Caught Up In You

May 18th, 2012
Friday Night
Location: Drew’s Dorm
8:15 PM

It was strange to think that only a month and a couple of days had passed since the night Drake and I started dating. That instant feels like forever ago, solemnly lost in eternity, waiting for the nostalgia to catch on. Of course, I remember it like the back of my hand, and I think about that moment every single day.

It’s just that ever since we got together, nothing has been going right. Or at least, nothing has been working out how I thought it would be.

I always pictured that the instant Drake realized we were meant to be together, that everything would be perfect. We’d be that couple that young girls dreamed about, wishing to have a guy that was as sweet and affectionate as mine. It’s true that Drake is everything I could ever imagine. Yet deep down there’s something missing.

Maybe I’m just being too picky. Any girl would love to have him. I guess it’s just how I dreamed it was a total over exaggeration of what really happened.

The first couple of weeks were great, of course. It was like the ‘honey-moon’ phase. Everything was complete. And then after that, our lives crashed together, like a ship lost in a stormy sea, holding on to that hope of making it back to land.

So even though I thought I had made the right choice, I was starting to think I was wrong.

~~*~~

Drake has been over every single day this week. I don’t really mind. I enjoy the company, not to mention the look on Pacey’s face whenever he sees us. But it’s hard to act like we’re not dating when Pacey’s around.

It’s not fair to Drake that we’re sneaking around so much. I realize I should just grow up and take care of it. It’s not like Pacey would overreact too much.

Besides, school will be out in a couple of weeks and I’ll never have to see him again. So why does it matter?

“Drew, are you okay?” Drake asks, his fingers restlessly fiddling with my loose strands of hair rested messily on my face. We’re seated on the couch in the living room, pretending to watch ‘Safe Haven’. But honestly, it’s quite difficult to do anything without thinking about the elephant in the room. We’ve been here for the past hour and half, aimlessly staring at a screen. And even though it’s a beautiful movie, we’re so out of it we can’t even think right. Or maybe it’s just me.

I don’t even know anymore.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say, resting my hand in Drake’s and watching as his smile widens.

I feel terrible, leading him on like this. I have feelings for Drake. If I didn’t, I would have broken up with him already. Nevertheless, the problem is quite literally me. I’m going insane, constantly comparing how he’s similar and different from Pacey.

We watch the rest of the movie in our somewhat comfortable uncommunicative atmosphere. Drake stands up and gets the disc out of the player when it’s over. I observe him closely as he stalks back to me, protectively placing his arm around me.

“You know, it’s really hard to talk to you when you’re silent,” Drake mumbles quietly, gazing down at me.

“I’m sorry. I’ve just been so out of it,” I confessed. Well, that was the majority of the reason.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks so gently, his face pressed into a genuine grin. It’s then I realize how much I’ve been taking him for granted. He deserves someone that appreciates him, not me. I can’t even go ten seconds without zoning out.

I shake my head slowly and look into his unpredictable stare. It makes me nervous, trying to understand what he’s thinking. He has to know something is up. We haven’t been the same in at least two weeks.

“It’s nothing bad, I swear. I’ve just been so fazed with all the homework I’m getting. I promise I’ll come to you if there’s anything else, okay?” I say, reassuring him.

Drake smiles softly, the edges of his lips turning upwards. He leans in and kisses me slowly then, just like how I remember it. I pull him in close, the reminiscence of what we used to be filling the air. All too soon I’m swept up in Drake. His citrusy smell. His minty breath. His velvety lips. They all swarm around me and I’m lost in the moment.

Nothing else is there. It’s just us. Just this. I’m captured in his grasp, his hands strong on my back, keeping me close to him. I don’t mind, really. It’s euphoric, being here with him, and I’m instantly standing between a fork in the road. It’s impossible to choose.

I should have heard the door close. Or the footsteps. Or even his breath as he sighed deeply when he realized his prediction had come true. But all too quickly, I heard my last warning, and I was too late.

“Well isn’t that sweet?” He asked condescendingly, making my beautiful moment with Drake turn into a senseless tragedy. I jump off of Drake and stare in Pacey’s black eyes. His jaw is closed tight, and he looks as if he’s covering how he really feels.

I glance back at Drake, his eyes burning with confusion and a bit of anger.

I stare at the ground. There’s really nothing I can do.

“What, not going to say anything?” Pacey asks, locking the door and tilting his head. His eyes are locked on mine, and I know he’s been gnawed to the bone. He’s gorgeous now, in an intimidating way that I never want to witness again.

“Stop taunting her,” Drake speaks up, tensing as he gets off the couch. Pacey raises his eyebrows.

“I’m not taunting her. Just wondering what’s going on. Because last time I checked, friends don’t nearly tear each other’s clothing off,” he spat. I sit there vulnerably, my eyes bulging open. I’m waiting for the inevitable disaster. Nothing good can come out of this.

“It’s not any of your business,” Drake exclaims, getting closer to him. I curl up into a ball, hiding my face between my legs. I should be helping, attempting to stop the chaos that’s impending. Yet when I try to move, I’m paralyzed. I’m motionless. I can’t even let out a squeal.

“Well when it’s in my dorm, it is.”

“This is her place too, Pacey.”

“Oh, we’re on a first name basis, are we?”

“Shut up. I don’t need your smart ass mouth right now.”

“You don’t need it? Last time I checked, you weren’t the one that walked in on your ex-girlfriend kissing some guy she swore she didn’t have feelings for.”

“I can’t help it that she likes me more than you.”

And that’s all it takes for flesh to meet bone. I hear the impact instantly, and my head peaks out. My limbs can move again, and I rush off the couch, screaming maniacally to make them stop.

Drake pulls away, resting his hand on his cheek. He glares at Pacey, gaining his speed again and hitting him directly in the nose. Pacey yells loudly as blood begins to trickle over his lips.

I’m in the background, screaming at the top of my lungs to make them stop. But to no avail, the fight continues. Tristan and Logan rush out seconds later, watching as tears sprawl down my blotchy cheeks. Instantaneously, they rush into the brawl and push each other away. Logan grabs Pacey while Tristan takes Drake. They squirm under my roommate’s grasps, unable to spring free.

I shake my head uncontrollably, gaping widely at Pacey and Drake.

“I … I can’t do this anymore,” I say, hurriedly walking to my room.

And the last thing I remember is Pacey yelling that I’m his.