Holding Hands Won't Be Enough

“Mummy?” Oscar’s voice called from inside, wondering where his mother had gone. She rose her head from Ville’s chest and looked into his eyes. He took a deep breath, knowing this was the moment he would meet Oscar as his son. He nodded slightly, there needed to be no words for that exchange. They both knew what this moment was. Her hands trembled as she stood and opened the door fully, slipping inside quickly so as Oscar wouldn’t wake the guys with his calling out. “Can we watch it again?” he asked, baffled that he’d missed it and a new movie was now playing, “This one isn’t colour.” He frowned.

“No pikkuinen.” Milly smiled, sitting down next to him and picking up his cute wings and holding them in her hands. “Do you remember what Ville was told earlier?” she asked slowly. He tilted his head back then lunged it forwards quickly, repeating the process twice over. “You do?”

“Yes.” He smiled.

“And what was that?” he giggled and stood up on the sofa, placing his hands on his mother’s shoulders.

“He’s my daddy.” He said, suddenly shy. Milly’s lips tweaked a smile.

“That’s right.” She said, kissing his cheek, “And what do you think? About Ville being your daddy?” he breathed in deeply and slowly before huffing it out and exposing his teeth, identical to Ville’s, in a large grin.

“I like it.”

“You do?”

“Yes.”

“Well, good.. Because Ville is your daddy and he loves you very, very much.”

“As much as you?”

“As much as me. We love you more than anything.”

“Mummy..” he asked, trying to hold a handful of hair in his wing. She moved his hand away as she replied.

“Yes darling?”

“Was Ville keeping a secret so he was a surprise?” he asked, and as he did whenever he was nervous, he carried out the vowels in all the words. Being stumped for an answer allowed him to interject with another question, “Was he keeping it a secret so that he didn’t have to tell me off when I broke the window?”

“Ohh..” Milly chuckled, remembering back to a few days before they left L.A, Oscar, Ville and Linde had been playing with a ball in the garden and it had managed to find its way into the house via a closed window. “Well, no.. He was probably doing that to be nice because he knew I would be upset and didn’t want me to be upset with you.”

“Why didn’t he tell me when we were playing all those times?”

“Because he didn’t know he was your daddy until today; you are a surprise for Ville and he is a surprise for you…” she explained delicately. She was positive there would have been no books detailing how to explain this kind of thing to a three year old in any book, even if she had tried to prepare herself.

“Like presents!” he gleamed, perking up. Milly hoped this was because he’d possibly understood.

“Like presents.” she nodded. He frowned again, looking concerned. “What’s the matter sweetie?”

“Do I call Ville Daddy now?”

“Uh.. well, you don’t have to, if you don’t want to. I don’t think he’ll mind.” She had to admit, she hadn’t thought about it… What would he call him now? If he didn’t call him Daddy now would he ever? Or would his father forever be known to him as ‘Ville’.

“I like Ville.” He stated, “It’s funny.

“Oh is it?” she giggled, tickling his belly.

“Yes!” he squealed. When he stopped flapping about, he looked around the room, looking for Ville, “Can Ville watch the movie?”

“It’s very, very late. I think it’s time for bed, don’t you, little penguin?” he shook his head.

“I want Ville to see I’m a penguin.” He said, clambering on her body. She paused for a moment before moving to her knees on the floor in front of him as he stood on the sofa cushion.

“Only for a few minutes,” She agreed, letting him climb onto her back and hold onto her neck, “then its bedtime.” She scooped him up and stood to her feet, she hadn’t expected Ville to be standing in the door way watching her exchange with their son, but in a way she was glad he was.

“I’m a penguin!” Oscar cackled loudly, reaching for Ville. He looked at Milly, nervous as to what to do. She extended her arms, and Oscar, towards him, motioning that it was fine to take him. He gingerly took Oscar into his arms and Milly could see his throat tighten and his Adam’s apple strain. “Don’t cry!” Oscar grinned, padding at Ville’s face with his winged hand as he had done to Milly earlier. “Surprises aren’t sad.” He nodded, surely.

“Oh, I’m not sad kulta.. I’m very happy.”

“Because you’re my daddy?” he asked, excitedly. Not understanding the gravity of the news to Ville. Ville swallowed hard and sniffed as he nodded.

“Because I’m your daddy.” Finally, he smiled. He smiled harder than Milly had seen before and her heart crumbled. All those years she didn’t tell him because she was angry, because she was hurt, because she was scared… That smile would have dissolved all those problems immediately.