Nicotine and Faded Dreams

I woke up the next morning to the sound of snoring coming from somewhere near me. I opened my eyes to see Travis in his bunk across from me snoring with half of his head, a leg, and an arm hanging off the bunk, we both forgot to shut our bunk curtains last night. I laughed at the sight which caused my already present headache to hurt even more and I checked my phone which read 7 AM. Since I was already awake and there was no going back to sleep with the snoring going on near me, I decided to get up and start my day early.

I quietly washed my face, got dressed, took some Advil, and applied some eyeliner before heading to the back of the bus to play some video games, but when I saw the acoustic guitar sitting there on the couch, I got a better idea instead. Hopefully Travis wouldn’t mind if I stole it for a little while. I carefully brought the guitar outside, making sure not to make too much noise on my way out. I sat in one of the chairs that were still set up around the fire pit, which only contained ashes now.

I set the guitar down for a minute and lit up a cigarette, a terrible habit that I had possessed since I was 18 that I just couldn’t seem to quit. Once I was finished, I felt completely relaxed. I placed the guitar on my lap and began strumming random strings, playing a mix of chords and notes I knew, and ones I just created off the top of my head.

After a while my random strumming morphed into the one song by the guys that, in these few days, I had learned pretty well. I know what you’re thinking, it’s Check Yes Juliet, right? Well for some reason it was the song What You Do to Me. I hadn’t even heard them play it live yet, but I hoped that I would sometime during this tour because it was just such a wonderful song. I first heard it on my plane ride and I couldn’t get it out of my head. It has been playing on repeat on my I-pod ever since. After 10 minutes of playing by ear, I think I finally got the right combination of notes. I began to sing along as I started over…

I want to be the picture on your wall
I want to chase you around until we fall
I want to be the one you write about
I want to be the one who never lets you down

I missed this feeling so much. I continued singing and playing the song and got about half way through when I heard a creak and a thud come from behind me. I turned mid-song to see Travis face down on the gravel. I gently put the guitar down but ran over to him as quick as I could, helping him up from the ground, “Trav oh my gosh, are you ok?”

He started laughing awkwardly and brushed himself off, “Yeah, I guess I wouldn’t make a very good ninja. Sorry, I was watching you play.”

I looked at the ground embarrassed. I could feel my cheeks burn a bright red, “I’m sorry for stealing your guitar and waking you, I just…”

I was cut off by Travis, “Don’t be sorry, it’s totally fine. You didn’t wake me, you were…” He paused and just stared at me smiling, “Amazing. How…why…” He couldn’t seem to put together a complete sentence. “Sorry, I just mean, no offense, but why are you only a merch girl? You’re super talented, you should be doing what we’re doing, playing music. You obviously love it, I can tell.” He looked at me with so much admiration for that fact that I couldn’t help but smile

“Well,” I began, "It’s kind of a long story.” I could tell that my voice was becoming sad and I think Travis could too.

He grabbed my hand and looked straight into my eyes, “I like long stories,” He smiled. ”You can tell me.”

He tugged on my hand and brought me back over to the chairs where we sat down. And then I told him everything. I told him how I had originally gone to Berklee to play music but I was quickly told by my instructors that I wasn’t cut out for that life, I didn’t have enough talent. I told him how I cried my eyes out for weeks and considered dropping out of school. I told him how I began doing worse and worse in my classes. And I told him how I had to settle for being a merch girl if I wanted to be around the music that I so longed to be a part of. I regretted not trying to pursue a music career in spite of what my instructors had told me, but being crushed like that absolutely destroyed my spirit. I completely loved what I did now, and I adored the people around me, but every day I was reminded of what could have been, and that hurt a lot.

By the end of my story I was almost in tears, but I held them back refusing to let them fall. I lifted my head to look at Travis, his face looked both angry and sad at the same time. He squeezed my hand a little tighter, “Leila, they have no idea what they’re talking about,” he said seriously, I could tell by the look in his eyes that he really believed that.

“Thanks Travis.” I said still upset, but I had to push that away, this tour was going to be a good thing, no more sadness. I stood up quickly which I could tell surprised Travis, “Alright, that’s it. No more sad stories. We have an adventure to go on!”

Travis’s frown turned into a slight smirk as he stood up with me, “Alright where to?”

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We ended up gambling a little more, this time at the Bellagio. We stayed there all day, eating lunch and dinner together, and really just talking. It had been an amazing day and by the time we decided to leave the Bellagio it was 10pm and we were both exhausted.

Travis grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the large iconic fountains in front of the Bellagio, "Come watch with me,” Travis stated simply.

I didn’t respond, I only smiled and followed him. He positioned us directly in front of the large fountains and in less than a minute the show began. I didn’t quite know what to expect. Classical music began to play and we watched as the fountains sprayed water in all directions, swirling, swaying, and shooting it up high into the air, all perfectly in tune with the music. It was beautiful.

After the fountain show was over, Travis and I walked back to the buses. It was nearly 11:30pm by then and there were some people outside the buses hanging out, but the majority, I assumed, were inside relaxing, we all had an early day tomorrow.

We walked onto the bus to find the rest of the band was asleep in their bunks, since all the shades were closed. I quickly changed into my pajamas, which consisted of a pair of shorts and a black tank top, and washed my face. When I came back from the bathroom Travis was sitting on the couch in the front lounge.

“Hey,” I said plopping down next to him, “I really can’t thank you enough for the last two days, for taking me out. I’m sorry for probably bumming you out with my sad story, and if I took you away from hanging with your friends.”

“Don’t be sorry, I loved hanging out with you, you’re my friend now too you know. Like you said, we ginger’s have to stick together,” I laughed at this, “And as for the story, I’m glad you told me it. You shouldn’t give a shit what those people think of you, ya know. I think you’re amazing and talented. You could make it, I know you could.” He grabbed my hand lightly once again.

The thing about Travis, I was coming to realize, is that when he’s being genuine and honest, you can tell. Whether it’s on stage telling his fans how much they meant to him, or him telling me he believes in me, you can tell that he really means it. This man has a huge heart.

I couldn’t say anything, I just leaned in and wrapped my arms around his neck, giving him a huge hug, “You know Travis, you’re the best.” I laughed, squeezing him tight. Soon enough I felt his arms around me too, squeezing back tightly.

“Right back at ya.”