Marching On

Lavin was being both led and followed by members of her security team as she made her way off the jet. She pulled her thin sweater tightly around her body to fight off the wet breezed that escaped through the seams of the boarding ramp.

She looked down at her hands, all digits extended. They were quivering, but she could not tell if were from the damp London weather or her own nerves.

What would happen when she and Harry were finally face-to-face? Would the emotions be conveyed as easily as they had been over telephone lines?

She would see soon enough.

___

"What's going on?" Lavin questioned Essie, her head of security, as they stepped out onto the tarmac.

She was genuinely confused. Harry told her he would be there to pick her up and to take her back to Clarence House, but she along with her luggage were being packed into an empty vehicle.

Lavin gripped the opened back door, inspecting the inside briefly to see if Harry was hiding. Then, she looked to Essie who had just slammed the trunk shut.

"I don't understand, Essie. Where is he?" she asked.

"Nothing to worry about, ma'am; Harry's people got in touch with us earlier. He was called away to fill in for his grandfather at one of his charities," Essie explained, offering a nearly imperceptible smile to Lavin.

Lavin nodded and climbed into the vehicle. Essie followed afterwards. Once the door closed the vehicle started into motion and continued onto Clarence House.

____

A half an hour passed when they finally reached Clarence House. Lavin could see the green lawns glowing between the black irons of the perimeter fence and the butterflies in her stomach seemed to subside.

She smiled as she noticed her nervousness ebbing away. How could she be nervous? It was only Harry, after all; and this was his home. She knew his home was well as her own.

Lavin turned to Essie. "Do you think Harry's back by now?"

Essie shrugged. "I don't have knowledge of his current whereabouts. The staff inside should know."

Lavin nodded.

The car stopped by the front steps. Essie was the first one out and then Lavin followed. She did not move to help with her luggage; she knew it would be taken care of for her.

Impatiently, she made her way up the short set of steps to the door. It opened before she even had the chance to ring the bell.

"Your Majesty," said Clarence's butler, his voice deep and well-educated. "Welcome back."

"Thank you, Richard. It's lovely to see you again."

Richard smiled.

"Is Harry in?" she asked, acknowledging her security guards holding her two suitcases.

"No, he isn't, ma'am. But I don't think he should be much longer." Richard told her before instructing Essie and her counterpart, Bernard, where to take Lavin's luggage.

Essie and Bernard followed Lavin and Richard up two flights of stairs before reaching Harry's expansive suite.

"I'm not sure if I should be staying in Harry's rooms," Lavin said just before Richard placed his hand on the lustrous doorknob.

Richard smiled kindly. "Nonsense, ma'am. His Highness insisted on your staying with him."

Lavin licked her dry lips and nodded.

Richard turned the knob and all four entered into the suite. The butler flicked on lights as he went through the rooms. Essie and Bernard set her luggage down in the bedroom and quickly let Lavin to herself.

She watched the door shut behind them and turned her eyes to the detail of the rooms. Every detail of the room matched her memory. Lavin was relaxed by Harry's unchanged rooms; it gave her the feeling of home she hadn't felt since her father passed away.

___

Harry was back by the time she was finished with her shower. Her hair was damp, her face was clear of all makeup, and she changed into a pair of leggings and one of Harry's shawl-collared sweaters.

He was standing in front of his closet when she came out from the bathroom, stripping off his tie with expert fingers.

He turned towards the sound of the door opening.

Lavin stood frozen in the doorway; Harry's fingers idled around the ends of his tie. Harry blinked; Lavin mashed her lips together.

She was finding it very difficult to form words. A simple hello did not seem like it would suffice in this particular situation. Luckily, Harry seemed to be having the same struggle.

They continued to watch each other. Harry's eyes were wandering over her body. Lavin was doing the same. He looked tired and his beard had some growth. Harry's body appeared taller and a bit more muscular than when she last saw him.

___

A small shock wave of panic spread over Harry when Lavin stepped out of the bathroom and a shred of relief that she was here.

With his hands frozen around his tie his eyes inspected every inch of her. Lavin seemed smaller both in height and weight than he remembered. She had gained some color from her short holiday in New York, but her eyes made her look much older than she was.

To him, she looked like an incredibly broken young woman. Harry wanted to pull her into his arms, protect her, and never let go. But somewhere inside of him was screaming to keep her at a distance and he knew it was his thrice-broken heart.

____

"Hi." Harry had been the first to speak, his fingers animated once more.

Lavin felt the corners of her lips involuntarily tug upwards.

"Hey."

"Still stealing my clothes, I see," Harry said, eyeing her in mock-suspicion.

Lavin watched him slip off his leather dress shoes, and then looked down at his sweater she was wearing. The pale green sweater hung on her body, but it was warm and smelled like him.

"I'm sorry. I just. . . I just wanted to be. . ." she stammered over her words. She felt emotionally stunted.

"Go on," Harry insisted kindly, hanging his blazer.

Lavin took several tentative steps towards him.

"I just wanted to be close to you."

___

Harry turned away from her as he smiled. It was nice to hear Lavin admit she missed him; he had not been so sure she did miss him even after their last exchange over the phone.

He quickly unbuttoned his shirt and replaced it with a t-shirt.

"You look tired," he observed.

She nodded and replied, "So do you."

Harry nodded, fiddling with the button of his trousers. He could not understand why he felt uncomfortable stripping off his pants in front of her when he had done it so many times before.

"What do you want to do today?" he asked, undoing his belt which gae him something to occupy part of his attention and his hands.

Did this feel as strange to her as it was to him? Or was he alone in feeling torn and awkward?

Lavin shrugged but he saw her eyes look towards the bed.

"Would you mind if I took a nap?" she asked.

Harry shook his head. "Sure."

Lavin closed the gap between her and the bed and pulled the covers down. She snuggled deeply into the cool bed and wrapped the downy comforter and sheets close to her body.

Harry watched as her damp hair stuck to his pillow and how her face mashed against the side of it. She looked much younger to him now.

"Will you lay with me?" she asked, her voice so quiet that Harry nearly missed it.

He looked at her for a long second before nodding his head. Harry stepped out of his slacks, folded them neatly, and acutely became aware of how naked her felt.

He lifted the covered and laid beside Lavin. Slowly he wrapped his arms around her waist; his hand slipping beneath the fabric of the sweater and grazing her warm skin.

Her muscled tightened as his hand passed over them; Lavin turned her body to face him.

___

Lavin no longer felt tired once Harry's hand slipped against her stomach. The muscles in her stomach tweaked delightfully and she turned to him.

She lifted herself on her elbow and passed her hand across Harry's chest, settling it on his cheek; it was blotched with redness and Harry leaned into her touch.

Lavin kissed him. It was a soft and cautious kiss. She kissed him again, her lips lingering longer this time. It took a third gentle kiss for Harry to respond; he pushed himself against the headboard and placed his hands softly around her neck, pulling her up with him.

She leaned into him, running her hands through his hair and resting them on his shoulders. His heartbeat thumped beneath her fingertips igniting her own need.

Harry's hands inched the sweater over her abdomen, then her chest, and finally over her shoulders and head. He let it drop on the sheets beside them. His fingertips were like feathers as they ran the length of her stomach, passing the semblance of delicate ribs. His fingers pushed the bra straps from her shoulders and brought his lips to he chest.

Her hands lingered closer and closer to the waist band of Harry's boxers. She pushed her fingers passed it and Harry's body tensed.

Before she had time to register what was happening Harry was pushing her away and getting off the bed. He left the room without uttering a word.

"Harry?" Lavin called after him before he disappeared beyond the doorway of his bedroom.

She pushed the bra straps onto her shoulders and she slid from the bed. Her thoughts were racing and she felt panic warm her chest.

He wasn't in the parlor or the study. She found Harry in the dining room, sitting at the table with his face buried in his hands.

Suddenly, Lavin felt exposed standing in the dining room with only a bra and leggings with the mid-afternoon gloom peering through the large French windows. She crossed her arms over her chest.

He looked up at the sound of her bare feet padding across the hardwood floor. His eyes were teary.

"I. . ."

Lavin watched him struggle for words. It was painful to watch, heartbreaking. Harry's face was clouded with overwhelming emotion.

"That in there. . .I'm not sure what I'm trying to say."

He looked away pitifully.

Lavin took a seat beside him, extended her hand and then retracted it. She had no idea what was going on or if it was appropriate to touch him.

"Tell me what's going on. Help me understand, Harry."

Harry shrugged. "I'm sorry, Lavin. I just don't have a good answer."

"Give it a try," she said hopefully, letting her hand hold part of his forearm. She could feel the slightest pull from him but after a moment he seemed okay with her touch.

Harry's fingers danced slowly from each of Lavin's fingers like he was playing keys on a piano. He was taking his time with saying his words, but Lavin didn't mind as long as he wasn't pulling away.

His finger stopped playing.

"I am scared."

"Scared?" she repeated.

Harry nodded. "I thought I was ready. I dreamed of you every night, Lavin. I've lost count of how many times I've woken up thinking you were laying beside me. I thought seeing you was going to be easier."

Lavin's eyes welled with tears.

"Did you think of me at all?" he asked.

Lavin nodded her head furiously. "Of course I did, Harry. Of course I did. I never once stopped thinking about you."

"Then why did you go to Tom again?"

Tears were running very slowly from Harry's eyes.

"You told me you understood everything when we talked over the phone," said Lavin.

Harry shook his head. "I though I did. I know what it's like to lose a parent. I know what it's like to feel like you're out of control, but I also know what it's like to be given hope and then dropped three times by the same girl."

Lavin shook her head, trying to think of ways to herself and her actions.

"My heart's been in pieces since the first time this happened when I was in Afghanistan. I finally started to feel like myself once we were together again. I understand that family and country come first, but I can't stand this pattern we've fallen into."

"I'm sorry," Lavin muttered lamely.

"You've said that before."

"What do you want me to say?" she asked. She wasn't bothering with the tears that weer washing down her cheeks, but it took everything in her not to give into the sob she was holding back.

Harry held his forehead in his palms, staring at the lace table cloth.

"This is going to take a while for me to get over. I can't just pick up where we left things. I thought I'd be able to, but I can't. . . I won't risk being hurt again."

"Do you still want to be in this relationship?" she asked timidly. Her hands were in her lap.

Harry looked at her incredulously. "Of course I do. There is no one else for me. I've been set on you since we were teenagers."

Her hand covered her mouth as she looked away from him and cried. Her shoulders shook with each ragged breath. His honesty was so astounding that she couldn't bring herself to look at him.

A wave of so many emotions--love, admiration, respect towards Harry, and self-loathing--erupted inside of her.

Harry had never once been at fault. He never ran off with another woman because he found it hard to love from a distance like she had. Harry only ever loved her and while she loved him very much she had capriciously played with his heart for far too many years.

"Lavin?" he said, his voice thick with emotion.

She felt his warm hand on her bare shoulder and she straightened her spine. She lowered her hand and finally looked at him; her eyes streaming, nose dripping, and chin quivering.

"You are an amazing man," she told him earnestly. "You have put with up so much of my shit for so long and you're still here. I've been horrible to you. How could you still want me?"

"I. . . no . . . that is not what it's about at all, Lavin."

"Then what is it about?" she asked, pushing herself up from the table. She couldn't even stand to be near herself. She wanted very much to run away.

"We've known each other all of our lives. I have loved you for most of mine and despite whatever has happened in the past we will always be connected to each other. We bring out the best in each other, but also the worst. We grow and we learn from it, and that's what I believe love is."

Lavin sucked in a deep breath, an attempt to calm her heaving chest. She attempted to wipe her face dry and looked at Harry, shaking her head in awe.

He shrugged. "I love you."

A new wave of tears feel from her eyes and she moved towards him. She grabbed Harry's face in her hands and kissed him with great admiration.

"I love you," she whispered once she pulled away.

___

Harry pulled her gently into his lap, his arms fastening securely around her hips. She wrapped one warm around his neck while the other hand dried his tears.

He kissed her temple.

Maybe it made him a weak man to love a woman who hurt him so many times, but he didn't care. It was nice to have Lavin in his arms again.

Like his brother said, Harry couldn't blame her for running to Tom a second time. Her motivation was to be with someone close and yet so disconnected from her current situation. Admittedly, his impulsive decision to date Caroline involved similar intentions.

Something in his gut knew this reparation was different and that things would be better between them. But, even as he held Lavin to his chest, he feared how their families and her country would react.

Lavin leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Do you want to go back to bed?" she asked. "Just to rest."

"Yeah, sure," he said, lifting them from the chair and placing her on her feet.

Harry grabbed her hand and together they walked to the bedroom, climbed into bed, and laid wrapped in each other's arms. As they laid there Harry heard only their breathing and the light pattering of rain just before he drifted into a dreamless sleep.