Status: Not Yet.
Getting It Straight
Feeling, right.
I sat at the small rectangular table.
For a big house, they sure have small furniture. Not that I could comment on much, I lived in a rat hole with a hag for most of my life.
"So, what's your name?" Jude's mom asked.
I didn't know what to really do, I never socialized well with adults... or my peers for that matter.
With my silence intact, Jude took the "honor" to reply for me.
"Kristyn. Her name is Kristyn Carver." Jude replied.
"Oh, are you Jonathan Carver's daughter?" His dad asked.
I dropped the fork I was playing with to avoid eye contact and it clanked on the plate. That feeling came back up my throat again. That feeling of guilt and shame.
"Dad. Let's not talk about that." Jude said getting the situation in a sense. I looked at him.
"No." I spoke, "Yes. My father was Jonathan. Did you know him?" I asked.
"Yes, we were on baseball together at Conary High School." His dad replied then took a bite of his food.
"Well, did you know he died?" I asked.
Jude's dad started coughing and choking on his food.
"Yes, we heard the sad news dear." His mom replied.
"I'm not a deer. Do I look like an animal?" I asked offensively.
She went quiet.
The whole table stayed silent.
"You don't have to act that way." Jude said out of the silence, "My mom was just being nice towards you."
I looked at him and then looked down at the food. Something inside me was hurting and in pain, and it was not the the pain of criticism and physical violence. I felt regretful, and to be honest, it was worse.
I stayed silent throughout the whole dinner. They did too.
The silence bothered me. There was never silence at my grandma's house. She always had something to say.
About how ungrateful I was.
How my parents were useless beings.
How I was a mistake that should never have happened.
You would think those sayings would hurt but the thing was, it didn't hurt anymore.
~
I sat on the bed and just waited.
Mrs. Clare, or what Jude insisted me to call her, Daisy.
"Here you go... um, Kristyn." She said and placed her clothes down on the bed.
She gave me a kind smile and started her way to the door.
"Wait." I said. It was a last minute thing...
She turned around. "Yes?"
"Um..." I was hesitant. "Thanks." I said and looked down at the clothes.
"Oh, you're welcome dea- .... I mean Kristyn." She said kindly. I felt touched.
"It's okay, you can call me Dear if you want." I said to her.
"Okay, sure. That would be nice, dear." She said with a more happy smile.
"Okay." I said, she stood there still looking at me. It was as if she was admiring me.
"Bye." I said. She snapped back into reality and nodded.
"Yes. Okay, have a good rest." she said and left.
I laid myself down on the bed and sighed.
"Never have I ever…"
~
"Hey, are you awake?"
I opened my eyes.
"Who is it?" I asked.
"Jude." He replied, "It's time for school."
"Already?" I asked.
"Yea. I'm taking you so come on." he said.
I groaned and got up.
"Fine." I said and I heard him walk away.
It's been two days since everything.
Two days since I've been staying here. All I've been doing was resting and applying medicine on the bruises so they wouldn't show when school started.
"Are you ready?" He asked when I arrived down the stairs.
I looked at him.
"Yea."
For a big house, they sure have small furniture. Not that I could comment on much, I lived in a rat hole with a hag for most of my life.
"So, what's your name?" Jude's mom asked.
I didn't know what to really do, I never socialized well with adults... or my peers for that matter.
With my silence intact, Jude took the "honor" to reply for me.
"Kristyn. Her name is Kristyn Carver." Jude replied.
"Oh, are you Jonathan Carver's daughter?" His dad asked.
I dropped the fork I was playing with to avoid eye contact and it clanked on the plate. That feeling came back up my throat again. That feeling of guilt and shame.
"Dad. Let's not talk about that." Jude said getting the situation in a sense. I looked at him.
"No." I spoke, "Yes. My father was Jonathan. Did you know him?" I asked.
"Yes, we were on baseball together at Conary High School." His dad replied then took a bite of his food.
"Well, did you know he died?" I asked.
Jude's dad started coughing and choking on his food.
"Yes, we heard the sad news dear." His mom replied.
"I'm not a deer. Do I look like an animal?" I asked offensively.
She went quiet.
The whole table stayed silent.
"You don't have to act that way." Jude said out of the silence, "My mom was just being nice towards you."
I looked at him and then looked down at the food. Something inside me was hurting and in pain, and it was not the the pain of criticism and physical violence. I felt regretful, and to be honest, it was worse.
I stayed silent throughout the whole dinner. They did too.
The silence bothered me. There was never silence at my grandma's house. She always had something to say.
About how ungrateful I was.
How my parents were useless beings.
How I was a mistake that should never have happened.
You would think those sayings would hurt but the thing was, it didn't hurt anymore.
~
I sat on the bed and just waited.
Mrs. Clare, or what Jude insisted me to call her, Daisy.
"Here you go... um, Kristyn." She said and placed her clothes down on the bed.
She gave me a kind smile and started her way to the door.
"Wait." I said. It was a last minute thing...
She turned around. "Yes?"
"Um..." I was hesitant. "Thanks." I said and looked down at the clothes.
"Oh, you're welcome dea- .... I mean Kristyn." She said kindly. I felt touched.
"It's okay, you can call me Dear if you want." I said to her.
"Okay, sure. That would be nice, dear." She said with a more happy smile.
"Okay." I said, she stood there still looking at me. It was as if she was admiring me.
"Bye." I said. She snapped back into reality and nodded.
"Yes. Okay, have a good rest." she said and left.
I laid myself down on the bed and sighed.
"Never have I ever…"
~
"Hey, are you awake?"
I opened my eyes.
"Who is it?" I asked.
"Jude." He replied, "It's time for school."
"Already?" I asked.
"Yea. I'm taking you so come on." he said.
I groaned and got up.
"Fine." I said and I heard him walk away.
It's been two days since everything.
Two days since I've been staying here. All I've been doing was resting and applying medicine on the bruises so they wouldn't show when school started.
"Are you ready?" He asked when I arrived down the stairs.
I looked at him.
"Yea."