Confession

Pete didn’t know how to engage his brain into talking because it was too busy processing what Patrick had said to him. His first thought was to blame himself but realised that made Patrick right, so he blamed himself for blaming himself. He stopped his thoughts before they could spiral out of control. He pushed through the feelings of guilt which were crawling all over him and making his stomach writhe. But inside he was a little disgruntled that Patrick had told him that he could always talk to him about his problems but it felt kinda like he was taking it back and Pete had only just begun to open up.

“I.... I’m sorry...” Pete said. He was one of those people who had a way with words but no idea how to use it when it came to people. That’s why he treasured Patrick’s company so much. “I’m fucking up, aren’t I?”

Patrick said nothing. Pete wanted to hold him close but the wall between him and the rest of the world made it too hard.

“Patrick... I’m so sorry. I... you know what I’m like.... I don’t know what other people are feeling... shit... if I had known you felt like this then I’d have done something, honest. But I’m stupid so you gotta spell it out... I want you to open up to me in person... nobody has ever told me about their problems because they’re afraid that I’m some headcase and that I’ll go over the edge if someone shares their problems with me. I wanna make you feel better, I really do.” Pete took a moment to line up his next burst of words, analysing them carefully to make sure he didn’t sound like a jerk because apparently he was pretty good at sounding like a jerk. “I’m sorry I didn’t see before but I do now so I want you to tell me everything to my face and I wanna help you. Y’know?” Pete gave a smile. It was true, he wanted to help so badly that it made his bones hurt. He wanted to help because Patrick was the best thing that ever happened to him. Ever. Pete wasn’t gonna lie to himself, he owed Patrick his life.

Pete didn’t much like the idea of someone opening up to him and sharing their demons with him. Heck, he lived in fear of his own demons let alone other people’s. But to Pete, it was different when it came to Patrick. He WANTED to meet Patrick’s demons, he wanted to meet them and kick them to the kerb. He wanted to drive them away for Patrick. He didn’t want anything weighing down Patrick’s soul because he wanted Patrick to smile, Patrick wore a smile so well.

“I’m sorry... really I am so sorry for being an asshole. We should take turns talking to each other about are insanitys!” Pete suggested with a grin.