Loser Like Me

Loser Like Me™ {A Shane Dawson Love Story}

Chapter 3

"So...I’m like SUPER excited guys. First I want to thank all of you for watching my ‘crazy date with Shane Dawson’ video. I just wanted to let y’all know that Shane himself saw my video!! I’m not at liberty to discuss a collab sequel but... I should go now before I lose control and start squealing. Bye, guys!"

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"Earth to Darcy!" Aiden folded his arms over my shoulders while Jacob and Noah–twins, the rhythm guitarist and drummer for my band Bloody September–my other two roommates waved their hands in front of my face.

I sighed. "Sorry, guys." I was pretty bummed. I had no right to be, I knew, after I had suddenly skyrocketed to YouTube fame thanks to one of my three celebrity crushes (four if you counted my boyfriend Eli), but after I had read the email from him...

Hey wildncrazydarcy, this is Shane Dawson (I’m guessing your name is Darcy). (I got your email off your channel, I'm not a creeper or anything :p hopefully YOU'RE not a creeper lol jk)

Anyway, loved your video... About that sequel. I’d love to collab. However, I’m super busy and since I don’t really know you, we’d have to like film the parts separately...

Like my video "Shane Dawson Makes a Porn With Monikka"... Don’t know if you’ve seen it (I had. It was probably one of my favorites after "Douchebag", since he had guyliner in that one. Shane whispering, "Yeahhh", while being an aggressive porn maker... was probably the moment I first thought, ‘Man, he is so hot!!’; I’d seen his videos for years and had always thought him adorable and loved his eyes, but from that video on he became my crush and, admittedly, guilty pleasure, since I watched his new videos faithfully every Saturday.) but we wrote the script emailing back and forth like this then filmed each of our parts separately then cut them together.

I’ll be at VidCon again this year, and would love to meet you if you go. Until then, just let me know about the second vid.

Shane

That really freaking pissed me off. Like what, I was too lowlife to warrant a meeting and making an actual video? Did I mention, dear Shane, that my boyfriend was famous? (Okay, again, contrary to popular belief, I did not just date Eli to be a famewhore. But in this situation it probably would have helped, since I wasn’t really famous myself yet.)

And I most certainly would be at VidCon this year.

"Let’s go do something," I said. "Then we can come back and have band practice. Okay?"

"Sure," all three guys said simultaneously.

"Since when did your excitement over the Shane Dawson thing boil over?" Aiden asked.

"Since I decided I don’t want to make a video with him. That’s all."

"Doth my ears deceive me??" Aiden asked incredulously.

"Nope," I said, closing the subject. "Now are we going or not?"

I walked over to the couch where my dog (better known as my baby girl) was stretched out. When I approached her she rolled over and put all fours in the air (the sign I was supposed to pet her stomach). Instead I picked her up. She wasn’t so small, but she was small enough that she fit perfectly in my arms like a baby. "Come on, Cupcake. You gotta go in the gate, baby." I put her in the small kitchen of our apartment then put the baby gate up (so she wouldn’t run through the whole rest of the apartment where there was carpet and potty on the floor).

"So what are we doing?" Jacob asked as we left.

"Let’s go to the movies," I said. "I honestly don’t care if I look like a total slut with three boys on my arm." They all laughed. Every single one of them knew what a prude I was when it came to celibacy. I could have called and invited Chey to kind of even it out, but I wasn't ready for her to hear about the video disappointment just yet.

"What’s playing?" Noah asked.

I looked at the moviefone app on my iPod."Transformers 3–which features Black Veil Brides guys! You know my pick! Cars 2–seen it but loved it, so we can see it again. Uh, Zookeeper, Horrible Bosses, Harry Potter–heck no. Friends With Benefits–which I really want to see–"

A resounding "NO!" from the guys. They were just tripping; I always made them watch chick flicks (and made Aiden read chick lit for that matter) and they absolutely loved them. Guess they just didn’t want their reps ruined by seeing one in theaters.

"Monte Carlo–COMPLETE rip off of the Lizzie McGuire Movie! So no. Captain America–"

"Let’s do Captain America," Jacob interrupted.

"All right, he’s hot, so that sounds good." They all just rolled their eyes at me.

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The theater was less then 10 minutes from our apartment, and the way I drove we got there fast. We didn’t want to chance that they were sold out.

The line was terribly long. I was always impatient about these things.

"Uhhhh," I complained as we got in the back.

"Double uhhh," I mumbled as I noticed the couple in front of us with their arms around each other, a blonde (skanky looking from the back if you asked me) chick and a guy with dirty blonde emo-looking hair. I was one to talk; Eli and I did PDA all the time. I just didn’t really like seeing other couples being all lovey in public (or gross; once when we came to this theater a couple was making out down the adjacent strip and the guy had his hands all down the girl’s pants while his own pants were halfway to the ground. It was disgusting).

Aiden laughed when he saw them and caught my drift.

It was a good thing we arrived early, because it took us over 10 minutes to get to second in line and the movie was starting in 10.

That couple in front of us finally disentangled themselves from each other as they reached the front of the line.

"Two tickets to Captain America," the guy said, and I nearly died.

I recognized that voice immediately.