Status: finished.
Slightly Bruised and Broken From Our Head on Collision
I Know I'll Never Die Alone Because Of All Of You
Art, I love it. Honestly if I had the choice I would just draw all day, with the only breaks being to sleep, go to the toilet and play my guitar. I also love it because it’s one of two lessons I have with Jack, this and Music. And he sits next to me in both. Protective. But Art is starting and I already have my idea for today’s lesson it involves owls and leaves and autumn which kind of sums up natural form pretty well. Jack just looks confused and says
“Do guitars count?”
To which the teacher laughs and tells him that no, guitars don’t count and that if he draws a penis again he will have to summit it in to some kind of head teacher or authority figure for marking. When Jack looks completely unbothered about this fact the teacher just laughs to himself and wanders off to do whatever he does when we are drawing.
“What the actual hell am I suppose to draw?” Jack says sounding kind of pissed off for someone who insists that he only took Art because then he could drop his language. Little liar.
“Who wants to learn how to talk about how to get to San Francisco in French?” is what he said.
But yet he still seems angry, so I say
“You know he did say you could use the laptops and do the Photoshop thing about the seven sins?”
He mumbles something to himself and goes to get a laptop, and I smile to myself. It is honestly like looking after a toddler. When he comes back he still seems kind of grumpy so when I ask him what’s wrong I’m surprised when he actually tells me and says,
“I’m scared someone’s going to steal you away from me, I’m scared that Alex’s depression is getting worse, I’m annoyed at myself because I’m not handling any of this the right way and I’m angry because my mind isn’t working properly and it’s pissing me off.”
I look at him shocked that he had that bottled up, he sighs and said
“And now I’m annoyed that I let slip that Alex has depression because I feel like I shouldn’t be telling you about it without his permission.”
I grab his hand that is tapping the table and link our fingers and say
“if it helps no-one can take me away from you, honestly I don’t mind about Alex’s depression it’s not going to change the fact that he’s a lovely person and to me he’ll always be that, a lovely person and we are going to help him through it, and to be honest with you Jack I don’t think there is a right way to deal with it, it sounds like a pretty shit thing to be going through when you have no idea what you’re doing. And I think you’re doing a pretty awesome job considering you’re a 16 year old boy with GSCE’s ahead of you, an annoying ass girlfriend who bosses you around like I’m your mum and no idea what you’re supposed to do.”
He smiles and squeezes my hand and I know I said the right thing. Depression? I don’t think it changes anything; Alex is still the lovely guy I met this morning with the sweet eyes and a nose in a book. He’s still the modest guy, who won’t admit he’s amazing at singing or guitar, and he’s still the guy that would give the world up for his best friends and I think honestly, nothing would change that. I go back to drawing and hopes to God that Jack will let me help him out with Alex, because trust me I’ve been there.
The fact I’m new here and that I don’t like talking to new people is probably the reason I normally spend most of my lunch times in the library, but when I tell Jack this he looks at me like I’m a complete alien.
“No, seriously? Come hang round with us again. Alex is dying to talk to you; I don’t think he can get over the fact you like blink 182.”
I laugh, because honestly even if the boys had two heads each I’d still love to come and talk to them just to please Jack. We walk with our hands linked and we talk about Art and what we are doing in our Music lessons and I explain how I’m doing a cover of Wheatus and he says he doing his own song called Coffee Shop Soundtrack and I make him promise me to play it to me before he plays in front of the class. He never gets the chance.
We get to the picnic table and I slide in next Alex and he looks up from his book and smiles. He folds the page; he must want to talk to me. And we talk about music and when I tell him again what I’m doing in my music class he asks if he can double with me because he hates performing alone. I agree and look at Jack to make sure he isn’t going to murder for saying something wrong, but he just smiles so I’m guessing I said the right thing. To be honest I thought Alex was writing his own shit for Music. Apparently not. Ha like I care my marks going to go up by at least 10 marks. Zack rolls his eyes and I realise I’ve been zoning out for the past couple of minutes, so I ask him what he said.
“I said, you better not make Alex sings the whole thing because he’ll seem fine then half way through he’ll go pale and run off..”
He grins and Alex blushes and protests.
“Dude that was one time and I realised that Kyle was in the audience and well yeah... that’s the only reason why I ran off in the first place.”
Zack shakes his head, Jack looks sort of angry at Zack and I ask who Kyle is, everyone in the group turns to stare at me as if I said some kind of forbidden curse word or something
.
“What, was it something I said?” I almost whisper in fear of what’s going to happen. Alex smiles wistfully and says.
“Kyle’s my ex boyfriend. He abused me and we split up twice before he left me alone.” I must have looked shocked because Alex almost giggles and says
“Look at my hair; you honestly thought I was straight?” Jack punched his shoulder and when the group starts laughing so do I, because honestly it’s been a while since I’ve felt this accepted. We carry on talking and honestly I forget Alex is bisexual and abused and depressed because he’s Alex and I think if he lets things get on top of him he’d be a gibbering wreck. But he’s not and although I’ve only known him for less than a week I already feels proud of him for raising above all the stuff determined to bring him down. And as I sat there I was honestly shitting myself about Music next, because really 30 minutes to sort out who’s singing what and figuring who’s doing what guitar parts? That’s madness.
“Do guitars count?”
To which the teacher laughs and tells him that no, guitars don’t count and that if he draws a penis again he will have to summit it in to some kind of head teacher or authority figure for marking. When Jack looks completely unbothered about this fact the teacher just laughs to himself and wanders off to do whatever he does when we are drawing.
“What the actual hell am I suppose to draw?” Jack says sounding kind of pissed off for someone who insists that he only took Art because then he could drop his language. Little liar.
“Who wants to learn how to talk about how to get to San Francisco in French?” is what he said.
But yet he still seems angry, so I say
“You know he did say you could use the laptops and do the Photoshop thing about the seven sins?”
He mumbles something to himself and goes to get a laptop, and I smile to myself. It is honestly like looking after a toddler. When he comes back he still seems kind of grumpy so when I ask him what’s wrong I’m surprised when he actually tells me and says,
“I’m scared someone’s going to steal you away from me, I’m scared that Alex’s depression is getting worse, I’m annoyed at myself because I’m not handling any of this the right way and I’m angry because my mind isn’t working properly and it’s pissing me off.”
I look at him shocked that he had that bottled up, he sighs and said
“And now I’m annoyed that I let slip that Alex has depression because I feel like I shouldn’t be telling you about it without his permission.”
I grab his hand that is tapping the table and link our fingers and say
“if it helps no-one can take me away from you, honestly I don’t mind about Alex’s depression it’s not going to change the fact that he’s a lovely person and to me he’ll always be that, a lovely person and we are going to help him through it, and to be honest with you Jack I don’t think there is a right way to deal with it, it sounds like a pretty shit thing to be going through when you have no idea what you’re doing. And I think you’re doing a pretty awesome job considering you’re a 16 year old boy with GSCE’s ahead of you, an annoying ass girlfriend who bosses you around like I’m your mum and no idea what you’re supposed to do.”
He smiles and squeezes my hand and I know I said the right thing. Depression? I don’t think it changes anything; Alex is still the lovely guy I met this morning with the sweet eyes and a nose in a book. He’s still the modest guy, who won’t admit he’s amazing at singing or guitar, and he’s still the guy that would give the world up for his best friends and I think honestly, nothing would change that. I go back to drawing and hopes to God that Jack will let me help him out with Alex, because trust me I’ve been there.
The fact I’m new here and that I don’t like talking to new people is probably the reason I normally spend most of my lunch times in the library, but when I tell Jack this he looks at me like I’m a complete alien.
“No, seriously? Come hang round with us again. Alex is dying to talk to you; I don’t think he can get over the fact you like blink 182.”
I laugh, because honestly even if the boys had two heads each I’d still love to come and talk to them just to please Jack. We walk with our hands linked and we talk about Art and what we are doing in our Music lessons and I explain how I’m doing a cover of Wheatus and he says he doing his own song called Coffee Shop Soundtrack and I make him promise me to play it to me before he plays in front of the class. He never gets the chance.
We get to the picnic table and I slide in next Alex and he looks up from his book and smiles. He folds the page; he must want to talk to me. And we talk about music and when I tell him again what I’m doing in my music class he asks if he can double with me because he hates performing alone. I agree and look at Jack to make sure he isn’t going to murder for saying something wrong, but he just smiles so I’m guessing I said the right thing. To be honest I thought Alex was writing his own shit for Music. Apparently not. Ha like I care my marks going to go up by at least 10 marks. Zack rolls his eyes and I realise I’ve been zoning out for the past couple of minutes, so I ask him what he said.
“I said, you better not make Alex sings the whole thing because he’ll seem fine then half way through he’ll go pale and run off..”
He grins and Alex blushes and protests.
“Dude that was one time and I realised that Kyle was in the audience and well yeah... that’s the only reason why I ran off in the first place.”
Zack shakes his head, Jack looks sort of angry at Zack and I ask who Kyle is, everyone in the group turns to stare at me as if I said some kind of forbidden curse word or something
.
“What, was it something I said?” I almost whisper in fear of what’s going to happen. Alex smiles wistfully and says.
“Kyle’s my ex boyfriend. He abused me and we split up twice before he left me alone.” I must have looked shocked because Alex almost giggles and says
“Look at my hair; you honestly thought I was straight?” Jack punched his shoulder and when the group starts laughing so do I, because honestly it’s been a while since I’ve felt this accepted. We carry on talking and honestly I forget Alex is bisexual and abused and depressed because he’s Alex and I think if he lets things get on top of him he’d be a gibbering wreck. But he’s not and although I’ve only known him for less than a week I already feels proud of him for raising above all the stuff determined to bring him down. And as I sat there I was honestly shitting myself about Music next, because really 30 minutes to sort out who’s singing what and figuring who’s doing what guitar parts? That’s madness.
♠ ♠ ♠
Okay it's not really Jalex yet but I'm making it so somewhen further down the line :)Also thank you for reading, and for being awesome.
and also this is at 7:10 and i should be getting ready for school
:)<3