Jaws On The Floor

I was woken by the sounds of coarse swearing outside my door.

“Mother fucking…” I looked at my alarm clock and swore some more. 3:00 Am. It’s probably some stupid drunks falling over each other. I rolled over and pulled the duvet over my head, trying to unsuccessfully block out the sound. After a minute or so it stopped, and I poked my head out of the covers. I listened closely with bated breath, and heard a knock on the door. And then a second one. And then some more swearing. I quietly climbed out of my bed, expertly put a bra on under my oversized shirt, then pulled on a jumper, some trackies and ugg boots. I creeped out of my room and grabbed a baseball bat from a cupboard in the hall, you can’t be too careful, right? These could be rapists, you never know. I was closer to the door now, and heard another knock, and a… English accent?

“If they don’t answer the fucking door now, we’re going to the next house.”

“Josh, you were to one driving the fucking car!”

“Shut up, Dan.” Someone rapped harder on the door.

“Hello! Is anyone home?”

I took a big breath and reached towards the handle, gripping the bat tightly. This is it, I guess. Answering the swearing English guys at 3 in the morning. I turned the knob and opened it, peering through the crack. I saw 5 guys staring at me with amusement (except for a guy with long hair, he was smiling) they looked about my age, so around 20? Yeah, they were pretty attractive too. Score 1 for Amanda.

The guy closest to me –with an awful undercut, might I add – did a little half-wave to catch my attention. “Hey love, our car just broke down…” I looked at him quizzically.

“Okay, 1. Are you just saying this to lure me into rape, and 2, What do you want me to do about it?” They laughed at that. Oh ho ho! So the hot English rapists though I was funny now, did they?

“Josh, shut up.” The hedgehog guy pushed ‘Josh’ away and faced me. He was pretty cute. “Okay so we were at a club in the city, and we got a little bit tipsy so Josh started driving us back, and our car broke down. All our phones have either died, been dunked in water or lost, and we really need to get back to our hotel, pretty much. Can we use your phone?” I squinted at them suspiciously.

“Are you sure you aren’t going to try rape me?” They all nodded, and I swear a few of them checked me out. Really? When I’m in my pyjamas? Thanks. “Whatever, you can stay the night even, if you guys are a little drunk you shouldn’t be driving anyways.” ‘Josh’ and the hedgehog guy high fived.

“Thanks, love! You’re a beaut.” I shrugged.

“I try my best. Besides, who turns down attractive British guys on their doorstep?” I winked. Yes, I am a flirt. But they were hot, so shoot me.

The guys walked in and awkwardly stood in the hall. I shook my head and walked past them, “Come into the living room, that’s where you’ll be sleeping.” They shuffled into the living room and sat down, a little more at ease. I grabbed some beers, sat them on the table in front of the guys and slumped on the couch, getting up again hastily when I realised I wasn’t exactly dressed appropriately, the bra I’d put on being a push a bra, and still wearing my sleep singlet. “I’ll uh… get changed.” I ran down to my bedroom out of their sight and rummaged through my drawers, trying to find a good shirt. I settled on some random one with a cat on it. I was halfway through taking off my shirt when I heard the door open. I pulled it the rest of the way off so I could see who it was, and saw one of the guys staring at my tits. He was pretty muscly, had short brown hair and was probably more drunk than the others. Judging by how spaced out on my boobs he was.

“You alright mate?” I waved a hand in front of his face and he blinked a few times.

“Sorry, I was looking for the bathroom…” I laughed.

“You’re so stoned, down a bit more and on the right. Put the lid down.” He walked out the door and I changed my bra and shirt. So, now I have 5 kinda drunk, attractive, English guys staying the night, and I just offered them beers. This should be fun.


Once changed, I walked back into the lounge and saw the guys sprawled over the couch and chairs, chatting easily. I grabbed myself a beer and sat on the floor in front of them. “So, names?” One of them who looked slightly Asian started.

“Well, I’m Matt,” He pointed to ‘Josh’ “That’s Josh,” He pointed to hedgehog man “That’s Max,” Max gave a little wave. He pointed to the guy with the really long hair who was seriously quiet, “And that’s Chris.” Chris gave me a little smile, he was really adorable. The guy who walked in on me getting changed walked in the room at that point.

“Hi, I’m Dan.”

“Hey Dan.”

“Hi.”

I took another drink from my can of beer. “So what are you poms doing in a shitty place like Brisbane?” There was a collective chuckle, and Josh started speaking.

“Uh, well we’re all in a band, and we’re just touring around Australia right now, basically. It’s the day before tour, and we just wanted to get a bit drunk. “

“Sounds interesting! What kinda genre thing are you guys?”

Dan answered this one, “Erm, pop-punk, punk-rock, rock. It’s under a lot of genres, but that kind of stuff.” The alcohol was starting to go to my head, and reckless thoughts flooded into my head. I stood on the table in the middle of the room and raised my beer.

“Well, blokes, fellas, mates and poms, I would like to propose a toast. To being woken up at 3, letting strangers into your house, getting drunk with them, and doing stuff we’ll regret in the morning!” The guys gave a big cheer and downed the rest of their drinks. I don’t know how they do it; it must be a British thing.

I plugged my iPhone into the amp dock and started blasting some blink.

Here’s to a night I may never forget.