Lessons in Love and Life

Ryan never imagined that things would be this way. He was never prepared for these situations. It’s partly because there are just certain things people don’t tell you about being a teacher. And it’s partly because there just aren’t a lot of students like Brendon Urie. Scratch that, there is no one like Brendon.

Ryan is a teacher and an adult so he tries to handles these situations like one. But there is no instruction book for these types of things so Ryan just has to try his best. He tries to act professional when the time calls for it and also like a caring human being. Ryan always thought that teachers should take the time to get to know his students and be caring towards them. Somehow everything got mixed up along the way and Ryan didn’t think he knew what to do anymore, he was starting to wonder if he even knew himself all that well.

He could still remember the moment he first saw Brendon. Ryan was a new teacher and it was his first real day of work. He’d filled in as a substitute a few times after graduating school but this was his first time being hired as a full time teacher. He was a little nervous but mostly excited. He’d wanted to be a teacher since he was a kid.

At first Ryan didn’t even notice Brendon because the boy was practically covered in a pile of books and papers as he rummaged through his locker. When he finally found what he was looking for he shut the metal door with a bang and turned to head for class. He was in a hurry and accidentally bumped right into a bigger blond boy wearing a sports jacket. “S-sorry,” Brendon mumbled.

“Fuck you Fag! Watch where you’re going you stupid loser!” the bigger boy shoved Brendon abruptly and several other students laughed.

Ryan almost ran to help but then something surprising happened. Brendon gathered his belongings, climbed to his feet, and smiled. “Yeah I guess that was pretty stupid,” he admitted.

It turned out that Brendon was in Ryan’s class. He sat all the way in the back. Ryan taught the English lesson for the day and when class ended the students hurried away, eager to move on. Brendon was still busy stuffing his homework into his backpack and Ryan almost didn’t say anything to him. He didn’t want to over step his boundaries on his first day teaching or seem even more uncool than he already was. Also, he wasn’t even sure those boys were bullies of if that was just the way they interacted at this school. Still, the words the big boy had said seemed so cruel and the whole situation just seemed off. Ryan felt compelled to at least try saying something.

He approached Brendon and smiled. “Brendon Urie?” he asked.

The boy peered up at him through red framed glasses. “Yes Mr. Ross?”

“I’m just trying to get to know my students a little better. There’s so many of you.”

Brendon shrugged. “You’ll get used to it.”

“I hope my lesson wasn’t too boring,” Ryan trued to joke.

“It was okay.”

“So…umm…I saw you in the hallway earlier and I hope those boys weren’t bothering you.”

Brendon shook his head. “It’s fine.”

“Well, if someone bothers you or you have questions or you just need someone to talk to don’t be afraid to approach me. I promise I don’t bite,” Ryan grinned, trying to seem more friendly and less awkward.

Brendon smiled lightly in response. “Thanks.”
---

It wasn’t until a month or two later when Brendon finally did approach him. The bell had just rung to signify school’s end and he was busy grading papers. For a moment Brendon just stood in the doorway. “Hey…” he mumbled.

“Brendon, come in,” Ryan greeted him, pushing the stack of papers to the side for now. “What do you need? Are you having trouble in class?”

“A little bit,” Brendon nodded.

“Sit down and we’ll discuss the assignment,” Ryan moved to pull up a chair next to one of the student desks so he could explain the work up close. Brendon sat down at the desk and pulled out the assignment. “Do you enjoy reading or writing?”

Brendon shrugged. “Sometimes I write song lyrics but they’re not very good.”

“I’m sure they’re great. I actually write songs myself sometimes but let’s keep that a secret for now,” Ryan chuckles.

“Do you play any instruments? You look like you do.”

Ryan found that amusing but he did have to admit that he didn’t exactly look like the rest of the teachers when he dressed in all those fancy hats and scarves of his. Ryan knew he had always been a little different than most people but he didn’t consider that a bad thing and it seemed Brendon didn’t either. “I play guitar.”

“So do I!” Brendon exclaimed excitedly. “I play piano and stuff too.”

“Wow that’s awesome. You must be a really talented guy.”

“I sing sometimes too but I don’t think I’m that good so we’ll keep that a secret also.”

“Okay,” Ryan smiled.
---

Brendon started to stay after school more and more for tutoring. Ryan got to know his student better each time. He learned all kinds of interesting facts about Brendon and he enjoyed teaching him. Brendon was always optimistic and eager and energetic. Sometimes they just talked about music. Brendon even showed him some lyrics and skills on instruments in the music room. Ryan felt lucky to have such a great kid as a student.

Then things just started to go downhill without warning. Brendon stopped staying after school and his grades dropped. He looked tired and anxious when Ryan glanced over at him during class. Sometimes he’d see Brendon scribbling lyrics in a notebook and other times he’d see him falling asleep at his desk. Brendon now had a bunch of nervous habits like biting his nails, zipping and unzipping his sweater, squirming, chewing on his pencil, and picking at the skin around his fingernails. When Ryan saw him in the halls he’d witness Brendon hurrying around with his head down hiding under the hood of his sweatshirt.

Finally he approached Brendon about it. “Your grades have dropped,” he started. “I’m concerned. Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” Brendon muttered.

“You know you can talk to me. Is someone bothering you?”

“I have to go,” Brendon half ran out of the room.
---

A week later Ryan was grabbing an apple from the cafeteria for lunch and he saw Brendon having trouble. Brendon was attempting to navigate the crowd of students to find a place to sit when someone didn’t notice him and practically ran him over. The girl who bumped him managed to spill juice all over Brendon and she just laughed it off.

Ryan went to him then and said “Let’s get you cleaned up. You can have lunch with me in the class room if you want.”

Brendon nodded and followed him obediently like a lost puppy. “I’m so stupid,” he mumbled, frowning.

“No you’re not. You’re not stupid at all,” Ryan argued. “Don’t say that.”

“Okay.”

“Take that wet sweater off,” Ryan suggested. “It’s going to get all stained if you don’t.”

“I’ll get cold,” Brendon protested.

“You can use mine if you do. I’ll wear my jacket.”

Brendon hesitated, sighed loudly, then unzipped his sweater and slid it off. Ryan’s eyes widened slightly.

“You have bruises Brendon. Is someone hurting you?”

Brendon shook his head. “I’m fine.”

“It’s one of the other boys, isn’t it?”

“Please stop…don’t make me talk about it,” Brendon begged. He sounded so fragile and desperate and he was beginning to shake like a leaf so Ryan decided not to push it.

“Okay, let’s eat lunch,” Ryan said. He figured Brendon would talk to him when he was ready. He was worried but he didn’t want to scare Brendon away. It was best to just be there for him.
---

Brendon started asking to eat lunch in Ryan’s classroom more often. He said that the other kids didn’t like him but wouldn’t elaborate. Ryan sometimes let him listen to music while they ate but other times he tried to help him with his school work.

When Brendon said the other students didn’t like him that was a very true statement. It was difficult for Ryan to imagine people not liking Brendon but when he saw Brendon literally get shoved down a flight of stairs his heart practically stopped. He couldn’t believe it. How could people be so cruel? How could people be so cruel? How could they want to hurt Brendon so badly?

He rushed to help but Brendon ran away from him. School was letting out now but Ryan still managed to track Brendon down. He found him hiding in the closet of the music room, crying. “Go away!” Brendon demanded.

“Are you injured Brendon? Oh shit, you’re bleeding,” he tried to call closer to Brendon.

“I’m such a loser and they all hate me. No one likes me except you. They told me I should kill myself. I can’t take it anymore. I try to act like it doesn’t bother me but it does! I hate it so much,” Brendon told him, words all fast and panicked sounding.

“I’m so sorry that they did this to you but I want to help you. You don’t deserve that. They are the losers, not you. You’re an awesome guy and if people don’t see that then that’s their loss. You are smart and talented, funny and kind. High school is rough but you’re graduating soon and you’ll get through this. I know it’s hard to see that things will get better but they will. I wasn’t exactly popular in school either. I got teased a lot but now I have friends and the job of my dreams and I’m happy,” Ryan told him.

“Do you really mean all that?”

“Of course, it’s all true,” Ryan nodded.

Brendon suddenly moved forward and hugged him. It caught him off guard but when he didn’t protest the hug Brendon kissed him on the lips. Ryan was shocked.

“Brendon…” he didn’t know what to say.

Brendon sat back and started sobbing again. His breathing became fast and irregular. “I think I’m having an anxiety attack or something. I can’t breathe…Oh God.”

“Try to calm down,” Ryan instructed worriedly.

“I’m gonna’ throw up,” Brendon announced and ran past Ryan to the bathroom.

Ryan rubbed Brendon’s back comfortingly while he got sick. Then he dried Brendon’s tears, cleaned up his injuries, comforted and calmed him, and promised to help him with everything that he could.

The next day Brendon stayed after school to discuss everything with him. At some point during the conversation Ryan knew he had to say something about the kiss. “I know that it was a stressful situation but I think you’re confused. I’m your teacher and I care about you as a student. I don’t want anyone to have the wrong idea about us, okay?”

Brendon stared at him for a while then started to cry again. “I think I’m gay.”

“That’s okay.”

“No it’s not,” he shook his head. “I’m so fucked up! No wonder why everyone hates me.”

“You’re not fucked up,” Ryan assured.

“You don’t understand.”

“Yes I do. Listen to me, you can’t tell anyone this but I’m gay too. It’s difficult in high school but once you get past these rough times life gets so much better, I promise.”

“Really?” Brendon looked hopeful.

“Really,” Ryan nodded. “But seriously if you tell anyone I’ll be fired. I’m trusting you.”

“I won’t tell anyone. I’m good at keeping secrets. Besides, I don’t want you to get fired. I like you,” Brendon suddenly leaned up to close the minor height difference and kissed him.

Ryan gasped. “Brendon I told you to stop that! I’m your teacher!”

“But you like me, don’t you? All that nice stuff you said to me, were you lying?”

Ryan sighed. “Of course I like you and I wasn’t lying. Everything I said was true. You’re a good person and a good student. I’m your teacher and I care about you as your teacher. So you have to stop doing this. You’re confused and it’s inappropriate.”

Brendon wrapped his arms around him for a hug. Ryan wasn’t sure how to respond but decided a hug would be okay. He figured Brendon probably needed a hug and that wasn’t inappropriate. The hug went on for a long time.

Then Brendon was kissing him again, cornering him against the wall and leaning up on his toes. At first Ryan tried to push him away but then he gave in because Brendon wasn’t going to take no for an answer. It was wrong but it was obvious that Brendon needed him right now.
---

When Brendon didn’t show up the whole next week at school Ryan grew increasingly worried. The principal asked him to bring Brendon his homework. Brendon’s house was easy enough to find and when he knocked on the door Brendon answered. “Why are you here?” Brendon demanded.

“You haven’t been in school so the principal asked me to deliver your work. Are you sick? Is it because of me?” Ryan questioned.

“You shouldn’t be here. He’s going to get mad if he sees you.”

“Who? What’s that?” Ryan pointed. “That’s a fresh bruise. Is someone here hurting you?”

“Go away. Leave me alone,” Brendon begged. He started to close the door.

“Wait!” Ryan said. “Just take my cell phone number. If someone’s hurting you here you can come to me.”

Ryan scribbled down his number even though he knew he really shouldn’t. It was clear that someone was hurting Brendon though and Brendon had no one else to go to. He had to be there for him and maybe if at least Brendon could feel comfortable talking to him about it he could hopefully help it.

It wasn’t too long after that when Brendon called him. It was nighttime and Ryan wasn’t expecting the call. When he answered the phone he could hear the panic in Brendon’s tone. “I tried to run away and I think I’m lost now.”

“What do you see around you? I’m coming to get you,” Ryan grabbed his car keys and headed out into the dark.

Brendon didn’t say a word the whole way to Ryan’s apartment but once they got inside he collapsed on the couch and started crying.

“What happened” Ryan asked him.

“I think my mom’s dying. She’s really sick.”

“I’m sorry Brendon. That’s very sad.”

“My dad’s so angry all the time. He drinks so much and…” Brendon trailed off mid-sentence.

“Did he hit you? Is that where you got those bruises?”

Brendon covered his face with his hands and sobbed. He didn’t answer but Ryan was pretty sure he knew the truth now anyway. He sat down beside Brendon and hugged him.

“It’s going to be alright,” Ryan tried to comfort him.

“It’s not,” Brendon shook his head. “Nothing is alright. I hate my life.”

“Brendon, you are such a special person. I’m sorry that these bad things happen to you. It isn’t fair. But I promise you that you’ll make it through this. These hard times are going to pass.”

Brendon nodded and sniffled. “Can I stay here tonight?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Ryan frowned.

“Please…I don’t have anywhere to go,” Brendon sounded so desperate and Ryan just didn’t have it in him to send him back to a place where they were going to hurt him.

“Fine but just for tonight.”

Brendon immediately wrapped his arms around Ryan and kissed him. Ryan thought about pushing Brendon away but couldn’t do it. Brendon presses his body against Ryan’s and his tongue tries to sneak into his teacher’s mouth. At some point they find a bed. They make out some more then fall asleep together.

The next day after school Ryan knew he had to put a stop to it all before it got too late. He explained to Brendon that he couldn’t risk his dream job and it was inappropriate for a teacher to date his student. Ryan was only 25 years old but it was still wrong. He also felt that Brendon would get over it because Brendon probably only wanted to kiss him since he was the one acting caring towards him all the time. He figured that Brendon was just confused and going through a lot but he’d be okay in the end He would graduate high school soon and move on.

Brendon reacted badly to the news of course but Ryan knew it was best for the both of them. He decided to teach a whole new class so that Brendon wouldn’t have to feel tortured by seeing him every day. It wasn’t that Ryan didn’t have feelings for Brendon but that was really why he had to leave because it just couldn’t be that way for them.
---

Ryan can’t help going to watch Brendon graduate. For one reason, he is proud to see his student rise above his struggles to graduate high school. The other reason being, he feels extremely guilty. He assumed a clean break would be best for them but now he isn’t so sure. He heard things about Brendon from other students and teachers. Brendon’s mom had died and he was having a hard time with everything. It made Ryan feel bad. All he could do now is clap and cheer when they handed Brendon his diploma.

Ryan finds Brendon after the ceremony. “Hey Brendon, I’m really proud of you.”

Brendon nods. “Thanks I guess.”

“Do you have any exciting plans now?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugs.

“Would it be okay if I treated you to some pizza or something to celebrate?”

Brendon hesitates then nods again. “Okay.”

They sit at a small pizza restaurant together. “I feel like we should talk,” Ryan announces.

Brendon shrugs. “Whatever.”

“I’m really sorry about everything that happened Brendon. I never meant to hurt you and I know I probably didn’t handle everything the way I should have. When I heard that you were still having a hard time after I switched classes it made me feel bad. I should have been there for you.”

“I thought you cared about me. You left me when I needed you.”

“I do care about you Brendon,” Ryan insists.

“You’re a liar,” Brendon stands up. “Take me home.”

They get in the car and Ryan starts to drive slowly. “How are things with your dad?”

“Don’t ask about it.”

“I really am sorry Brendon. You have to understand though what position you were putting me in. I’m a teacher and I can’t lose my job.”

“I needed you. Don’t you think I was in a hard situation too?” Brendon is obviously angry.

“I know. I’m stupid sometimes. I tried to do what was best for both of us.”

“Fuck you.”

Ryan feels like he was stabbed in the chest. He hasn’t cried in a long time but he thinks he might now. He pulls the car over and looks at Brendon. “I feel terrible about what happened. It kills me knowing how badly I fucked up. But Brendon…I do care about you.”

“Why should I believe you?” Brendon challenges.

Ryan undoes his own seatbelt then gets as close to Brendon as possible to kiss him.

“I hate you,” Brendon frowns.

“I love you Brendon,” he hugs him tightly.

“What?”

“You’re amazing, okay? You’re so talented and funny and smart. You’re strong and brave. You got through all of this bullshit in your life to graduate high school. You and I went through a lot together. I know I messed up but Brendon I love you. I know I shouldn’t but I do. I never thought I’d be the kind of teacher to kiss his student but you’re different…this is different.”

They cry against each other now. At some point they pull themselves together and Brendon says “I love you too.”

They go to Ryan’s apartment and make out on Ryan’s bed. Ryan presses himself against Brendon and that makes Brendon’s body react physically. Brendon blushes, obviously embarrassed, and apologizes. Ryan smiles. “It’s okay. You’re eighteen. Your body is supposed to react like that.”

“Okay…”

Ryan kisses him again and he slides a hand between them to rub Brendon through his pants. Brendon moans. “Are you a virgin?” Ryan asks.

“Yeah…” Brendon nods. “Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing. It’s alright. Being a virgin at your age isn’t a bad thing.”

“If you say so.”

Ryan kisses Brendon’s neck and grinds against him.

“Uh!” Brendon arches his back. “Ryan…”

“Are you okay?” Ryan pauses.

“That feels so good.”

“I love you Brendon. Let’s feel good together.”

After being intimate they fall asleep in each other’s arms. When Ryan wakes up in the morning Brendon is gazing at him smiling. It makes Ryan smile too. Brendon snuggles closer to him in the bed. “Can I stay here forever?” he asks.

“Yes because I’m never letting you go.”

“You’re going to get fired because of me.”

“No,” Ryan shakes his head. “I’m moving away. I’m going to live with my best friend Spencer and his girlfriend. It’ll be a new start for me. I’ll find a job there.”

“You’re leaving?” Brendon stares at him in disbelief.

“I want you to go with me.”

“You do?”

Ryan nods. “I love you and I want us to be together. This place isn’t good for you or me.”

Brendon doesn’t say anything for a long time but finally nods. “Yes, I want to run away with you. I want to be with your forever and ever.”