Bad Habits

That night I was laying in Johns bed on my laptop as he was on his own computer. I wore a pair of sweatpants and John's long sleeved Tom Petty shirt, John shirtless, only dressed in a pair of skinny jeans. He had some music playing from the computer, when the doorbell rang. He stood and jogged downstairs, and answered the door.

"Alyssa. Uh. Come on upstairs..."
I heard him from downstairs. I smiled and looked up at them as I heard them walk in. My smile disappeared when I saw Alyssa. I took in her appearance, blinking a few times hoping I was daydreaming. Too-short-short-shorts, and a crop top that showed too much of her incredibly flat and tan stomach. I glanced over at John who was clenching his jaw and avoiding Alyssa, as he quickly put a shirt on.

That bitch. I knew exactly what she was doing, because I did the same thing. She better keep her grubby little tan fingers away from John, or shits going down. I may not be able to take this girl on, but I know Nicole would be happy to slap a hoe for me.

I stayed silent almost the whole time, not really answering when John would try to include me in the project.
"I just want to get this done with tonight."
I hinted in a mumble, and John chewed on his bottom lip, reaching for my hand, but I quickly moved away.

After a long night of Alyssa flirting non stop with John, and John, oddly, flirting back some, the project was finished.

"Well, John, it's pretty late, do you mind driving me home?"
Alyssa asked with a dazzling smile. I rolled my eyes in disgust and John glanced over at me.
"I'm leaving."
I mumbled, slamming my laptop closed and storming out of his bedroom door. As I reached the front door, John ran out to the top of the staircase and looked down at me.
"I'll see you tomorrow..."
"Fuck off."
I said, and with that, I was out and heading down the road. I skipped my house and went one over to Nicole's, but every light in the house was turned off, so I ran across her hard and into my driveway, going up to the door and storming up stairs.

"Kat, what's wrong?"
I heard my mother call, but I ignored her question, throwing my laptop on my bed and ripping John's shirt off my body. I waded it up and threw it in my bathroom before grabbing one of my sweatshirts, pulling it over my head and going back downstairs.

"I'm taking the Jeep." I said as I grabbed the keys.
"Where are you going?"
"Kennedy's."
"It's midnight!"
"I know."
I mumbled as I practically ran out the door and to the Jeep. I jumped in and shoved the key in the ignition, backing out of the driveway and heading down the road to Kennedy's house.

When I got there, his parents were gone. I walked up to the door and knocked frantically until he came down and answered.
"What's wrong?"
He asked halfheartedly, and I walked in and upstairs to his room. He followed me up, before I turned to him, tears burning at my eyes.
"That stupid new bitch, Alyssa, is trying to get with John."
"How do you know?"
"She fucking came over in shorts shorter than Nicole shorts and a skimpy little crop top and was all over him and I think he likes her too and just--"
I stopped forming actual words after that, and collapsed on Kennedy's bed, tears dripping down my cheeks as sobs were forced out of my throat.
"Why do you think John likes her?"
He asked sitting next to me and rubbing my back.
"They were flirting with each other and just the way he looks at her. He looks at her better than he looks at me. It's like when she's around, his love for me never existed, and now he's taking her home and they're probably gonna kiss because John is fucking flawless and you can't not want to kiss him."
I cried, and Kennedy sighed, before pulling me into his lap.

"Did you know I love you."
"Yes."
"And do you know how long I'll love you?"
"I don't know."
I sniffled, and he brushed some hair from my tear soaked face.
"Forever. John said he'd love you forever, and a promise like that can't be easily broken, but if it is broken by him, know I'll be here waiting for you."
"Kennedy what am I gonna do?"
I started sobbing again, and his lips curled into a small smile.

"Well, the asshole side of me would tell you to give up on him, that he's not worth your time and that I would make sure you'd be ten times happier with me, but you're also my best friend, so I should give you real advice. Don't give up. Fight for him. If you're really here crying to me and are really this upset about just some innocent flirting, then go get him back and make sure he doesn't think about another girl."
"I don't know how to do that. She's beautiful. She would look perfect with John."

"Are you kidding me? You and John are like a match made in heaven."
"No, Kennedy. She's from California. John fucking LOVES California girls. You should have seen his eyes when she told him she was from California. I'm gonna loose him."
"Okay, well, are you gonna let him break up with you, or are you gonna break up with him."
"I don't know. I don't have a good enough reason yet. Not unless he cheats on me or something. Again. God, he's such a fucking asshole."
I said, cradling my head in my hands.

"Kat, you know the first time wasn't his fault."
"It hurt though."
"If he really hurts you this much, maybe you should leave him."
"But I love him."
I whispered, and Kennedy rolled his eyes.
"My God, then I don't know what the fuck you're going to do! Make a damn decision. He's just a guy."
He almost yelled, and I looked up into his eyes with an expression of hurt. He sighed, then wiped away my tears before holding me close to his body and kissing my head.
"I'm sorry."
"I don't know what to do."
"Neither do I."

As I stared up at Kennedys beautiful face, I started to smile a little.
"I want to kiss you."
I said, and he looked down at me, his lips curling into a smile.
"Then kiss me."
"I can't. Not yet at least."
"Will you sleep with me then?"
"Depends. What do you mean by sleep with you?"
"Will you lay down and fall asleep with me?"
"Yes."
I said with a smile.

Kennedy turned off his bedroom lights as I slipped into his bed. When I felt his weight next to me, I wiped away the last of my tears, then turned. His soothing scent immediately rushed into my nose. He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close to his body as he planted a kiss on my forehead.
"You smell like John."
He said, a hint of disgust in his voice.
"I was wearing his shirt earlier."
"Take your clothes off."
"Ken."
I sighed as he tugged on my shirt.
"Your extra bottle of perfume is over here in my dresser. Take your clothes off."
He said again, and I stood.
"Give me one of your shirts."
"You can't sleep in your bra?"
"No."
I said, a little giggle escaping my lips. Kennedy sighed, then stood.
"Fine."
He groaned as he went to his dresser and pulled out one of his v necks. He grabbed my bottle of perfume, then laid the shirt and bottle on the bed. I pushed my sweatpants off my hips, them falling to the floor. I kicked them to the side before pulling my shirt over my head and throwing them on my sweatpants.

Kennedy watched me, his eyes sparkling as a smile played on his lips.
"I want you so bad."
He mumbled, and I tried not to smile as I pulled his shirt on. I spritzed my perfume on my chest, then slid back into bed next to Kenny.
"You know, you're a hypocrite."
Kennedy said as I wrapped my arms around his neck.
"I know. I'm so hurt about John liking another girl, yet I'm here laying in bed with you."
"Exactly."
"I'll be back."
I mumbled, sitting up. I grabbed my sweatpants and pulled them back on, before going downstairs and walking out of the door, to my Jeep. I drove back to my neighborhood, then pulled up next to Johns house. I stared down at my steering wheel, contemplating my feelings and whether I should be doing what I was about to do. I sighed, then got up, and shakily walked up to Johns door, knocking on it.

"Kat! Are you mad at me?"
John asked after pulling open the door.
"No. I'm mad at myself. I'm a hypocrite, and that's why we can't... Be together anymore."
"What?"
John gasped, his eyes wide and his brow furrowed.
"Why? You're wearing Kennedy's shirt. It's because of him isn't it? I knew you always loved him more than me."
"John, that's not the case--"
"Yes it is. You're leaving me for him. You know what? Fine. Go. I don't fucking care anymore. I don't care about the tears you've cried over me. I don't care about the love you felt for me, if you ever really did feel love. I don't care anymore. Your words mean nothing to me. I don't care about you. So go, have fun with Kennedy. I hope he makes you happy since I obviously didn't."
He almost yelled, before slamming the door. I bit my bottom lip, forcing back burning tears before turning and walking back to my car. I drove back to Kennedys house, then went back upstairs to his room, collapsing on his bed.

"I broke up with him."
"Why?"
Kennedy asked, sitting up.
"I couldn't take it anymore. I'm such a hypocrite. I've cried over him too many times, yet I do the exact same things and expect an apology to work. I'm done hurting him. I care too much about him, but he doesn't for me."
I said, my voice cracking as I blinked back the tears that filled the brim of my eyes.
"Of course he cares about you."
"No he doesn't."
"What makes you think that?"
"He said he didn't."
"What?"
Kennedy almost gasped, and I shook my head.
"It doesn't matter."
Kennedy sighed, then laid down, pulling me next to him.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"
He asked, brushing my hair out of my face of caressing my cheek.
"No."
"Why not?"
"I don't want to cry."
I said with a half hearted, fake chuckle. Kennedy laid his hand on my hip and kissed my nose, laying his forehead against mine.

*****

After Alyssa asked for a ride home, Kat had stormed off. She must have been mad, but why?
"Um... Sure."
I mumbled, standing up and grabbing my keys from my desk. I pulled on my shoes, then led Alyssa downstairs. I helped her into my truck like the gentleman I was raised to be, then got in myself. She told me where her house was and I followed her directions. I got out and helped her out, then walked her up to her door.

"Thanks John."
She said with a breath taking smile, before leaning in and kissing my cheek. I stood there, stunned as she turned and walked into her house. After a minute, I turned and walked back to my car. On my drive home, my mind lingered on her soft lips. I sighed as I pulled into my driveway, and sauntered up to my front door. I went over to my dads stereo and turned on some Tom Petty, keeping it quiet, as I went to the kitchen and grabbed a water bottle from my fridge. I sat on my counter, singing softly to the song and staring blankly at the floor. I heard a knock on my door and stood, going over to it and opening it to see Kat.

"Kat! Are you mad at me?"
I asked, clenching my doorknob.
"No. I'm mad at myself. I'm a hypocrite, and that's why we can't... Be together anymore."
"What?"
I gasped, my eyes wide and my brow furrowed from shock.
"Why? You're wearing Kennedy's shirt. It's because of him isn't it? I knew you always loved him more than me."
"John, that's not the case--"
"Yes it is. You're leaving me for him. You know what? Fine. Go. I don't fucking care anymore. I don't care about the tears you've cried over me. I don't care about the love you felt for me, if you ever really did feel love. I don't care anymore. Your words mean nothing to me. I don't care about you. So go, have fun with Kennedy. I hope he makes you happy since I obviously didn't."
I yelled, feeling instant guilt as the words rushed from my bitter lips. I slammed the door, and ran upstairs to my room.

"What. The fuck. Did I just do?"
I asked myself out loud, before sighing and throwing myself on my bed.
"Kill me."
I mumbled, before yanking the blankets over my head and squeezing my eyes shut.

I wanted to cry. I felt like crying. But I'm a man, and men don't cry. She's just a girl, right? I don't know what I'm gonna do now.