, what are you… Josh?” I leaned against the wall and looked up at Josh as he towered over me.

“Shh,” he whispered, placing a finger over my lips, “I know I said that the way I acted the other night was wrong of me and it was, but I can’t help it Lily,” Josh’s deep, blue eyes stared into mine intently, “I want you.” Josh’s lips were immediately on mine before I had a chance to react, he was pushing me up against the wall, gripping my hips. His lips crushing mine, I opened my mouth letting his tongue enter and we both went crazy, our tongues intertwined, exploring each other. The kiss was passionate and full of everything that you’d want it to be. Josh’s slight stubble was brushing against my cheek and his lips were soft against mine. I wrapped my arms around Josh’s neck as his pelvis pushed against me harder, we were both hungry for each other, wanting it as bad as the other, there was a never ending need, a longing for one another.

We both pulled away from the kiss at the same time, both of us heavily breathing and needing a rest. Josh inched his face closer to mine once again and rested his forehead on mine looking straight into my eyes- I could tell he was trying to figure out what I was thinking but to be honest the kiss had left me in a complete daze, I wasn’t thinking straight at all, that was until Josh said something I never expected, “I think I love you Lily,” he whispered softly, his breath warm against my cheeks.

I pulled away from Josh and looked up, “Don’t…” I didn’t know what to say, I was with Andy I couldn’t be with Josh it was wrong. I was so confused about how I felt for both of them, I’m not really sure if I could figure out was love was. I didn’t believe Josh, he didn’t love me, he was just saying that; just saying it to make it seem like the kiss was the right thing when it wasn’t, it was wrong. I slid out between Josh and the wall and practically ran off without looking back, I didn’t want to see Josh’s face as I left him there. The tears were beginning to prick my eyes and I could taste the salt as they ran down my face, what the fuck had I done?