Reaching Agnes

I entered the abortion clinic and I hate to say that’s the most horrible place I have ever been into. This place looked so sick and smelled like death. Without losing any more anytime, I went over to the receptionist and asked for Agnes.

“Is there a patient name Agnes here?” The receptionist looked at me like I was crazy.

“I can’t give you any information from the patient.”

“That means she’s here, right?”

“I can’t give you that information.” Her attitude was really bitchy and I was in no mood to pull up with her.

“Let me say this straight. This woman I’m looking for is about to make the biggest mistake of her life and I’m here to stop her, so could you please tell me where is she?” I tried asking nicely but it came out as a threat.

“She’s um…”

“SOMEBOY HELP ME!” That was her voice, Agnes was screaming for help and I ran in the direction of her voice.

“Sir! You can’t go there!” I heard the receptionist screaming but I didn’t listen to her. I checked every room in the way, but Agnes wasn’t inside any of them.

“NO!” That scream came from the last room on the left and I reached the door and open it. I saw the hospital bed and two male nurses holding down Agnes. A needle was in her left arm, but luckily not all the liquid in it was inside her.

“Let her go you fucking bastards!” I punched them both in the face and they feel on the ground and I could feel my blood boiling inside of me as I took the needle out of her arm carefully. Agnes was sedated and her face was covered in tears, her cheeks were red and that image breaks my heart… “I’m going to fucking sue you all for this!”

I pick up Agnes in my arms carefully and took her stuff from the desk. As I left, that place, I had to hold my tears of anger and frustration in. I wanted to hit something and let out my frustration in it. Is almost impossible to believe that those people were forcing Agnes to have an abortion! I should go back there and kill them all. The reason why I don’t do it, is because I’m holding Agnes in my arms, fragile and weak, that I just couldn’t leave her, she needed me…

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“Is she okay?” I asked to the doctor in charge of Agnes case.

“She’s fine. The patient and the baby are both healthy. Try to avoid her any situation of stress it is no good for the baby.” He told me revising his notes.

“Can I see her?” I felt my heart heavy in my chest, like I was carrying a heavy burden.

“Yes, you can go inside. She can leave the hospital as soon as she wakes up, but remember that she needs a lot of rest and eat healthy food and I will leave the recipe with the receptionist. Make sure you pick that up before leaving.”

“Okay, and thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” The doctor walked away and I entered the hospital room.

At first I didn’t know if I should have taken Agnes to the hospital, but she looked so pale that I had to be sure she was fine. The nurses and the doctor were driving me crazy asking me question about Agnes health, if she was allergic to some medication, her last name, which I lied saying she was my wife and why I took her to the hospital. They even fill up a police report when I told her what happened today at the abortion clinic. The police officer told me it wasn’t the first time that clinic had legal problems and that I should sue them and so I did. I just have to wait until they submit the police report and then I would receive a letter with the first appointment in the court. And by the way, I had to pay cash so they didn’t see trough my lie.

I sat in the chair next to her bed. The room was cold and the white blanket covered her body. Agnes hands were on top of the blanket and she didn’t have a serum. I reached for her left hand and it was cold, so I put both my hands in her trying to warm it up for a few seconds until I noticed something falling in her arm. Seeing a small drop of water… A tear? I touched my face with my right hand and my cheek was wet.

For the first time in six years, I’m crying again. I needed to be strong but this time I just couldn’t. Why did I have to go through this again? What have I done to disserve this?! I can’t bare this… All this pain all over again, but I can say I’m grateful that Agnes didn’t abort the baby. I just couldn't take it for the second time… I allowed myself to cry freely, but silently. If Agnes wakes up I don’t want her to see me like this, so I let go of her hand and rested my head against the blanket, covering my face with my left hand and the other I put it in my head holding my hair in frustration.

Few minutes have passed and I was still crying like a baby. I felt like an idiot for crying like this. I’m a man, men don’t cry. I can’t show any weakness, not now…
Lost in my thoughts I didn’t feel her move in the bed until her hand was holding the one I had in my head.

“I’m so sorry Dante… I-I didn’t mean to kill our baby… I didn’t intend to…” She said sobbing between every sentence. “This is entirely my fault! I can’t believe I’m such a cruel human being…” I felt her hand move also with her body to the other side of the bed. “I would be better off dead…” Agnes was trying to hold her tears, but it was in vain. I look up and she was cradle like a ball in the bed not facing me. I felt bad because she believes the baby is dead, Agnes must be stressed and that’s bad for the baby, so I dried my tears and compose myself before I called her.

“Agnes…”

“You should be mad at me right now… I don’t even understand why you are here…” She said whipping her tears.

“There’s no reason for me to be mad at you.” Agnes turns her head and faced me.

“Are you insane?!” She sat on the bed as more tears fell from her eyes. “I killed our baby! An innocent creature that wasn’t at fault of the mistakes I made! I hate myself! How could you not, huh?” Agnes covered her face with her hands and I sat in the bed with her. She tried to avoid
me but I hold her strongly keeping her head in my chest as I lay down with her on the bed.

“You didn’t kill the baby.” I told her caressing her back.

“But I pay them to kill him or her… Now I won’t even know if my first baby was a boy or a girl…” She started crying uncontrollable holding my shirt to tight wrinkling it.

“We still have a chance.” I told her and her sobbing stopped as she looked at me.

“What are you implying?” She asked tears falling from her eyes. With my thumb I remove them from her face and smiled.

“Our baby is still alive. I arrived to the abortion clinic in time to stop them.” I put my hand in her forehead, her bangs poking my hand and she was a bit feverish.

“But… Why were you crying then?” I was taken aback; I thought I was crying silently.

“I- I wasn’t crying.” I lie as I took my hand from her forehead.

“You are lying.” Her soft blue eyes, more like a combination between gray and green depending on the light, were bore into my blue ones. “Your eyes are red.” And she rested her head in my chest after saying that.

“I-”

“You don’t have to force yourself to admit it. Marcus is like that too, he didn’t even cry when his mother died… He said men don’t cry, which is a total lie because everyone deserves to cry when they are in pain or happy, but never mind. I will pretend I didn’t see or heard anything just like when Marcus started crying in the middle of the night, but I choose to respect his decision of not crying in front of anybody.” Agnes was right and I felt sorry for Marcus, he had to endure all that pain alone just like I had to suffer losing my first child… I just didn’t like Marcus and Agnes relationship.

“What are you to him?” I asked.

“What?” She looked confused.

“Your relationship with Marcus.” Agnes sat on the bed and I followed her movements.

“We are just friends.” She simply said, but Agnes looked nervous. I looked at her in front of me and she seemed puzzled. “All right, I sometimes sleep in his house, but that is when I’m really exhausted to go to my place after work…” There was something she wasn’t telling me and I looked straight into her eyes without breaking eye contact. “Marcus and I… We kind of dated.” She was playing with her hands nervously looking down to them and I couldn’t hold my anger.

“I knew it!” I got up from the bed. What if she had something more serious with him? But she was a virgin when we had sex, she couldn’t possible had gone that far with him. I started pacing back and forth in the room thinking.

“It was a long time ago! We didn’t do anything! He’s just my friend now, don’t be mad…” I looked at her and she tried to get up from bed, but I stop her.

“Don’t overdo it; you might hurt yourself and the baby.” I told her and she sighted sitting on the bed with another blue robe from the hospital.

“When we kissed, it felt like we were kissing a family member and so we decided to part ways and stayed as friends… I didn’t felt anything for him, just love as friends, nothing more…” She was holding my hand and we stayed like that for a few minutes.

“Move in with me.”