Holding Hands Won't Be Enough

“Oscar, enough please.” she pleaded as he continued to ask question after question.

“Is it the snow that makes it cold?” he asked inquisitively.

“Well, it certainly doesn’t make it warm.” she replied dryly, trying to navigate through a busy junction during rush hour.

“Is Daddy going to wear a hat too?” he asked, tugging at his woollen beanie.

“Probably sweetheart, he’d be a silly man if he didn’t, wouldn’t he?” she replied as she quickly glanced at the digital clock on the dash, she was five minutes early, just they way she had wanted it; there was no way in hell she wasn’t leaving ample time to get coffees before they headed to the Valo household to drop their little bombshell. She manoeuvred the car with ease into a parallel park adjacent to Ville’s building and turned up the heat further before turning around to give her boy a poke in the belly. “Warm yet little bug of mine?”

“Snug!” he grinned, jabbing his small finger into her palm. She raised her finger to her lips kissed it and pointed it at him, Oscar copying her action for action, then pressing his finger to hers. “I love you, Mummy.” he said with affirmation as Ville opened the door and sat down.

“I love you too, doodle bug.”

“Hello Daddy!” Oscar clapped.

“Good morning Pikkuinen!” he grinned, twisting his whole body to turn to his son. “How are we this morning?”

“Mummy said you’re a silly man!” he giggled, pointing at Ville’s head. Ville turned and looked at Milly quizzically. She shook her head disbelievingly.

“Tells me he loves me then throws me under the bus.” she scoffed with slight laughter.

“True Valo, eh?” Ville shrugged remorsefully.

“No.. that isn’t what I.. you’re not wearing a hat.” she insisted, “We had a bit of a struggle getting him to wear it, didn’t we bug?”

“Why aren’t you wearing a hat Daddy?” he bounced his brow at her then turned to the young boy.

“Because, it’s a magic hat and only a little Valo can coax it out of hiding.” he bellowed dramatically.

“Magic?”

“Yep.” he responded seriously, “Now, close your eyes,” he did, “cover them with those little mitten hands,” he did, “and when I say shout ‘hat’, you shout ‘hat’ as loud as you can and the magic will work.”

“How?” he cooed, still holding his hands to his face.

“Ahh, this is the magic part, Mummy has to shout it too otherwise it won’t work.” he turned and smiled at her, he knew she disliked cold mornings and in their past the only way to get through it was to make each other laugh, so that is what he was going to do. “Is Mummy ready?” she rolled her eyes.

“Yes.” she laughed.

“One.. Two.. Three.. shout!”

“Haaaaat!!” he called out, causing people walking by the car to turn and look. Quickly Ville pulled his hat from his pocket with one hand and removed Milly’s with the other, before yanking his beanie down onto of her head and pulling hers down on his.

“I think you’ve done it Osi.” he said excitedly. He pulled his hands down from his face and stared at his father expectantly, his face twisting into amusement when he noticed Ville was wearing Milly’s hat and Milly now had Ville’s favoured purple beanie on - which, coincidently, had originally been hers in the first place.

“It’s on Mummy’s head!” he screamed.

“Is it?” Ville asked curiously, slowly turning to Milly and acting shocked, “So it is! Oscar, I think you have mischievous magic powers!”

“And I think we should get going.” Milly interjected, though amused, her brain scattered from worry and lack of caffeine.

————

Milly flicked the indicator on and pulled to the side of the road, crossing her arms over the steering wheel and burying her head in them once the car was in park. She inhaled deeply, squeezing her eyes shut. She felt like her rib cage was going to burst open and jitter away like a xylophone. Instinctively Ville reached over and squeezed her shoulder. “Can you please just give them a warning call.. Hey mum, dad, got some news, popping over now.. kinda thing?” she suggested, leaning back into her seat.

“Of course I can.” he replied nodding as he fumbled for his phone in his jacket pocket. Milly pressed her fingers into her eye ditches, the bright patterns of colours appearing in her tightly closed eyes momentarily distracted her from the conversation Ville was having with who she assumed to be Anita. “Yes, I love you too, see you soon.”

“They’re about 45 minutes away, time enough to get one more coffee and still make it there with time to spare.”

“Right.”

“I told you yesterday, it will be fine. What is the worst that could happen? They have a grandchild.”

“Shouting, Ville. I hate shouting, confrontation, all of it.. I’ve had enough this month to last a life time.” she sighed before turning to look at Oscar who had fallen snugly asleep in his car seat, clutching Blinky in his small hand.

It didn’t take long to get to the town centre close to Ville’s parents, Oscar was still sound asleep so Ville offered to stay in the car so as Milly could have a moment to herself. He tried to hand her money for the coffees but she waved him off and left the car without another word. He wondered why she had mentioned nothing about the engagement party Jonna had abruptly invited her to, he knew her, he knew that she would have said something by now normally, but she was for whatever reason, biting her tongue. The car radio softly played O’Holy Night through the speakers, he had completely forgotten what month it was now, let alone what day it was.. He turned it up, remembering the night before he learnt of Oscar. His hand warmed at the thought of Milly holding it for comfort as she cried listening to this song, he turned and looked at Oscar and his stomach swirled. No gift could or would ever be as great as being a father to this child, he thought, the song completely taking over his emotions bringing him almost to tears as he looked at his child.

The rest of the car ride was silent, them both lost in their own thoughts, briefly they would glance over at one another wondering what the other was thinking, but they didn’t exchange a word until they pulled up in front of Ville’s parents home. It hadn’t changed since the last time she was here, but then, it never changed. “Fifteen minutes to spare, providing they’re on time.”

“They’re always on time.” she smiled slightly, remembering Kari’s unrelenting attitude towards punctuality.

“Brave the cold for a quick ciggy?” she gave him the nod and they clambered out the car with their coffees held tightly in their hands. Leaning their backsides against the warm bonnet of the vehicle, Ville lit two cigarettes and handed one to her. They both looked at the house, again they had so many memories here but they went unsaid, Milly noticed the holly wreath on the door and smiled.

“It’s almost Christmas and I’ve not thought of it once..” she frowned.

“Bigger fish darling.” he noted glumly. “But at least you’ll be back in sunny California.”

“What?”

“You said you’d be leaving after Sonja’s wedding, that’s the week before Christmas day.”

“I.. I didn’t even think.” she said disbelievingly.

“There’ll be uproar.” he chuckled.

“What?”

“You really think my parents or yours are going to let you take that little boy back before Christmas? World War III will break out.”

“I can’t stay at my parents that long, god love them, but they’re driving me crazy.”

“Go back to the tower.. You’re welcome to it.”

“Maybe, if it gets too much over at home.. but I feel like I’m intruding.”

“It’s not intruding if it’s offered.”

“Well, thank you.”

“Mill, about yesterday…”

“I get it, you’re having a baby, you’re getting married.. Of course she wants a party. Or course she does.” she rambled quickly. “It was very nice of her to invite me.” she nodded, biting down hard as she smiled. “Should I dress up? Sounds like it’s going to be a classy affair.” she quipped, extinguishing the half smoked cigarette in the snow then wrapping it in a tissue to dispose of it without littering Kari and Anita’s driveway.

“M-“

“Ville, I don’t want to talk about it. I’ll be there, so will Oscar, that’s all that matters, right?” she nodded suggestively, wanting the conversation to stop. She didn’t need to go on, as a car made it’s way up the drive. Before they could even think, Anita was out the car and running over to her son, who met her half way between the two vehicles.

“Oh my boy! My boy!” she cried in elation pulling him into a hug, his tall frame bending to cuddle her in return. “You don’t visit your old mum enough young man.” she smiled, kissing his cheek as she held him. “Still smoking I see?” she frowned, “And who’s this with you?” she asked pulling away and looking over.

“Hey Anita.” Milly waved coyly walking over. Her face dropped.

“Oh my word, Matilda..” she stepped straight passed Ville and towards Milly, placing her hands on either side of her waist and looking at her. “You look stunning my dear, stressed though, but stunning. Where have you been? Oh…. come here!”

“How are you Anita?”

“I’m excellent, tell me though, why on earth are you near my awful son,” she shouted behind her, “without him being a corpse at your feet?” Milly looked to Ville who was greeting his father and shook her head.

“Long story.” she nodded and tapped her nose, Milly knew she was thinking she’d get it out of her over a cup of tea, but knew it wouldn’t go down as easily as that.

“It’s freezing out here, inside come on Kari, Ville.” she ordered, padding her way through the snow to the front door.

“Hello sweetheart, Kari smiled sweetly, planting a kiss on Milly’s cheek, so lovely to see you again. We’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.” she smiled graciously.

“Come on now!” Anita called again.

“I, uh.. I just need to get some things from the car. I’ll be in one second..”

“I’ll get the kettle on. Ohh, it’s so lovely to have you both here!” she grinned, opening the door and stepping inside.

“You go ahead Dad, just going to finish this up.” Ville motioned to his cigarette, though as soon as Kari closed the door he dropped it to the ground and met Milly in the car. “Like a bandaid sweetheart. Just follow my lead..” he squeezed her hand, she appreciated the reassurance. Gently she woke Oscar, smiling down at him as only a mother could.

“Baby bee, time to wake up.”

“Are we home?” he questioned, slapping a hand to his eye and rubbing harshly. Milly took his small hand away from his face and softly moved the hair that was irritating him out of his eye.

“No, no.. We’re meeting some very special people, are you going to be a good boy for me and Daddy?” he nodded. “Okay, come on.” she unbuckled him from his seat and grabbed Blinky before picking him up and carefully bringing him out of the car, balancing his small weight on her hip. Ville walked behind her just incase she happened to slip in the snow, but when they reached the door entered before her. The smell of the house was comforting, it was after all for many years her second home, it soothed her as her own parents house did. She could hear the chatter of his parents in the kitchen and followed Ville down the hall anxiously.

“Uh, Mum, Dad..” Ville said seriously, standing in the door frame.

“Darling, whatever is the matter, smile for god’s sake.” Anita laughed, placing a cup of tea in front of Kari who was stood with a paper at the kitchen bench, before returning to the stove.

“I have someone for you to meet.”

“Not another pet is it, you know what happened with the last one!” she laughed, her back still turned as Milly stepped into the kitchen. Kari’s cup fell from his hand to the bench, cracking into three as it met the solid surface. His expression in awe of the replica of his own son in front of him. “Kari! What on.. Oh my god.” she gasped, clamping her hand to her mouth, her eyes wide and disbelieving. She shook her head but continued to stare.

“Mummy.” he whimpered, confused as to their reactions.

“Oscar, this is your Mummo and Ukki.”