Ruin Everything

I couldn’t tell Alex about what Becca had said, because it was about him. How do you look your brother’s best friend in the eyes and tell him that Becca wanted to rip his clothes off and screw him? That I hated that she might get to and I never will? I can’t see that going down too well.

I pulled myself up out of bed later that night, Alex still fast asleep. I headed down to his kitchen and picked up his cordless phone, dialing my own phone number. Jack answered on the second ring.

“Cass?” he asked, his voice jumpy and nervous.

“Hey Jack, liste-” I started, drumming my fingertips against the countertop.

“Where are you?”

“Alex’s. Becca and I got into this fight and I needed to vent to someone, and Alex was the closest. I didn’t mean to worry you, Jack.”

“Well, you did!”

“Is Momma Kitty there?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“Can I talk to her?”

He grumbled but after a loud rustling and a short, muffled conversation, Joyce Barakat joined me on the phone.

“Cassara Adalae Jankowski, what were you thinking? Jack and I have been calling your cell phone for an hour and a half! Where have you been?”

“I’m sorry, Momma. I was with Alex. We fell asleep.”

“You fell asl- Cassara, do you realize how that sounds? I’m responsible for you and you’re off falling asleep with boys that are older than you?”

“Momma, do you think Alex would do anything to me?”

“No.”

“Then quit worrying. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

“CASSARA!” she snapped. I sighed.

“Sorry. I forget sometimes,” I replied apologetically.

“Call me next time you’re not where you said you’d be,” she said tiredly. “Are you staying at Alex’s tonight?”

“Yeah, if that’s okay.”

“It’s fine. Call me in the morning.”

“Momma?”

“Yes, Cassara?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you. It’s been 4 years and I’m still not used to someone caring.”

“I know, sweetheart.”

“Love you.”

“I love you too. I’ll see you soon.”

I hung up and stared at the kitchen counter, tracing the swirling designs of imitation marble. I remember the first time I forgot to call and check in with Momma Kitty. I had never had to answer to anyone. I hadn’t had to call home before and let Mom know I was alive. She didn’t really care. Sure, I was her daughter but she never cared if I came home every night. I was less of her charge and more of an inconvenient roommate. I had gone out for a walk and had gotten lost. Luckily, I found my way to my teammate’s house and she’d let me stay there for the night. Her mom drove me home and I thought everything was fine. Momma Kitty however had a different outlook on things. In fact, I was grounded for three months and wasn’t allowed to go anywhere without someone with me. She had broken down crying, hugging me and petting my hair. I was so freaked out that I, being a Jankowski, snuck out of the house as soon as Jack and May had pried her off of me. That got me into even worse trouble.

Eventually, Momma got used to my wandering off and yes, she still freaked. She was slowly growing into letting me be and knowing I’ll come home when I’m done.

Arms encircled my waist and tugged me back into a firm chest.

“Hello,” Alex muttered sleepily, kissing the top of my head.

“Momma Kitty was pissed,” I stated.

“That’s okay though. She just wants to know you’re okay.”

I leaned into him and let out a heavy sigh.

“I feel like I need to sleep for the rest of eternity.”

“Oh?” he chuckled.

“Do you mind?”

“As long as you’re sleeping with me,” he said, the signature cheeky tone returning just like that to his sleepy voice.

“Oh, you know it, baby,” I replied, turning in his arms so we were chest to chest. He stared down at me, licking his lower lip slowly. Self-consciously, I stepped backwards and broke free from his grip.

“Pebbles,” he started, his voice changing again, when his mother walked in and stopped upon seeing us. Alex stepped further away from me, too far. I watched as he bounced off the counter behind him.

“Cassara, I didn’t know you were here. Are you staying for dinner?”

I nodded, “Yes, ma’am.”

“Are you also staying the night?”

I smiled and nodded again. “Yes, ma’am.”

“Should I even bother making up the guest room?”

“Probably not.”

She nodded and turned towards Alex.

“Alexander, if you even think about doing anything with her in my house, you will be locked away in the basement until you’re too old to have kids. Do you understand me?”

Momma Gaskarth didn’t mess around.

“Yes, mother.”

“Good. I’ll call you down when dinner is ready.”

Alex and I trudged upstairs to his room. I lay back down on his bed and watched as he sank into the chair in the corner.

“So, Becca said everyone wants sex. How’d that even come up?” he asked. I was so startled by the question that the only sound that came out of my mouth was a strangle cough. He stared, eyebrows raised as I tried to figure out something say.

“How did you even remember that?”

“I dunno. It peaked my interest,” he replied with a casual shrug. Of course it would’ve.

“You are remarkable, Alexander William,” I chuckled and lay back, trying to forget this conversation. He wasn’t having any of that. He got up, crossed the room and joined me on the bed. He pushed his nose into mine, causing me to giggle and push him away.

“Seriously though. I mean, it’s Becca. But that’s not a normal conversation generally.”

“How do you know? I could talk about it all the time!”

“You’re a virgin,” he reminded me. I narrowed my eyes at him.

“So?”

“I’m just saying.”

“You don’t know! I could just be a very turned on virgin and, and, I am no longer comfortable with this conversation!”

He laughed and poked me in the sides, causing me to squeal loudly. He grinned, the idea flickering devilishly in his gorgeous eyes.

“No! No!” I yelled as he moved on top of me, straddling my waist and started tickling my stomach and sides. I kicked my feet out and squirmed underneath him, laughing ridiculously loud.

“Mercy!” I finally begged and his evil fingers stopped. His hands rested against my ribcage, each finger setting a fire that spread quickly along my skin while he stared down at me. I was the one that licked my lips this time, watching him. His hair was mussed from sleep, and you could see the side he’d slept on was flat. His clothes were rumpled, from his dark screen-printed t-shirt all the way down to his skinny jeans. But despite that, Alex looked perfect. He always did.

That’s when it happened; when I was too busy thinking. He leaned over and captured my lips in a soft, gentle kiss that derailed my train of thought. My eyes immediately fluttered shut and my hands slid up his arms to rest of the nape of his neck. His hair was so soft and silky beneath my fingers. He deepened the kiss, easing me up into his arms so I was sitting in his lap. I pushed him into the wall and pushed my chest into his. It’d been awhile since any boy had kissed me. I was a little hungry for the attention.

His hands rested on my hips, holding me close. His tongue swept a wet trail across my lower lip, begging for entrance. I opened my mouth for him and our tongues tangled together immediately.

I’m not sure how much time passed. We were so wrapped up in each other, in this kiss that didn’t end except for breathing breaks, that time didn’t exist.

“ALEX! CASSARA! DINNER!” Momma Gaskarth yelled up the stairs, snapping Alex and I back to reality. We broke apart quickly, as if we’d been caught. I moved off his lap and stared at my own, at the bunched state of my skirt when Alex snuck a kiss, a soft peck on the lips before slipping off his bed. He padded over to the mirror on the back of his door and his eyes widened. Both of our lips were swollen and our faces flushed.

“We can’t go down to dinner like this,” he said.

“Well, if you didn’t attack me,” I replied nonchalantly. He turned and put his hands on his hips, pouting.

“You weren’t exactly protesting,” he shot back.

“Would you?”

“Alright, alright. Let’s not fight about this. I’ll admit it; I’m an animal who can’t keep his hormones in check. That doesn’t stop the fact that we look like we just had a crazy hot make out session.”

“That’s because we did just have a crazy hot make out session.”

He rolled his eyes.

“My mom will kill me!” he reminded me.

“I could go home. Fake an illness.”

“I don’t want you to though,” he whined, stamping his foot. I stood up and joined him in front of the mirror. We seriously did look like we’d just rolled out of bed after a rough quickie. It was frightening.

“It was nice knowing you,” I stated. He groaned.

“I don’t want to die today. Not after I finally plucked up the courage to do that.”

“What? Finally? What are you talking about, Alex?”

“You honestly didn’t see any of this coming? I thought you knew. I mean, I was pretty obvious about it.”

“Obvious?”

“You catch me staring at you all the time. I don’t know. I just thought you knew.”

I shook my head.

“No. I didn’t. But then again, I’m still not sure what we’re talking about.”

“I like you, Pebbles. I like you a lot. I mean, I can’t remember a time that I didn’t like you in some way. It’s just, when we got back from tour, it was like, you were finally something attainable, rather than some abstract idea.”

“Because two and a half months changes everything.”

“It’s crazy, I’m aware. It just seemed that, if I did nothing, I was going to lose you before I even had you. It just took being away from you to see that.”

I stared at him before I stepped up close to him and wrapped my arms tightly around his chest.

“Jack will kill us.”

“My mom will kill me before there’s even an us.”

I just rested there for a moment, Alex’s hands comforting on my upper back and his heart pounding beneath my ear.

“We’ll figure it out. I know we will. Trust me,” he said. And I did.