You're Pretty From Afar

Mia and I got ready earlier then everyone else and headed out to go shopping for a bit before we met up with them to eat. To be honest I was giving Josh a wide birth; I hadn’t seen him since he told me to go away and I didn’t really want to see him if he was still in the same mood.

The two of us got kind of distracted in the shops that we had to race to the restaurant because we were twenty minute late and we practically burst through the door.

“Look who decided to join us,” Max smiled as he got up to greet us.

“Sorry, your girlfriend here thought she would try on everything in the every single shop and then decide she wasn’t in the mood for buying anything,” I told Max.

Mia gave me a look, “Don’t pretend you didn’t do the exact same thing.”

“Whatever,” I laughed.

“It’s lovely to hear about your day girls but I’m freakin’ starving so can we please order,” Matt piped up.

“Fine,” I replied as Mia sat next to Max- Josh hadn’t even acknowledged me but I went and took the seat next to him anyway.

“Hey,” I said softly, I could feel Dan and Max watching me out the corner of their eyes which told me things had obviously not got any better.

“Hey,” Josh replied unenthusiastically, focusing on the menu.

“Are you alright?” I was practically dragging the conversation out of him.

“Mhmm,” was all I got in response so I decided to give up. Josh could be an idiot sometimes but he was being completely ridiculous, none of it was my fault so why was he being a dick to me? I sighed heavily and turned to face Chris and Dan and join in with their conversation about festivals they wanted to do this year.

Josh utter one word to anyone throughout the whole of the meal, it was really annoying me. All anyone wanted to was help him but he just pushed them away, I didn’t understand. I could feel the awkwardness around me and Josh’s mood was getting me down so I got up abruptly from the table and went to clear my head in the bathroom.

When I finished up and took a breather I stepped out of the bathroom and bumped into Dan, literally.

“Shit, sorry Dan,” I apologised.

“No worries,” he smiled, “how you holding up?”

I took a breath, “I’m okay.”

Dan looked intently at me, “And Josh?”

I returned Dan’s look, he knew what Josh was being like, “I just don’t get it, I would’ve thought he’d be okay now or at least talk to me but he won’t even acknowledge me and I don’t know what I’ve done wrong!” I could feel myself getting upset, I hated seeing Josh being so hard on himself and I felt so helpless.

Dan pulled me into a hug, “It’s not you, Josh has always been like this. He puts so much pressure on himself that he gets to the point where no one, not even the girl he loves, can change his opinion of himself or his mood. But don’t worry, he’ll get over it and then he’ll realise how much it upsets you to see him like that, it’ll be fine, I promise.”

***

For the next couple of days Josh was still in the same mind frame. He didn’t really speak to anyone, he just kept himself to himself, even when we lay in bed at night when I tried to start a conversation he just shut me down. I know he was going through some stuff but I was tired of him being such a dick.

Mia and Max were spending the day together and the rest of the guys, including Josh, were at the studio so I had the day to myself. Usually I would be psyched and go lounge by the pool or go explore but with the mood I was in because of Josh I really didn’t want to do anything. I looked at the time, 11.38am and turned over to go back to sleep- this was how I was going to spend the rest of the day.

Just as I began to drift off I heard someone come in the room so I waited for them to ask me something but instead I felt a body slide in the covers next to me and put their arm around my waist and pull me closer. I didn’t have the energy to wonder why someone was doing this and I knew exactly who it was from the familiar scent, which made me smile.

I wriggled around and turned to face Josh, “You know you can’t just get into bed and pretend like everything’s okay.”

“I know,” he said softly, closing his eyes and taking deep breath, “I’m sorry Lily, I’ve been a complete prick and I shouldn’t have, I've just been so wrapped up in my own little world. I know you and the guys were only trying to help and I never meant to push you away. I should’ve let you in, I just… I get so frustrated with myself and I can’t handle the pressure we’re under so I just shut myself off from everyone and everything. I guess the guys are used to it so know how to handle me but I never meant to make you upset and I really am sorry for that, I love you,” Josh finished and finally let out a breath.

I looked into his eyes and inched my face closer to his, placing a hand on his cheek, “It’s a good thing I love you too then,” I smiled, “it’s okay Josh, well not the bit where you were a complete prick to me but I understand and I know you didn’t mean to be. Just let me know when you’re going to be recording in future because I may happen to be away until you finish,” I laughed.

Josh laughed too, “Come here you,” he said as he pulled me on top of him, “I must say you are looking rather gorgeous on this fine afternoon and because of my stupidity I have been missing out so I think we need to change that.”

“Oh really? And how do you suppose we do that Franceschi?” I said innocently, straddling his waist.

He traced his finger up my arm to the strap of my vest, “I figure we start here and work our way down.”

I bit my lip and looked at him, fuck I wanted him so bad right now. And I definitely got him.