Hearts So Pure

I bit my lip as Garrett moved his face from mine, pulling his shirt off. Then he pulled mine off slowly. With ease, he worked my bra off, throwing it on the floor. Then his lips were on my chest, and both of his hands on either side of my shoulders. Even though it was late May, I started getting goosebumps. Garrett kissed a line down my stomach, and he looked up at me and smiled. I chewed my bottom lip, not wanting him to stop. Then he was unzipping my pants, and he pulled them off and threw them to the ground, right next to my bra. Propping my legs up so that my knees were bent, he placed a kiss on my knee. Then he kissed a trail down my thigh, stopping in the middle of my groin. Then he placed both hands on my hips, beginning to pull my panties off. Suddenly he stopped, and I heard footsteps coming down the hallway. “Fuck!” he whispered, and I shot up, pulling my pants on. I didn’t have time to put a shirt on-Garrett shoved me into his closet just as his door opened, letting in a stream of light. From the closet, I could see a tiny sliver of his room. I heard Kennedy say, “Hey me and Jared were gonna go outside. You wanna come with-hey is that a bra?” From where I was standing, I could see my bra on the floor, in the middle of Garrett’s room. “Oh,” Garrett said quickly. “Um, Leah was in here earlier changing. She must have dropped it.” I heard Kennedy laugh. “She left her bra in here? Sure, okay.” He said. “Where is she?” Garrett cleared his throat. “Um, I don’t.. I haven’t seen her.” I heard Kenny laugh again, and soon I heard the door shut. I waited a couple seconds, then I opened the door to Garrett’s closet. He was standing against his door, looking down at the floor. Unsure of what to do, I picked my bra up, and put it back on. I found my shirt, and slipped that on too. I walked over to him, in the same spot, and stood in front of him. “I’m sorry I-” But he cut me off. “It’s not your fault, Leah.” he said. I nodded, looking down, and crossing my arms. “I miss you, you know,” I said. Garrett laughed, and looked at me. “Yeah?” He said. I nodded, and I could feel my eyes begin to water. Dammit, I thought. He was still looking at me. He brought one hand to my waist, tracing a line from my hip to my thigh. “We could make this work,” I whispered. Garrett laughed. “It won’t be the same, Leah.” I swallowed, I could feel my throat begin to sting. “You said you missed me,” I said. On the last word, I choked, and the tears just came. I tried to stop, but I couldn’t. Garrett sighed, hugging me. I rested my head on his shoulder, and he said “I do miss you, Leah, but I don’t know if we can work.” I pulled away from his hug, and looked at him. “Well what was that, then? We can’t work but us fucking can?” Garrett’s jaw tensed. “Leah, don’t be so loud.” he whispered. “And we didn’t fuck.” My lips tightened, and I said “Yeah, well what was that then, Garrett? What are we doing?” Garrett moved past me and walked over to his bed. “Can we just… can we just try to be friends?” He said. “Just try.” I licked my lips. Friends? What the hell? “We can try if you don’t get jealous of every boy I touch. And if this doesn’t happen again.” Garrett looked up at me. “Jealous? I’m not jealous of anyone.” And I laughed, a sarcastic, mean laugh that I regretted as soon as it came out. “You were jealous of Kennedy.” I said. Garrett squinted at me. “You don’t like Kennedy. The only reason you ever did anything with Kenny was to make me jealous. So no, I’m not.” I shot back, “What if I did like him?” And this time Garrett laughed. “Yeah, Leah, sure.” I sighed. “Well whatever then.” I said. “Let’s be friends. Date that herpes girl. Fuck her, whatever. And I’ll date whoever I want. And it sure as hell won’t be to please you.” Garrett laughed, and I opened the door. As I walked out, I heard him call out to me, “Maybe I will.”

The next night, after a full day of ignoring Garrett, me and Nicole were at another show. The boys hadn’t gone up yet, and we were walking to the bathrooms. When we got there, Janice and Alicia were standing in front of the mirror, applying thick black eyeliner and black lipstick. Janice smiled when she saw us. “Weren’t you the girls who were with Garrett and the boys last time?” Nicole nodded, with a fake smile. Alicia sprang forward from behind Janice. “Oh, that’s super cool! We’ve known them forever, I mean since they came into town.” She said, and I could see her hair up close now, the ends fried from constant flat-ironing. “That’s super cool.” Nicole mocked. “We’ve known them since we were kids. We grew up together, practically.” And she smiled back. I let out a small chuckle. Alicia’s smile disappeared, and as she smacked her gum between her teeth she said, “Oh?” I nodded, and Janice spoke up. “Well, we’ve gotta go. It was nice talking to you.” And she gave us a smile. Nicole and I didn’t reply, and as she walked around us, she bumped my shoulder, sending me a whole two steps back. I heard Alicia laugh, and soon they walked out of the restrooms. “Ugh!” Nicole said. “I hate them!” I nodded. “Same.” I said. We walked out and watched the show from the back of the venue. The boys were good tonight, hell, they were good every night. After the show, we were all hanging out on the sidewalk, like we did after every show. Alicia and Janice walked up, smiling their fake smiles and bringing the smell of cigarette smoke with them. Alicia said, “You guys were so great tonight!” she beamed. The boys nodded. Then she turned to Pat. “You know,” she said, as she took a drag from her cigarette. “You were especially good.” And she giggled. Pat smiled, “Thanks,” he said. Janice walked over to Garrett. She placed one skinny hand on his shoulder. “You were great, baby,” she said. She turned back and looked me in the eye, making sure I was looking. Then she brought her face right up to Garrett’s, kissing him and making these horrible slurping noises. I actually heard Jared say “Christ,” as we all watched, fascinated. She pulled away, and his eyes were wide. Then she stuck a hand around him, squeezing his butt. “I’ll see you later,” she whispered just loud enough for me to hear. Then she turned on her heel, and started walking away. “Let’s go, Alicia.” she commanded and Alicia followed, detaching herself from Pat. When they were out of sight, everyone stayed quiet. Kennedy said, “Wow. That was… that was something.” and let out a small laugh. Garrett shook his head. “Save it, asshole,” he said, before walking off, getting into the van. We all followed slowly, shaking our heads as we went.

The next morning I woke up and Janice was at the table, a coffee in one hand and the other was on Garrett’s thigh, sitting right next to her. She scoffed when she saw me. “Bed head much?” she said, and brought her cup to her lips. “Stop,” Garrett whispered, but she just laughed. I turned around, I didn’t need this. I got ready, and decided to go for a walk. Hey, this was New York right? I had to find something interesting that didn’t involve Garrett.

Outside, with no where to go, I just walked to that coffee shop Kennedy had showed me the last time we got coffee. I ordered a small coffee and sat down alone, looking at the busy street outside. I lost track of time, and a voice startled me. “You okay?” a boy said. I jumped, almost spilling my coffee. I looked up to see the guy from last time, the one who worked behind the counter. His ID said “Josh” on it. I smiled, “Yeah, I’m great.” He laughed. “I don’t know. You’ve been staring out that window for a good 20 minutes.” “Sorry,” I said, frowning. “It’s cool,” he said back. “But hey, do you mind if I sit with you?” I smiled, glad to finally be talking to someone who I hadn’t gotten completely tired of. “Sure,” I said. “Go ahead.”