Love the Loveless

It hurt when Jacky ran out yeah but I should have expected it. I should have lied and said it was someone else. I don't know why I said it was him. I guess I thought that he'd like me back. But yeah no. Look where I am now. Jacky wouldn't even look at me now.

I bit my lip an looked at Ryan. "So you guys really need a new bass player?" I asked and he nodded. I looked down and mumbled, "if you don't have a fill in within the next show I could play. I know quiet a bit an I've played for years." Ryan looked at me with wide eyes an slapped a hand against his head. "Why did you wait until now to tell?!" he asked and I shrugged. "I know three of the Falling In Reverse songs and all of the old Escape the Fate songs. I just have one problem. And that is that I don't have a bass with me." I said and Ronnie jumped up tackling me to the floor.

"You can really play?!" he asked and I nodded. He ran up and grabbed Mika's old bass and a small amp. "show us." he said and I sighed. I started to play Not Good Enough For Truth In Cliché.

And then Pick Up The Phone. Ronnie and Ryan nodded looking impressed enough. I looked over to Jacky hoping to get some reaction but he just stared blankly at the wall. "Okay I only know a few of the fir songs so I'm going to need a bit of help. Do you think you could get Derek to help me any?" I asked. And they looked to Jacky. "why not him? Aren't you both like best friends?" Ryan asked and I looked away from them tearing up slightly and shook my head slightly. I looked at him silently telling him I'd tell him what happened later and he nodded in understanding. Ronnie just looked confused. I sighed. "Just... I'll find it on the Internet.. Or I'll just listen to the songs on repeat then. Ryan hopped over and hugged me. I hugged back for a moment and walked back to the bunks where I was alone. Well almost. Derek was in his bunk but he doesn't matter. I sat in the back corner and sighed. I really shouldn't have had that dream. I shouldn't have played that bass.

I should have just died. Why did I pick the bar? Oh because usually people at a bar don't give a shit and are drunk maybe? Oh yeah that's why I chose there. I could have died then but no. The perfect guy had to come save my life. But then he couldn't just leave after I was at the hospital oh no no it doesn't work that way. No he had to be there the whole week I was in a coma. And I had to fall in love with him. And then I had to meet his bitch girlfriend who was cheating on him with his band mate. Then the night they leave I have to have a wet fucking dream and I had to tell him about it. And now he won't talk to me.

I set myself up for heart break. Wait no. HE set me up for heart brake. HE is the one that saved me. HE is the one that wouldn't leave. And HE is the one that made me fall in love. I hate him. But why do I still love him. More tears rolled silently down my cheeks and I sighed. I crawled into Ryan's bunk not wanting anything to do with last night and just lay there. Feeling numb and alone.