Gunslinger

When Dana was discharged the next morning, Emily and Matt insisted that she was to be staying at their place whilst she recuperated. Whilst she was thankful that her friends were standing by her, she felt empty inside. Despite her insistence that she was OK, she knew that Emily didn’t believe her.

She was sitting Indian style on the bed in Emily and Matt’s guest room, gazing out of the window and idling playing with the hem of her cargo shorts. Strangely, she missed wearing her grimy army fatigues and she laughed bitterly to herself. Whilst they had been wearing them, they had absolutely hated it, and now that she was back in normal clothing she wished she could go back to that time. She knew that part of the reason that she wanted to go back was so she could try again with Brian, but she knew that it wasn’t possible this time. They had tried again, and they had failed again.

Emily walked into the room, and sat beside Dana on the bed. Dana glanced at her, and Emily sighed at the hollowed, hurt look in Dana’s eyes.
“Honey, I know it hurts but you can’t wallow in here forever”, she sighed, pulling her dear friend into a hug.
“I should have known it was too good to be true”, Dana cried, tears starting to fall. “I just should have fucking known!”
“Jesus woman, keep it down!”, a voice came from outside the room. Dana felt a stab in her heart when she recognised the voice and a moment later Brian appeared in the doorway, with a beer in his hand. She felt her breath constrict in her throat when her eyes hit his beloved features. Through her tears, she noticed the disdainful look in his eyes, and she sobbed even harder.
“Brian, now’s not the time”, Emily said harshly. Brian rolled his eyes.
“Oh for fuck’s sake, woman”, Brian snapped. “What the hell is wrong with you? I always knew you were a fucking idiot, but this just takes the cake.”

With a strangled sob, Dana leapt off the bed and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door closed. She sat in the tub, with her knees drawn up to their chest and let the tears flow. How could she have been so stupid to fall in love with him? Had he found the whole experience in the past a game, and had he just told her he loved her so he could get some sex while he was in the past?

Emily turned to Brian and her eyes lit with fury.
“What the fucking hell is wrong with you, Syn?”, she yelled. Brian raised his hands.
“She’s a fucking basket case, Ems. She always has been. Why the hell do you think I hate having her around?” Emily shook her head.
“Just leave her alone, please”, she sighed. “She’s going through some shit right now and she doesn’t need you tormenting her.”
“We’ve been tormenting each other for years and she’s never run off like a screaming baby before. Guess I’m winning”, he said with a smirk.
“You’re not winning anything, you great fucking jackass. If anything, you’re losing,” With a sigh, she turned and walked into the bathroom. Brian shrugged, and continued to the main bathroom. He didn’t want to admit to himself that he had felt a pang in his heart when he had seen Dana’s tears, but he brushed it off.
“Probably indigestion”, he said to himself. “Why the hell would I care what she does?”

***************

Dana sat in the tub, tears streaming down her face whilst Emily did her best to calm her. How the hell could everything she had shared with Brian gone so horribly wrong? It was bad enough that he didn’t remember their time together in the past, but to have to see the complete disregard for her in his eyes cut her to the core.
“I was so wary at first that it was going to end badly”, Dana sighed, once she had managed to stop crying. “I really should have listened to my gut instinct.”
“So, now for the million dollar question”, Emily began. “What happened to send you two back to the past anyway?” Dana sighed, and glanced at Emily.
“You probably wouldn’t believe me if I told you”. Emily snorted in response to Dana’s reply.
“Um, you and Syn went back in time”, she exclaimed. “If I can believe that hon, I think I can believe the reason why.”
“Well, Madeline, the old lady that you saw, she came to me in the past as well and explained that Brian and I had lived a past life together in World War 2. We’d been lovers but we had a misunderstanding about a woman that I thought he was sleeping with, and I ended it with him. We weren’t there for each like we should have been, like we were the second time around. The first time around we both died.” Emily’s eyes widened in shock.
“So it was basically a second chance for you two to get back together?”
“Exactly”, Dana replied. “Except we fucked it up this time, too.”
“Honey, I really hope that Syn remembers”, Emily began softly, “but what are you going to do if he doesn’t?”
“I got no idea”, Dana sighed. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to face him again and know that I can’t ever have him.”

She rested her head on her drawn up knees, staring blankly at the end of the white porcelain bathtub. How could she live the rest of her life without the man that she loved with her entire being? She knew that she would never find another man to fill her heart the way Brian had, and if she did ever meet someone else there would always be a large chunk of her heart that would remain with Brian. What man could ever complete with him? What man would ever want to be with a woman who still carried a torch for another?
“I’m just fucking hopeless”, she sighed.