College Frerard

“Sorry. Forget that. Forget it all. I didn’t mean to confuse you, I’m just feeling a bit ill. You know that you’re my mate, nothing more. I promise. I’m going to go get some sleep, see you later. x”

...

He... But... Eh?! Just a mate? Nothing more? HE PROMISES?! But... NO! No. I... GAWD! Fuck it. Fuck him. I was kinda thinking that maybe ‘this’ could be ‘something’... I guess I was fucking wrong. I’m angry. Again. So fucking angry. I...

“Nah it’s cool, dude. Have a good rest. I’m off to the pub to see Ray. Get some action, you know? ;)” I typed. Quick. Then I grabbed my bag and stormed out of the college grounds, and once again, back to ‘The Red Rooster’.

“Three visits in three days? And it’s only nine! You must be hating college.” Ray smirked as I sat down on my ‘usual’ stool.
“Meh.” Was the only ‘word’ that I could form as I rested my forehead on the bar table. Ray softly patted my head before pouring me a beer and placing it next to my head.
“Sorry I had to dash off earlier. Figured you deserved some sleep, so I didn’t wake you.”
“It’s cool.” I muttered, sitting up and staring at the beer. “Shit... Umm... Can I have something stronger?” I asked Ray.
“No.” He stated, folding his arms across his chest. I sank back down with my head on the bar table and moaned. “No. Because you drunk too much last night, and it’s only early. My decision is final.” He said, and I heard him walk off to serve another customer. I sat back up and glared at the glass of beer before shrugging and gulping it down. After sitting and staring at the wall for a few minutes, Ray came back over. “Gee, what do you want?” He sighed, standing between me and the wall, braking my gaze. I didn’t answer him, though. I just stared at him, wondering how I should respond.
“I... I came to see you?” I finally replied, but there was a questioning tone in my voice. It was obvious I wasn’t sure about my answer.
“No. Gee. I can tell there’s something wrong, and you can talk to me about it if you want. But what happened last night, it was nothing, and I know you hardly like me like that. I can see it when you speak. You’re in love with someone. And Hell, it’s not me. So. I’ll ask again. What do you want?” Ray finished.

What do I want?

My eyes began to water and I could feel my heart begin to beat faster. My hands were shaking and my voice had run away from me.
“I... I want...” I started, struggling to form a sentence. And then I realised. Wrong verb. “I need him.”
I need him. I need Frank. Shit. I know it’s true... I... FUCK. My body stopped shaking but tears began to fall down my cheeks. “I hardly know him... But... I need him. He means everything. I just... When he’s not with me I feel so shit. I hate seeing him upset. And he’s beautiful. He makes me laugh. And he makes me feel so much better than I’ve ever felt before... I love him.” I rushed, my tears falling from my eyes at a rapid pace, but I was smiling so fucking much... I’ve just realised. I love him.
Shit, I know it’s creepy but... I think I do. I’ve been with guys who’ve made me feel good, guys who’re a good fuck, guys who make me laugh, but Frank was different to all of them... Frank was perfect.

“So.” Ray smiled as he wiped away my tears with the back of his sleeve. “There’s your answer. And now you know what you’ve got to do, don’t you? You need to find him and tell him everything you’ve just told me. If this ‘Frank’ really does mean this much to you, you can’t let him get away, Gerard.”
...
Just a mate. Nothing more.
...

I sighed and rested my head back on the bar table.
“He doesn’t want me, though. He just thinks of me as a mate.” I mumbled. Ray began to gently stroke the back of my head again.
“You still need to tell him. You need to get it off your chest. You’ll feel so much better, I swear.” He said.
“Yeah... But... What if I tell him and he freaks out? What if he finds it creepy or gets scared? Then what?” I moaned before being pulled off the table so I was once again looking at Ray.
“Gerard, I think this guy’s lied to you. How could anyone not fall for you? You’re handsome, sweet, and just lovable... And quite hot.” He said with a smile, winking after the last part. I giggled before he carried on, “If he really is a friend, he’ll understand and let you know he doesn’t feel the same, and you guys will just carry on like nothing happened. ... If he wants more than friendship, which is what I suspect, then you both get what you want. But if you keep this to yourself, you’ll be eaten up from the inside. He will never know how you feel, and things will be awkward.” He shrugged before finishing his speech. “It’s your choice. But I say go for it.” He smiled. “Now get your ass outta my pub and find Frank and tell him you love him. OKAY?!”
I giggled once more before thanking Ray and rushing out of the door, running all my way back to the college.