Stare and Wonder

Another week had passed since those images were carved in my mind, haunting it every minute.
I would every now and then see them together but it seems like she was acting hard to get. Righ.
More easily would the pope preach gay orgies than she would be the hard kind.
The only thing she was hard at was at hardly not being caught in some random dude’s bed.

For some unknown reason she had decided to walk to our table today and lean close to Matt, her over sized cleavage right in front of his face.
“Hello Mattie. Just came by to wish you a good game tonight.”
The look on his face could only be compared to the one on kids’ faces on Christmas.
“Thanks. Aren't’t you going to be there?” He hopefully asked.
Just what she wanted.
“Of course sweetheart, I wouldn't’t lose the chance o cheer lead you for nothing.”
A real smile appeared on his face.
I wasn’t too sure who I pitied the most, if myself or he. I couldn’t believe he actually thought she liked him. That slut liked no one but herself.
“And maybe we could…who knows, go out after the game?”
If he looked happy before there was no way to describe how he was now. It should be impossible to smile wider. It really should. He shouldn’t be able to smile that big thanks to her.
It wasn’t right, wasn’t fair…

The more I saw the two of them, the more I realized I would soon become invisible. The more I got sure I’d end up blowing my brains against the ceiling.

“Did you see that?” my friends whispered among themselves, commenting the way my sister was acting towards Matt.
“I can’t believe she thinks she’s got a chance with him. C’mon that would be fucking crazy…”
“Don’t you agree with us Nikki?”
A knot formed itself in the pit of my stomach making me feel incredibly awful.
“I…I’m going to the bathroom.”

Cliche I know. Running out of the huge canteen, getting weird looks from everyone who watched my exit and locking myself in a dirty and vandalized stall in the bathroom.
The few contents of my stomach were soon getting spilled into the disgusting-looking toilet in front of me. It’s not like I had much in my stomach.
I was even losing my appetite with all that was going on, all the worrying, stressing, crying. My own body refused to do something useful for me.

I tied my hair and held unto the sink for support as my all body shaken, about to give in underneath me.
I look like total trash. That was my first impression as soon as I saw my reflection in the mirror.
My eyes were dull with bags underneath from the lack of sleep and moved around slowly. My face was pale and sunken, no cute blush on my cheeks like usual, just the sickly white tone all over. My mouth was dry; I could still feel the bitter taste of my stomach acids inside it.
I rinsed it, trying to take that taste away, splashed my face to maybe make it more alive-looking but nothing worked, I still felt like shit. They made me feel like shit.

Just like I feared all he thought about was her now.
Right in the morning, when I was hoping for a good start, I was informed that I was staying with the biggest asshole in class since Matt had ditched me to stay with Lilly.
Didn’t even bother warning me of it.
Then some hours later when I was talking to him about the ideas I had gotten to gather more money for his band, all he did was occasionally nod with eyes glued to my sister some tables away and say “can we talk about that later?” not even waiting for an answer before dashing.

A single tear slid down my face, giving an example to the million others I was holding back.
I wasn’t only crying for he fact the man of my life couldn’t care less if I dropped dead, I was also crying for the so-called best friend I lost.
It sure wasn’t overrated how awful my sister was but she made him no brainwash, he was the one who chose to forget me.