Dark Blue

Valentine

I scattered chunks of potato around the glossy ceramic plate with my fork, the starch white cast covering my busted arm making a great contrast against the dark wood of the table. The noise of metal scraping against the dishware was the only thing filling the silent dining room, aside from the far off sound of the washing machine a few rooms over and three different sets of inhaling and exhaling.

Even with my eyes focused on the path of the fork, I could feel my parents' stares burning holes straight through my forehead. I had been debating for the past ten minutes we'd been sitting at the table about whether or not to meet their gazes and attempt painful small talk. I'd been home from the hospital for nearly a month, and yet somehow I still seemed to be trapped in the intersection. My mom cried almost every time she asked me how I was doing, and my dad was attempting to be cheerful, but a bit obnoxiously and unrealistically so.

I knew they were only trying to help me, but what I wanted and needed was for things to feel normal again. Every single person I saw treated me like I was a wounded puppy or fragile victim. I knew it was all out of the best intentions, but it made the reality of the accident and Sage being gone so much more blatantly obvious and paralyzing than it would have been. Sage was the one who would've plopped down beside me and say my moping around was depressing, and we should head down to the go-cart track, completely convinced she would win since I was temporarily crippled.

The sound of Dad clearing his throat drew me out of my near-comatose state, and there was a goosebump inducing screech as my fork ran the length of the plate. I glanced up with a blank stare, too tired to feel much of anything anymore. I didn't even have the energy to form the simple question. He could tell, I knew, because of the slight furrow that formed between his eyebrows.

"Valie, sweetheart, don't play with your food," he scolded lightly.

I didn't mean to flinch, but the way his voice rang through the quiet sounded harsh and startled me. He started to apologize but I just nodded, forcing a small bite into my mouth. For the most part my appetite had disappeared around the time of impact, and it never really came back.

I glanced up to see if he was satisfied, and in the process I caught a glimpse of Mom's eyes glossing over. I felt a tug of something through my exhaustion, but quickly focused back on my plate. It would be another long meal, without a doubt.

~*~

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I stifled a groan. I didn't have to look at it to know who it was. I couldn't help but stare at the glossy screen, where the word HOME was spelled out clearly. Finally, I hit the silence button and kept walking.

I couldn't even go for a walk to clear my head without getting a call from home every other block. The first call rang out before I even made it past the driveway. The driveway!

I was so lost in my own mind that I wasn't aware of the person walking at me until I ran into him. Hard. I could feel every bruise and fracture start on fire as I stumbled backwards, only to have a hand on the small of my back, steadying me. I blinked back a few tears and looked up at a blurry but familiar face.

"Nice save, thanks," I breathed out. I could feel myself wincing as I steadied on my own and looked up into tired hazel eyes. "And sorry about, you know, crashing into you..."

Jax's lips twitched into an almost smile. "You should really watch where you're going."

"You think I would have learned by now," I shrugged uncomfortably, an immediate grimace twisting my face as the pain shot up my ribs.

"Where are you headed to, anyway?"

My shoulders slumped a bit and I frowned. "I don't really know. Away."

"Should you really be walking all by yourself?" he asked with concern flooding his voice. He knit his eyebrows together and half reached out, not quite knowing what to do. I managed a roll of my eyes and reached up to ruffle his shaggy wheat locks with my good arm.

"I'm a big girl, Jax. High school graduate and everything," I teased halfheartedly. His cheeks flushed a rosy shade as he stumbled over his words.

"I didn't mean it like that, it's just with the accident and everything," he sputtered out quickly.

"Hey, it's fine. I was just kidding."

His expression almost relaxed aside from his still glowing cheeks. "Oh. Sorry, Val."

"It's okay," I assured him with a weak smile. "And yeah, my parents aren't exactly cool with it; they call every few minutes. But I had to get out of the house, thank god my legs are fine."

"They're probably just worried," he offered, his face finally starting to return to normal. "And I'm sure it's not that often."

I raised my eyebrows sharply, and with just the small movement I could feel the cuts on my forehead scream. "I'm sure it is."

He opened his mouth to argue, but was interrupted by my loud ring tone. I smiled triumphantly as he rubbed the back of his neck. I chuckled to myself, and he rolled his eyes at me. I could care less though; nothing like my parents' timing to prove a point.

"You should probably stop gloating and answer that," he pointed out, and I stuck my tongue out before holding my Blackberry to my ear.

"Hey Mom," I said sweetly, trying to pretend I hadn't just talked to her five minutes ago.

"Hey sweetheart. How's the walk going?" she asked, and I could hear the concern in her voice.

"I'm fine Mom," I murmured, turning slightly away from Jax. He was acting like the clouds were the most interesting things in the world, and I was grateful.

"Alright. You sure you don't need me or your father to come pick you up? You aren't too tired?"

"I'm fine," I repeated, shifting my weight between my feet. "I'll be home in a little bit."

"Okay. I love you Valentine," she said, clearing her throat. I could practically hear her voice wavering through the phone, and my throat tightened.

"Love you too. See you at home."

I sighed as I tucked the phone into the back pocket of my shorts. Jax was giving me space, which I greatly appreciated. I took a deep breath and ran my hand over my face before turning my full attention to him.

"And to think you didn't believe me," I joked lightly. He bit his lip before giving me a small smile.

"I'll never doubt you again," he promised, raising his hands up in defeat.

"Good choice."

Silence flooded over us and I kicked at the ground. I could tell he wanted to say something, but I couldn't tell quite what it was yet. I waited, my gaze focusing on my chipped coral toenail polish. Finally, I just couldn't take it anymore.

"They just worry about me a lot, since the accident," I said, my voice sounding thick to my own ears.

"Can't blame 'em for that," Jax commented, and I nodded, letting my bangs fall into my face.

"No. I'm still in pretty rough shape," I agreed.

"They probably are too," he said softly. I froze and met his stare. "It's just, you and Sage were there physically, but I think that others are scarred too, emotionally and psychologically."

I really looked at him. I could see the features I recognized from high school: his strong jaw, shaggy blond locks, sharp nose, and almond eyes. Yet somehow, he almost seemed like a different person. His hair was mused as if he ran his hands through it multiple times. His jaw was clenched almost permanently and his nose was slightly red around the tip. The most giving difference, though, was in his eyes. They were still the same hazel they'd been forever, but the edges were tinged with red and bloodshot; something else about them was off too. They looked sad, glassy, and much too old for just nineteen.

For the umpteenth time since the accident, I just didn't know what to say.

"Do you need to get home now?" he asked gently.

"I probably should."

"Would you like me to walk you back?"

I hesitated, but I could hear Sage urging me forward.

"Yeah, thank you."