Waters of Disillusion
Weepy watery blue flowers.
Sunday morning Church is excruciating sometimes. Today I can't help but wonder if Pastor Willie chose the "drinking and premarital sex is a sin" sermon on purpose. Shoot, mama tells me I'm living in sin all the time, I don't need to hear it at Church. The whole time, Tyler would try catching my eye and when he did, he'd wink and I'd blush. At one point he mouthed something that seemed like 'I've got to talk to you.' It was either that or 'Ivan Tootsie blue.' I'm pretty sure it was the first one.
"Nicolette Leigh," ma says as we're walking to the car. "What're you doin' today?" This isn't a question. She should have just said "you know you're not doin' anythin' because I need you an' I am your mother hear me roar." Maybe not the "roar" part, you but understand.
And there goes any plans with Tyler. I sigh. "Nothin', I guess. Why?" I help strap my sisters into their car seats and ma starts the engine. Dickface is lucky. He never has to come with us because he's the man of the house and does whatever he wants. His own words, I swear.
"Teddy ain't doin' too well," she tells me. Teddy's like, eighty, and has some kind of cancer. Dory, his wife, has this vegetable garden and when we were younger she'd always let us pick the strawberries and eat them right there. I think that's how Tyler got so obsessed with them. They were sweeter than sin. "Their granddaughter's comin' up to help. She's gonna be here a while, she might need a job." She doesn't say anything after that because she knows that I know what she means. I sigh again.
"An' I need to find her a job? Ah, ma!" I whine. "What if she's like, a bitch?"
"Who a bitch?" Ruby asks from behind. I giggle a little bit.
After ma slaps my arm she looks at Ruby in the rear view mirror. "Ruby, don't ever say that word again. Ya hear me?"
"Okay, momma," Ruby's gaze is downfallen. Ma continues on, but her face softens.
"I really am sorry for this, Nic. But you know how much they've done for us." This is true. When ma was having both Ruby and Sapphire, Dory and Teddy kept me entertained at their house. And even in the pre-Dickface age but after my father, when she saw some men who weren't too nice to her, Dory would sit ma down for some tea and make her see why she needed to stop seeing them. Shoot, even if ma's parents were still alive and I knew my daddy's parents, I still would wish Dory and Teddy were my grandparents.
"Yes, ma'am," I murmur.
Later, when ma and I walked into their trailer- because really, we haven't knocked since I was born- I realized some information must have gotten lost in translation or something. I had this image in my mind of a thirty year old beach blonde bitch who thought she was too good for Hicksville to take care of her own dying granddaddy.
The first thing that entered my mind was ho-lee dreadlocks. And then I thought, thank God. Boys can't be bitches, can they?
"Nicolette Leigh," ma says as we're walking to the car. "What're you doin' today?" This isn't a question. She should have just said "you know you're not doin' anythin' because I need you an' I am your mother hear me roar." Maybe not the "roar" part, you but understand.
And there goes any plans with Tyler. I sigh. "Nothin', I guess. Why?" I help strap my sisters into their car seats and ma starts the engine. Dickface is lucky. He never has to come with us because he's the man of the house and does whatever he wants. His own words, I swear.
"Teddy ain't doin' too well," she tells me. Teddy's like, eighty, and has some kind of cancer. Dory, his wife, has this vegetable garden and when we were younger she'd always let us pick the strawberries and eat them right there. I think that's how Tyler got so obsessed with them. They were sweeter than sin. "Their granddaughter's comin' up to help. She's gonna be here a while, she might need a job." She doesn't say anything after that because she knows that I know what she means. I sigh again.
"An' I need to find her a job? Ah, ma!" I whine. "What if she's like, a bitch?"
"Who a bitch?" Ruby asks from behind. I giggle a little bit.
After ma slaps my arm she looks at Ruby in the rear view mirror. "Ruby, don't ever say that word again. Ya hear me?"
"Okay, momma," Ruby's gaze is downfallen. Ma continues on, but her face softens.
"I really am sorry for this, Nic. But you know how much they've done for us." This is true. When ma was having both Ruby and Sapphire, Dory and Teddy kept me entertained at their house. And even in the pre-Dickface age but after my father, when she saw some men who weren't too nice to her, Dory would sit ma down for some tea and make her see why she needed to stop seeing them. Shoot, even if ma's parents were still alive and I knew my daddy's parents, I still would wish Dory and Teddy were my grandparents.
"Yes, ma'am," I murmur.
Later, when ma and I walked into their trailer- because really, we haven't knocked since I was born- I realized some information must have gotten lost in translation or something. I had this image in my mind of a thirty year old beach blonde bitch who thought she was too good for Hicksville to take care of her own dying granddaddy.
The first thing that entered my mind was ho-lee dreadlocks. And then I thought, thank God. Boys can't be bitches, can they?
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america you're great but my heart belongs in SPAIN~that rhymed in my head. ah, well.
thank you all, my darlings !