This Is Torturous

Christmas Eve was a day filled with much running around. After being up all night decorating the tree and apartment with John, I had to wake up early and make a couple dozen batched of homemade oatmeal butterscotch cookies. I'd mixed the dough the night before as John strung colorful garland around the apartment. We were trying to be as festive as possible on such short notice, and I think we did an okay job.

At about 7:30 in the morning, I quietly got out of bed and made my way into the kitchen with my Macbook. As my computer powered up, I pulled the bowl of dough from the fridge.

Once I had Ryan Adams' discography going, starting with “Heartbreaker,” I began the baking process. As soon as they were in the oven, I started cleaning the apartment from the night before.

The storage containers I used for the Christmas decorations were sitting on the coffee table. I packed them up and put them away in the hall closet, taking the broom and mop out before I shut the door. There were already a lot of pine needles where the tree was due to its dying state. In all honestly, the thing looked incredibly sad.

The cookies were done just as I was emptying the dust pan into the trash can. It didn't take long for me to put more on the sheet and stick it back in. It was nearing nine and there was no sign of John waking up anytime soon. So I went back to cleaning.

The kitchen and living room were mopped and the windows were cleaned. I went through the pantry and refrigerator, getting rid of anything old and unused. I couldn't remember the last time I was on such a cleaning rampage.

By the time all of the dough was made into cookies, it was almost noon. And still no sign of John waking up. We were supposed to be at his parents' at two, so I decided to get in the shower. I was already ready for bed by the time I got out; I was so exhausted. I really didn't want to do my hair or makeup. I was going to be seeing John's family, though, so I opted to put on a little makeup, at least.

From where I was standing in the walk-in-closet, wearing only a bra and a pair of lounge pants, looking for an outfit to wear, I heard John inhale deeply from the bed, “Shit.” He said, still inhaling, “What time is it?” He asked as he propped himself up on his hands.

I glanced at him then back at my plethora of clothes, “12:45, I think.”

He let out his breath and collapsed, “How long have you been awake?”

He rolled over as I pulled a Wildfox long sleeve off its hanger and answered, “7:30.”

“Holy shit.” He was staring up at the ceiling.

I dragged my feet to the bed, hanging onto the shirt and nodded, pouting. Climbing onto the bed, I snuggled into his chest, closing my eyes, “So many cookies.” He chuckled as he wrapped his arm around my back and softly grazed his fingertips against my bare shoulder, “Mmm. Nap time.” I mumbled causing him to chuckle again.

“We have to leave in an hour.”

I pouted again, “You're driving.”

We ended up leaving at two which made us fifteen minutes late. I didn't think it really mattered since there were going to be a bunch of people showing up around the same time. From what I understood, it was mostly going to be close family at the O'Callaghan home. I had met most of them over the Summer at one of the family cookouts, so I wasn't worried about meeting any of his family for the first time.

“Sparrow! Sweetie!” Jenny exclaimed when John and I walked into the kitchen hand-in-hand. I was holding a tin of cookies while he held a case of Bud Light he promised his dad he'd bring.

Jenny threw her arms around me, almost knocking me off my feet. John let go of my hand so I could hug back and stifled a laugh at my shocked face, “Hey, Jenny.” I said awkwardly.

“Hey, Mom, thanks for the warm welcoming. I love you, too, Mom. Oh my God, you're so sweet.” John said sarcastically causing me to laugh.

Jenny scoffed at him, “I saw you yesterday, I haven't seen Sparrow in a long time.” They shared a look I couldn't quite understand. She then turned back to me with a large grin, “How are you, Sweetie?” Her eyes fell to the tin in my hand, “Oh, you brought cookies? How sweet!”

“Yeah, they're oatmeal butterscotch.” I was a little overwhelmed by the way John's mom was acting, but I was trying not to let it show.

“She was up at 7:30 making them after staying up all night decorating the apartment.” John added.

“Oh! How does it look? I bet it's cute.” She smiled at both of us, “Spending your first Christmas together as a couple, living together.” She looked between us, eyes glistening. My eyes widened. Was she getting choked up? She sniffed.

“Mom, are you crying?” John asked incredulously.

She closed her eyes and shook her head, “It's just – my baby's all grown up!” She cried then grabbed him into a hug.

His eyes locked with mine as she rocked them back and forth, “Oh my god.” I mouthed. He rolled his eyes at his mother's behavior in return.

“Okay. Sorry.” She said, pulling away, wiping at her eyes, “Here,” She said, taking the tin from my hand and shoving it in John's, “Why don't you go put that on the island with the rest of the sweets and put the beer in the fridge?” He rolled his eyes again, but followed his mother's orders. Jenny, then, turned to me, giving me this look like she knew something I didn't. All of a sudden she was pulling me into a hug again. What was going on?!

After going around and saying “hello” to everyone with my boyfriend, we got in line for food. It was a Mexican potluck which made no sense since John's family was Irish, but I wasn't complaining; his mother made the best tamales for being a white woman.

We sat where we could which ended up being by Ross, John's brother, and their cousin Travis. I'd never met Travis before and Ross only a few times since he was going to school at ASU and living there.

“So, what was up with your mom earlier?” I asked then took a bite of the soft taco I had made for myself.

John looked over at me and gave me a look, “That's just how my mom is.”

“What happened?” Ross asked as he, too, took a bit of his soft taco.

“Mom just overwhelmed Sparrow when we got here.” John waved it off like it was nothing.

“Did she cry?” Travis asked.

“Yeah. You know how she is, all emotional and shit.” I rolled my eyes at how nonchalant he was being and continued eating.

“How long have you guys been together?” Travis asked.

I had food in my mouth, so I looked to John to answer. He looked at me then over to his cousin, “It's almost been a year.”

“They live together.” Ross said, almost disgusted.

“Hey, that's not a bad thing, Little Man.” Ross shot him a look, daring him to call him that name again. “How'd you guys meet?” He asked, completely ignoring Ross.

“He stalked me.” I answered before John could even attempt to.

Travis was looking at us in amusement while John looked at me with his mouth hanging open, “Excuse me, but I wasn't the only one staring at that restaurant.”

I looked at him, raising an amused eyebrow, “I wasn't the one who followed the other to Starbucks!”

“If I didn't, we wouldn't be sitting here right now!” He looked just as equally amused.

I narrowed my eyes at him, “Touche.” I said then turned back to my plate. John did the same then patted my thigh lovingly and rested his hand there. I scooted my chair closer to him which caused his hand to slip to the inside of my leg, near my knee. My left hand laced with his right on my leg loosely and my head leaned against his arm.

“All right, I'm out of here before they start making out or something.” Ross said as he rose from his seat, taking his empty plate with him.

“It'll be your time soon, Little Man!” John called after him causing me to smile and Travis to laugh.

We left the O'Callaghan's at a little after 5:30 so we could head over to Clover's in Gilbert. Clover's wasn't far from John's parents' which made me sad because I was ready for a nap and ten minutes wasn't enough.

“Ready for more family?” John asked me as we pulling into an overly crowded neighborhood.”

“I'm ready for a nap.” He chuckled as he began to parallel park across from my sister's house. “I'm so glad you're driving because we would be all the way at the end of the block if I was.”

He looked at me as he put my Jeep in park, “Woman drivers.” He smirked and shook his head. I chuckled and sat up from my slouched, relaxed position, opening the door as I went. “Can you grab the cookies?” I asked as I practically fell out of the door from exhaustion.

We walked to the door hand-in-hand and walked in without knocking. The first person I saw was my mother dressed in her usual bohemian attire of a long maxi dress and flowy silk cardigan. Her blonde hair was pulled over her shoulder in a braid just like it was every other day. The only thing missing was the flower she usually had woven through it.

“John! Darling!” She exclaimed cheerfully when she noticed us. She just happened to be walking out of the hallway and into the foyer. She rushed forward and enveloped my boyfriend. I laughed at the irony of the situation. His mother immediately greeted me while mine immediately greeted him.

“Hello to you, too, Mom.” I said with a chuckle.

“Oh, I see you all the time, Birdie.”

I shook my head with a laugh and dragged John into the house. It was loud and full of people. I couldn't believe how much family we had. It never seemed like that much until you got them all in a room together.

Taking a different tin of cookies than the one at his parent's from John, I moved into the kitchen. Dinner hadn't been served, yet, but there was no way I could even think about eating again. That was until I smelled all of the pasta cooking in my sister's kitchen.

“Hi!” Clover exclaimed when she spotted me entering. She quickly gave me a hug then took the cookies from me, “Are these your homemade oatmeal scotchies?” She asked excitedly and I nodded. Immediately she set them down and took the lid off so she could pull one out.

“Hey!” I yelled.

She didn't listen. Instead, she shoved the cookie in her mouth and left the tin how it was. With a dirty look shot in her direction, I closed the tin. All the while she went back to the marinara sauce boiling on her stove.

“Where's John?” She asked, chewing on the cookie in her mouth.

“Roaming around here somewhere. I left him with mom when we came in.”

She glanced up at me then back to her sauce, “I didn't get to ask yesterday since the whole Ryver-not-being-a-lesbian-anymore thing happened, but how's it like having him home?”

I smiled widely, “Amazing. I love having him home. I'm just bummed he's leaving again the weekend after new years.”

She frowned, “UK, right?” I nodded and she sighed, 'You knew what you were getting into, Spare.”

I shook my head, “No, I know. I love that he gets to do what he does. I'm not going to hold that against him; I would never do that. It's just going to suck not having him around much this year after having almost all summer and fall.” I shrugged, “I'll get used to it.” Clover's hand was on my shoulder, then, and she gently gave it a loving squeeze with a sad smile.

That's when my favorite cousin/best friend/famous model made her appearance with Archer on her hip, “I saw that tall, skinny dude you shacked up with in the living room and had to come find you.”

“You're one to talk, Twig.” I said with a smile, “How've you been, Mila?” I asked once I hugged her.

“I've been fabulous. My agency loves me and designers are fighting over me.”

Clover and I snorted, “Your life is so difficult. Look at all of the designers you're wearing. Miu Miu, Chanel, Giuseppi Zanotti.”

She raised her eyebrow at me, “I've taught you well.” She smirked, “What about you? You're obviously still with that singer dude.”

I rolled my eyes, “His name is John.”

She smirked again, “I know.”

I chuckled, “You're impossible.”

“I know.” She repeated, this time with a smile.

Archer squealed in delight then, and shoved her arms out, telling me she wanted me to hold her, “Come here, Beautiful.” I said in that high voice reserved her babies and dogs. Mila handed her over.

“Hi.” Archer said then clapped her tiny hands together. My heart melted.

“Don't get any ideas, Sparrow.” Clover said, giving me a disappointed look.

“Don't get any ideas about what?” John asked as he walked into the kitchen. His eyes landed on the baby and me.

“Hi.” Archer said to him.

I saw John's face soften and a smile spread across his lips, “Hi, Cutie.” He said sticking his pointer out for her to grasp.

“Hi.” Archer repeated.

“About that!” Mila pointed to the three of us, “Both of you don't get any ideas.” She said with a laugh.

“But she's so cute.” I hugged the baby closer to my body. She was too preoccupied with John behind me to notice, though.

“Until you have to wake up every two hours every night because she's crying.” Clover mumbled.

“I'm used to not sleeping.” John shrugged.

“No.” Clover and Mila repeated.

I looked at John and we shared a smile. We definitely weren't thinking about kids. That wouldn't happen for a very long time. I liked being able to hand the kid over when they were cranky.

After a few more minutes in the kitchen, I turned to John and took hold of his hand with a smile. Slowly, I started pulling him out of the room and through the walk way to the living room.

“Birdie!” My grandmother, Clementine, exclaimed happily when John and I walked into the living room where everyone was conversing.

I unlaced John and I's fingers so I could hug my grandma, “Hi, Gram!” I greeted happily. I didn't see her often since she moved to Nashville a few years prior. The only time I saw her was Christmas which was extremely sad for me seeing as she was one of my favorite people, “You remember John, right?” I questioned, relacing my fingers with his.

“Ah, yes. How could I forget someone with such perfect bone structure?” She smiled and John laughed.

“How are you, Mrs. L'Amour?”

“I'm marvelous, Darling. How are you? I see you've swept my granddaughter off her feet.”

I leaned into John's side and he wrapped his arm around my waist, “I tried extremely hard.”

My grandmother smirked, “I think you did a excellent job. Has she shown you her burlesque yet?”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, “No, not yet. I keep bugging her, but she just won't give in.”

She slapped my arm with a disapproving noise, “Come on, Bird, give your man a show! Show him some skin!”

My mouth dropped and my eyes widened, “Gram!”

She only laughed in response, “Well, I must mingle. It was nice talking with you, John.”

He smiled down at her petite frame, “You, too, Mrs L'Amour.”

“Oh and Bird, I like what you've done with your hair.”

My brow furrowed, “I didn't do anything to it.”

She grinned, “Exactly.” She gave me a look then walked off.

John looked down at me once she was out of ear shot, “What was that about?” He questioned.

I shook my head, “She hates when I style my hair because it damages it and takes away my natural curl.”

His hand lifted one of my curls and he inspected it, “She's right, your natural curl is much better.”

My nose scrunched up at his words and he leaned down and pecked it. As soon as he leaned back, I stood on my toes and pecked his lips, “I love you.”

“How are you, Bird?” My grandma asked later that night as she sat down next to me on the sofa.

I glanced at her then back down to my phone where I was getting annoyed texts from Ryder because I hadn't given him his gift yet. “I'm good, Gram, how about you?”

She shrugged, “Can't complain at all. I'm just living life day by day.”

I smiled at her, pocketing my phone, “Same here.”

“So I hear you and that John boy are living together now.” She nudged me in the ribs and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively at me. I snorted. My grandma was definitely something else.

“We are. He had no where else to go since the place he was staying at with his bandmates' lease was up and he didn't exactly want to continue living with his parents.” I shrugged, “Plus, I was getting lonely living by myself.”

She pursed her lips, “Isn't that apartment a little small for the both of you?”

I nodded, “A little, but we make it work. He's not home much anyways.”

She nodded in understanding, “Off touring the world, right?” I nodded again, “Don't you miss him?”

I nodded once more, “God yes, every second he's gone.” She smiled at me, “There's some days I wish I could just ask him to come home, but I know it'll do me no good since there's no way he'd ever do that. The band is first.”

She frowned, “That doesn't sound fair.”

“Gram, life doesn't revolve around relationships. We make sacrifices. I wouldn't ask him to give up his life. Music was in his life before I was. I'm okay with that because my life doesn't necessarily revolve around him.” I shrugged.

She patted me on the hand and I gave her a soft smile, “You're a lot wiser than I was at your age.”

I laughed, “I just know some things can't go how you want them. I also know that my world shouldn't stop just because my boyfriend is gone for months at a time. I lived perfectly fine before I met him. Plus, it makes his return that much more special.” I smiled.

All of this talk about John made me want to be by his side. My eyes scanned the room, but they couldn't find his green ones anywhere.

“He's out back with your father.” Gram said with a knowing smile.

I chuckled, “You know me too well, Gram.”

All of a sudden her eyes got wide with excitement, “Oh! Guess who I ran into in downtown Nashville the other day.”

My brow furrowed, “Who?”

“Jack White.”

My mouth dropped in complete shock, “W-wh-what? Jack White? Are you sure it was him?”

She gave me a look, “Pale as a ghost? Black curly hair? I think I know who Jack White is, Bird.”

I rolled my eyes at my grandmother, “So, what?” You just bumped into him at the grocery store or something?”

She chuckled, “Yes, actually. I couldn't reach the loaf of bread on the top shelf and he got it down for me. He's a real nice guy.”

I stared at her, dumbfounded, “Seriously? He just got you your loaf of bread and that was it?”

She shot me another look, “No, he asked me out to dinner and now we're dating. What else do you want me to say?”

I laughed, “I don't know! I just can't believe you met Jack White!”

“Maybe you should come visit me and you'll be as lucky as I was!” My grandmother never ceased to amaze me.

John and I didn't stay much longer because I was on the verge of passing out. We played our game of white elephant which left me going home with a book about hungover owls I knew Clover brought. John ended up with a giftcard to the movies and some lottery scratchers. He did better than I did.

As soon as my face was washed and my pajamas were on, I was about to fall over. It was only almost ten, so John was wide awake. “I'm sorry I'm such a party pooper.” I muttered as I sank into our mattress.

He chuckled as he pulled his belt off, “You've been up since 7:30, I think it's understandable that you're exhausted.”

I groaned, closing my eyes. I heard him enter the closet, “Can you move the presents into the living room, under the tree?” I asked.

“Sure thing, Ladybird.”

“What are you going to do right now?” I asked once I heard him reenter our room. The bed dipped from his weight and his body leaned over mine. I opened my eyes to see what he was up to. I was met with his dazzling smile and the feel of his warm breath on my face.

“I'll probably do some writing. I'm feeling really inspired.”

My brow furrowed, “Why?”

He leaned down and kissed me, “You just inspire me.”

I continued to look at him in confusion, “Thanks?” I asked more than said.

“No, thank you.”

I chuckled and closed my eyes, “You're such a goof.”

I felt his lips on my cheek, “I love you.” He said then got up from the bed.

“I love you, too.” I mumbled, already half way to dreamland.