Message in a bottle - English version

Etel, France - March 2010

Sarah opened her eyes, slowly coming back to earth from a short night of sleep. It took her less than a second to find out who the enemy was.
He was right there, facing her and not moving. Courageously, Sarah captured the traitor and threw it against the door of her room. She approached the door after, making sure the enemy wasn't moving and above all, to make sure he wouldn't be singing that repetitive serenade anymore!

“Damn alarm clock!'” She thought, heading towards her dresser next.

Grabbing the first acceptable outfit to wear, she then retreated to her bathroom. After a long shower and a few other preparations, out came an excited, smiling girl.

“School bag? Check. Phone? Check. Ipod? Oh yeah! Pillow…you know I can't take you with me my dear, no matter how bad I'd like to.” She chuckled.

After going through her personal checklist, she made her way into the kitchen, smiling when the smell of pancakes and hot coffee filled her nostrils.

"Morning, mommy!'' She sang.

"Morning sweetheart! Ready for your new day of school?” She asked her daughter.

"Mooooom…!'' Sarah whined.

"I tried.'' The mother chuckled.

"You're not totally wrong… I mean, the algebra teacher isn't here today so I won't be wasting two hours of my life in that boring class. And besides, after that means that I'm free at three o'clock!” Sarah remarked happily.

`'Yeah, I see. Doesn't take much to make you happy, does it?”

Both smiled and Sarah started her breakfast. She considered herself luckier than some of the other teenagers she knew on the relation she had with her mother. Of course, it hadn't always been like this. In fact, they've become much closer after the complicity started five years ago after Sarah's father died.

At the time she was thirteen, she found in her mother (who she wasn't very close to before) a big part of the love that fate had stolen from her. Sarah's mother, Evelyn, understood at the time that this little girl was all she had left keeping her alive.

During the two years after his passing, the both of them didn't want to be far from each other. They were always together no matter what, except when Sarah had class. Nothing in the world mattered more than the presence of the other. They got to know and understand each other till they managed to fix the big complicity between them.

Sarah finished her glass of orange juice and put it in the dishwasher.

“Is Jake coming to walk you to school?'' Evelyn asked.

“Yep, but I don't know when he's coming.” She responded.

After Sarah had said that, there was a knock at the front door.

“I think you've got your answer.” Evelyn smiled.

Sarah went to open the door, a huge smile brightening her face once she did.

“Hey Princess! You ready?”' Jake asked.

“Give me two minutes!” Sarah said excitedly.

She ran back to the kitchen, kissed her mother on the cheek and ran back to the front door, exiting the house with Jake. They began their walk to school.

“You doing anything this afternoon?” She asked, looking up at him.

Jake seemed to immerse himself in the deepest of thoughts. Sarah knew he did this when he didn't quite know how to say what he wanted to.
She had met him three years ago at the `integration day'. They had talked about music, films and realized that they had a lot in common. Thanks to the divine intervention of a superior power - actually known as Jenna Stabler, or Sarah's ex-best friend - they officially became more than simple friends.

In her moments of deep introspection, Sarah was surprised to think that her life seemed quite perfect. She has a nice mother, a cute boyfriend and she was good at school. She doesn't have real friends, but she seemed to be able to deal with that just fine. Jake finally managed to escape from his thoughts, causing Sarah to do the same.

“Hmmm, not really, but..…” He began before she cut him off.

“Oh, that's cool! Because my last class finishes at three and you, you don't have class this afternoon so it gives us a few hours to be together.” She smiled, insinuation in her tone.

Jake bit his lower lip.

“Did I say something wrong?” Sarah worried, quickly noticing the change in his behavior.

“No, you didn't… Sarah, just listen to me. I don't know how to say this, but I'm….bored.” He said uneasily, beginning to fidget with his fingers.

Sarah was surprised, but she decided to play his game and press on.

“And? I'm actually proposing that we spend some quality time together. This way you won't be so bored.'' She remarked, more confusion building once he began shaking his head.

“That's not what I mean, Sarah. You don't understand. Saying that I'm bored is just a polite way to tell you what is actually bothering me…” He frowned, looking into her eyes for once. Sadness filled them. She didn't like where this was heading.

“Okay, so could you turn to impolite mode? Because I still don't understand what you mean.” She said, annoyance evident in her tone.

“Well…when I'm with you, I'm bored. Being together doesn't make sense anymore. We don't spend much time with each other and when we do, we have nothing to do and nothing to say.''

“And you realized this now? Just…..like that? I mean, you woke up this morning and bam! Realized this was over?” She asked in a state of shock.

“No, not really. It took quite a long time for me to understand this.” He replied uneasily.

“But what if maybe you're wrong? That maybe this is just a fleeting idea? Maybe it's just an impression…” I tried to change his mind.

“I don't think so Sarah. I'm sorry. I don't want to wait to see if I'm actually wrong. I don't want to wait and waste my time anymore.” He told her.

And with that, he walked away quickly just in case Sarah would run after him.

Sarah stood frozen, shocked and clearly upset by this unexpected turn of event. How could he just erase three years of…of happiness, warmth and everything? Why did he bother calling her `Princess' this morning as if everything was just dandy. Why'd he call her Princess at all if she really bothered him that much? How can he be so cruel to her like this? What'd she do wrong to deserve losing one of the best things that has ever happened to her?

She shook her head and began walking to school again, this time alone with hot tears rolling down her flushed cheeks. Her heart was beating fast, too fast. She wanted to cry out, to yell at whoever could hear her. She wanted to tell them how life's unfair and that things were not supposed to go like that.

Really, she wanted to hate him, but she was perfectly incapable of doing so. Because she still loved him. With all her heart. She felt lost, abandoned, betrayed, and rejected. Her little world, whose gears finally seemed so perfect, was now facing a serious breakdown. A kind of complex lock never met before.
She wanted to sit down on the sidewalk of the quiet street, crying and asking why until she was dehydrated, but would that really be the best solution? Why should she give somebody that satisfaction? Sarah decided skipping school would be ridiculous as well. I mean, surely she could for once pretend to be deeply absorbed by the words of those pesky teachers?

Sighing, she kept walking. The school was only a few hundred meters away. The crossing of the courtyard was an ordeal for her. All these people who spoke and smiled ... they seemed far, far away leaving her in her own bubble, alone and sad.

She had to concentrate in order to remember her schedule. Today is Wednesday, which means that French is the first hour of the day, Room 1020.
Sarah joined the room shortly. Some students were already there and seated, along with Mr. Simmons. She placed her bag on a table in the front row, right in front of the desk that belonged to Mr. Simmons. She couldn't help smiling at the expression of her teacher who was wide-eyed and wondering to himself whether he was dreaming or not.

The course began a few minutes later. Sarah had never before been interested in this vile book that was created by Le Clezio. Her attentive and almost passionate attitude seemed to seriously worry Simmons. At the end of class, Sarah gathered her belongings and prepared to leave the room. Before she could do so, she was interrupted by Simmons.

“You did very well today, miss Guerin.” He complimented.

Sarah rolled her eyes.

“Don't expect it to last, Mr. Simmons.” She retorted back.

And then she left. Now it was time to make way to room 3014 for her philosophy lesson. At least this time she wouldn't have to force herself to stay attentive. The class would begin in ten minutes, which gave her time to walk at her own pace up to the third floor. Then of course, she met his gaze. She froze. She had to ask him why. Why was he bored? What had she done wrong?

Jake tried to walk away, but Sarah caught him by the arm.

“What?” He snapped, a bit of aggression in his voice.

“I need to know why ...” She cringed when he snapped.

“I've already said so, haven't I?”

“What you've said does not mean anything! You don't just leave someone because you are bored!” She countered.

“You're wrong ...” He stated, shaking his head.

"Seriously! The first time something doesn't seem to work between us and suddenly you give up? You can leave these three years behind you just like that? Without remorse?” Sarah was crying again, ignoring the growing number of people gathered around them.

But she couldn't ignore this great blonde perched on high heels, red lips covering her plastic smile and piercing blue eyes, sparkling with contempt and defiance.
That blonde easily made her way among the spectators huddled in the hallway, placing her arm around Jake, who didn't move.

“Listen, stupid girl,” she smirked. “Did you ever stop to think that perhaps he has found better elsewhere ... And trust me, in such cases the time has absolutely no importance, right Jaky?”

Jake wore a neutral expression, balanced between the triumphant smile of Barbie, and pain in the eyes of Sarah. It was enough for her and she vacated immediately, completely bypassing the complaints from the unhappy ones that she pushed out of her path.

The door for room 3014 was already open, although Mr. Duerf was nowhere to be found yet. Sarah swung her bag on the table and placed her head in her hands, sobbing against her will. How did he have the nerve? Was Barbie right? And if she was, why hadn't he responded?
Sarah couldn't fight against the attacking flow of these questions, which were likely to remain unanswered. The unbearable "Driiing" marking the beginning of the course reminded the girl that the world hadn't stopped spinning when her heart shattered into tiny pieces.

She picked up her bag and set it on the floor beside her seat and sat at the table properly, always at the front of the room. Then came the late arrivals of her class, whom most of them had witnessed her recent humiliation. Some of them sent her compassionate looks, while others didn't know how to hold their mocking smile. But none of them managed to remove the fixed expression on her paled face.

Finally, Mr. Duerf stepped into the room, smiling courteously at the girl. She didn't even attempt to return it. Descartes and his 'methodical doubt' managed to catch Sarah's attention. Our senses deceive us. We must question everything, even what we think is the safest and most unmistakable. In shortness, it was a way of saying that appearances are deceptive, that we must rely on rational elements, not this stupid little thing called a heart.

The end of the class wasn't long to come and then it was time for everyone to go to lunch. Lunch? She wasn't even hungry, so why should she go eat? So instead, she sat along the wall taking out her notebook to draw. Her drawings didn't represent certain things, they were limited to various forms, articulated to each other, making everything look like a coarse mandala.

It wasn't exactly artistic nor useful, but it allowed her to give expression to her emotions. She did this when she couldn't write, because her true source of healing was in the writing. Not always a lot... just a few sentences, a few rhymes.....maybe a few pages. But today, even mere words couldn't express the scrambled mess that had became her mind…