Status: In progress. Updates when I get the chance.
Cross My Heart
Death
“Give me my chance to be a cheesy romantic.” Josh said to me, grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the car. He had wrapped a tie around my eyes so I couldn’t see.
“I feel like I’m in great physical danger.” I said, shifting my weight to my left leg. Josh had disappeared to ‘retrieve things’ so I was left standing blind god knows where.
“This way, Miss Negative.” I felt Josh’s hand on my back leading me deeper into whatever this was I couldn’t see.
We walked for quite a while, until Josh suddenly jumped away from me and told me I could remove my irritating blind fold.
I slowly pulled the neon green tie from my eyes to find myself in the middle of a field, in the middle of nowhere.
“Damn, you are cheesy.” I said, looking around. It seemed to be a clearing in the middle of the woods. It was about as big as the standard Olympic soccer field and un kept. Grass and wild flowers grew everywhere, some grass reaching above my head.
“Why thank you.” Josh took a comical bow.
*
We wasted that whole day away, just laying the grass, watching the sun come up and talking. About nothing really, life, Queen, why you eat the red Smarties last.
I was nice. Nice to get away from everything that had been bothering me lately. Do you ever build up all the small things in your head to make one problem that adds up to nothing?
Of course Green Day lyrics flashed through my head. But it was true. Though some may say the closest thing I had to a mom stuck in the hospital wasn’t a small problem, compared to some things I’d been through it was shadowed. And I would honestly like to know what Josh had been up to lately, and I wished Adam would stop drinking and getting high.
“Well, Phoenix, this concludes our escape.” Josh abruptly stood up; standing over me he leaned down and offered his hand to me.
I took it and he helped me up.
The drive home was uneventful. I fell asleep quickly when F.O.D started playing from the stereo. The beginning tricking me into a deep sleep. When the end began playing, I was to asleep to notice.
*
I entered my house slowly, feeling like I was carrying a ten thousand pound weight. Josh had to go meet the guys for some band thing, so I was left alone.
Just me, Green Day, my Beatles comforter, and Slushy. What? Did you forget about Slushy? My amazing stuffed dog? Keep up people.
I lay down with my head phones in, listening to No Pride play at top volume. I snuggled under the quilted faces of Lennon, McCartney, Harrison, and Starr. Hugging Slushy close, I decided this was the rest of my day. Nothing was getting me out of bed.
I lay there for hours, simply contemplating life and listening to Billie Joe Armstrong serenade me. It was a while before there was a loud pound on the door, followed by an angry: “Phoenix get up!”
I pulled my ear buds from my ears and looked to the door. Adam stood there - he looked a bit better, but still like he had been hit by a truck. A big truck, carrying heavy things.
“Hey, Dad.” I said, rubbing my eyes. “I was just taking a nap.”
“I know, Phoenix, but it’s been six hours since you got home. I was worried…” Adam sounded more paranoid than worried.
“Don’t be, I didn’t sleep to well last night.”
“You know, maybe we should get you to a doctor to talk about you’re sleep issues…”
“Dad I’m fine, just stressed is all. What with Mom in the hospital…Do you know why yet?” I asked him, looking hopeful.
He sighed, sitting on the edge of my bed and folding his hands in his lap.
“Do you know why we adopted you, Phoenix? Instead of adopting a baby or a toddler, or even having a child of our own?” He asked me, barely daring to look me in the eyes.
“No, I don’t…why?”
“Because, Pheonix. There are two reasons, the first being that Lisa is compassionate. She seeks out the underdog and tries to help them. She saw you, a 16 year old girl being tossed through foster homes, with little to no chance of being adopted and had to help you. Not some baby whose mom had died giving birth, they had a chance. But the poor girl who’s innocence had been stolen from her so early in life, and throw up river without a paddle.” He spoke softly. I could barely hear him.
“A-and the other reason…?” I prompted him.
“Lisa can’t have kids.” He said, even more softly. “She only found out a few years ago, when we we’re trying to start a family. They said it was nothing, happens all the time and that was it. We could adopt. But…” Adam chocked up. “When the doctors did a cat scan after Lisa was hit…they discovered it was more than that…Phoenix…she’s dying.”
“I feel like I’m in great physical danger.” I said, shifting my weight to my left leg. Josh had disappeared to ‘retrieve things’ so I was left standing blind god knows where.
“This way, Miss Negative.” I felt Josh’s hand on my back leading me deeper into whatever this was I couldn’t see.
We walked for quite a while, until Josh suddenly jumped away from me and told me I could remove my irritating blind fold.
I slowly pulled the neon green tie from my eyes to find myself in the middle of a field, in the middle of nowhere.
“Damn, you are cheesy.” I said, looking around. It seemed to be a clearing in the middle of the woods. It was about as big as the standard Olympic soccer field and un kept. Grass and wild flowers grew everywhere, some grass reaching above my head.
“Why thank you.” Josh took a comical bow.
*
We wasted that whole day away, just laying the grass, watching the sun come up and talking. About nothing really, life, Queen, why you eat the red Smarties last.
I was nice. Nice to get away from everything that had been bothering me lately. Do you ever build up all the small things in your head to make one problem that adds up to nothing?
Of course Green Day lyrics flashed through my head. But it was true. Though some may say the closest thing I had to a mom stuck in the hospital wasn’t a small problem, compared to some things I’d been through it was shadowed. And I would honestly like to know what Josh had been up to lately, and I wished Adam would stop drinking and getting high.
“Well, Phoenix, this concludes our escape.” Josh abruptly stood up; standing over me he leaned down and offered his hand to me.
I took it and he helped me up.
The drive home was uneventful. I fell asleep quickly when F.O.D started playing from the stereo. The beginning tricking me into a deep sleep. When the end began playing, I was to asleep to notice.
*
I entered my house slowly, feeling like I was carrying a ten thousand pound weight. Josh had to go meet the guys for some band thing, so I was left alone.
Just me, Green Day, my Beatles comforter, and Slushy. What? Did you forget about Slushy? My amazing stuffed dog? Keep up people.
I lay down with my head phones in, listening to No Pride play at top volume. I snuggled under the quilted faces of Lennon, McCartney, Harrison, and Starr. Hugging Slushy close, I decided this was the rest of my day. Nothing was getting me out of bed.
I lay there for hours, simply contemplating life and listening to Billie Joe Armstrong serenade me. It was a while before there was a loud pound on the door, followed by an angry: “Phoenix get up!”
I pulled my ear buds from my ears and looked to the door. Adam stood there - he looked a bit better, but still like he had been hit by a truck. A big truck, carrying heavy things.
“Hey, Dad.” I said, rubbing my eyes. “I was just taking a nap.”
“I know, Phoenix, but it’s been six hours since you got home. I was worried…” Adam sounded more paranoid than worried.
“Don’t be, I didn’t sleep to well last night.”
“You know, maybe we should get you to a doctor to talk about you’re sleep issues…”
“Dad I’m fine, just stressed is all. What with Mom in the hospital…Do you know why yet?” I asked him, looking hopeful.
He sighed, sitting on the edge of my bed and folding his hands in his lap.
“Do you know why we adopted you, Phoenix? Instead of adopting a baby or a toddler, or even having a child of our own?” He asked me, barely daring to look me in the eyes.
“No, I don’t…why?”
“Because, Pheonix. There are two reasons, the first being that Lisa is compassionate. She seeks out the underdog and tries to help them. She saw you, a 16 year old girl being tossed through foster homes, with little to no chance of being adopted and had to help you. Not some baby whose mom had died giving birth, they had a chance. But the poor girl who’s innocence had been stolen from her so early in life, and throw up river without a paddle.” He spoke softly. I could barely hear him.
“A-and the other reason…?” I prompted him.
“Lisa can’t have kids.” He said, even more softly. “She only found out a few years ago, when we we’re trying to start a family. They said it was nothing, happens all the time and that was it. We could adopt. But…” Adam chocked up. “When the doctors did a cat scan after Lisa was hit…they discovered it was more than that…Phoenix…she’s dying.”