Dark Blue

Valentine

It was weird to be smiling, like really smiling, after faking it for so long. Yet as I watched the boys pouring their hearts and souls on that stage and to that audience, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world. The hour leading up to the show had been a roller coaster, but I didn't regret accepting Garrett's invitation for one minute. As the song came to a close, Garrett caught my eye from my spot off-stage, and he winked. My heart jumped and I bit my bottom lip as the last hour flashed before my eyes.

~*~

Pat, Kennedy, Jared, and I sat awkwardly in silence as John ran out after Garrett. I had tried to go, but John insisted I stay and convinced me he had it covered. With every second that passed though, I wasn't so sure. I nibbled on my lip and twisted my hair around anxiously, trying not to make eye contact with the others. Being around people, especially ones I didn't know that well, was not my strong point.

"Maybe I should-" I started, but Pat shook his head.

"It'll be okay. This has been a long time coming, it just happened to occur at a really, really bad time since you're here and all," Pat rambled.

"Are you sure?" I asked, finally looking into his eyes, which were reassuring.

"Yeah. Garrett needs to hear what John has to say."

"Okay," I said finally, slouching farther into the seat.

"Things have just been hard on him, with the accident and everything," Kennedy added, and I nodded.

"I know."

"How much do you know about... All of that?" Jared asked hesitantly, and I fought back the urge to laugh.

"A lot more than you think," I said softy, almost hoping they wouldn't hear.

But they heard every single word. I studied the ceiling in an effort to avoid their eyes, which were all staring at me. I felt like bolting or just melting right into the floor. Something clicked in Pat's mind, and I saw his head tilt slightly to the side as his lips parted ever so slightly.

"I knew you looked familiar," he said quietly. I finally turned my attention to him, my expression blank.

"Bro, what are you talking about?" Kennedy asked, his gaze turning to Pat instead. Jared looked like he was watching a tennis match the way his eyes jumped between Pat and me. I focused instead on Pat, who was starting to talk again.

"I've seen you around, at the Nickelsen's. You..."

I nodded curtly, wrapping my arms around myself in an attempt to stay put. The other two still looked clueless, and I waited for Pat to give me the look that I'd been getting for the past few weeks, but it never came. His eyes softened, but other than that, I didn't see it. I was completely baffled.

"What the hell is going on?" Kennedy asked, a bit louder this time.

"It's nothing," Pat said quickly, trying to cover for me. I appreciated it so much, but I knew I couldn't hide forever.

"It's okay," I said to Pat before turning to the other two. "I guess Garrett didn't really tell you how we know each other. I, uh... Sage is- was- my best friend. We were inseparable since we were just little kids, so I've known Gare forever."

Jared and Kennedy's jaws dropped ever so subtly, and I gave a pathetic attempt at a smile. I waited for a moment, unsure if any of them were going to say anything. When they didn't, I knew I had to keep going. I mean, it was tell them now or have another awkward conversation later.

"Garrett didn't exactly lie when he said I broke my arm in a freak accident. There wasn't anything expected about it," I swallowed, and I looked out the window in an attempt to keep it together; my voice sounded thick and low. "Sage and I had gone to the movies, and everything about that night had been normal. She wasn't speeding, we were wearing our seat belts, she was a good driver; it didn't make a difference, though. The other guy blew right through the stoplight, and we never saw him coming until there was no chance."

It was complete and total silence, and I couldn't quite tell how much time passed. Eventually, I felt the strong urge to look at them, and when I did, it wasn't at all what I was expecting. The look that I had grown so accustomed to the last few weeks had not infected the bus. They all had a particular look on their face, but just sadness. The pity wasn't there, nor was the delicate "she's-going-to-crumble" gaze. In that moment right there, I understood why Garrett loved these boys so much, and I fell in love with them myself, the way some people do when they see the ocean or a sunset for the first time.

"That sucks," Pat said finally, and the other two quickly hit him over the head.

All three of them watched me anxiously, and for a little while, I just blinked at them with my jaw dropped. Then, I did the unthinkable: my lips curled into a smile, and my laughter echoed in the small space. Tears were forming in the corners of my eyes, both from a certain sadness and relief, I think.

"Yeah," I choked out finally, all three of them watching me. "It really does."

I don't know what was running through their minds as they watched me have my moment of absolute madness. Maybe they thought I lost my mind and sanity, or that I was having a manic episode. It took multiple seconds and what felt like Sage slapping me in the back of the head before I realized the concerned looks they were giving me.

"I'm sorry. It's just, Pat caught me off guard. I've spent so much time since the accident listening to people tell me how sorry they are and giving me sugarcoated condolences and kind words. It was just really really nice to hear someone say the ugly truth about it," I explained, running my fingers through my hair, feeling suddenly self-conscious.

"It makes sense," Jared offered, rubbing the back of his neck.

"It's just, Sage was this amazing, vibrant girl, and I feel like none of those sickly sweet words do her any justice. Like, she would be rolling her eyes and telling it how it is," I added.

"I know what you mean," Kennedy said, his lips twitching into a grin. "I remember a year or two back, I did something really stupid when I was drunk and completely pissed off a girl I was dating. I spent the next few days miserable with her ignoring my calls, and people kept telling me 'If it was meant to be it would,' and 'things happen for a reason' and all that shit. But Sage saw me moping around, asked what was wrong, and after I explained the whole ordeal, she told me I was a moron and deserved to get my sorry ass dumped."

"Classic Sage," I chuckled with a shake of my head.

"I remember that," Pat exclaimed, smiling. "You tried to chuck a spoon at her, but missed and hit JohnO."

"And then he tipped your cereal onto your lap and Sage told you that you threw like a girl!" Jared finished, the last few words muddled by our combined laughter.

"God I was so mad, mainly 'cause I knew she was right," Kennedy shook his head. "I miss her."

There was a soft chorus of agreement before we fell silent again. My mind floated between Sage's dark blue eyes and Garrett's identical ones, and I wondered what was taking him and John so long. My thoughts were thankfully broken by Pat, who was twisting a water bottle in his hands.

"I just wish there was something we could do for her now."

I nodded, biting down on my lip. "I've thought the same thing. I just want to find a way to keep her alive, or at least a part of her. I don't want the world to forget about her, because god knows Sage wasn't just a teenage girl."

"But how?" Jared asked, propping his elbows up on the table and resting his head in his hands.

"Well, this might sound crazy, but maybe setting up a foundation or a scholarship or a memorial; something that would take on her name to do something she'd be proud of," I murmured, tapping my fingernails against my cast in thought.

"That's actually a great idea," Jared replied, and the other two nodded in approval.

"We could talk to Tim about it. I mean, I'm sure with the tour and everything, we could all sacrifice some of our pay to do this for her," Kennedy suggested.

"It's the least we could do," Pat nodded.

"I mean, I just feel like she would have done amazing things if she had gotten the chance," I said softly. "But she didn't, and I feel like I owe it to her to do that for her."

"We all do," Pat tacked on, shooting me a sad smile. I returned it, gnawing on my lip as the wheels in my head spun.

Jared opened his mouth, but never got to say whatever it was he wanted to. The door squealed open, commanding all of our attention as two familiar faces appeared behind it.

"What did we miss?" Garrett asked, his eyebrows raised as eyes flickered between the rest of us, John's green orbs doing the same thing.

~*~

Jared and Kennedy had quickly explained our idea to John and Garrett, who listened with emotionless expressions until the very end. My pulse had been out of control, and when Garrett's lips finally twitched up into the smallest smile, I felt a wave wash away all of my nerves and anxieties. We didn't have much time to go into detail with it, but I knew the boys would do the whole thing justice.

I felt Garrett's eyes still on me as the next song started up, and when I snapped back into reality, I felt a blush working its way onto my cheeks. Garrett noticed and raised his eyebrows, and I flipped him off with my good hand. I could see him chuckling and Kennedy nudging him as he noticeably messed up the bass line.

"Wait, wait wait," John said into the microphone, and the music stopped. The audience fell silent as the singer faux-glared at the bassist. "Gare, we all know you aren't very good at this, but what the hell are you doing?"

"Sorry bro," Garrett replied, leaning into Kennedy's microphone. "I got distracted."

"Well, it's probably for the best, since I realized this song wouldn't be right if we didn't say something first," John paused, and he and Garrett shared a look. The audience was apparently just as baffled as I was, but finally, I saw Garrett give a slight nod of his head and grab the microphone off of the stand.

"So, I know that a lot of you here in Tempe have heard by now about a car accident a few weeks back, which severely injured one girl, and took the life of another, my little sister, Sage," Garrett said softly, and the audience was dead silent. "Sage was caring, loving, smart, so beautiful, and the best sister I could have asked for; she always came to every home show, and this hasn't been easy for me tonight. But I want to thank you all for being here tonight to support us."

The audience broke into applause, and I saw Garrett bow his head and wipe his eyes. The other members of the band were all doing pretty much the same thing, and I could feel the tears pouring down over my own cheeks as the roar of the audience filled my ears. Finally, Garrett brought the microphone back to his mouth and looked up.

"This next song is called Every Road, and it happened to be Sage's favorite song by us. So little sis, this is for you. It's all for you tonight," he said thickly before putting the mic back in the stand and pawing at his eyes with the back of his hands.

I couldn't hold back the sob that escaped my lips, and my hands, cast and all, covered my face as John's voice, strained with tears, floated through the warm air. I could hear the fans singing their hearts out with him, and somewhere in all of that beautiful chaos, I swear I heard Sage singing right along with all of them.