The Golden Gate Bridge

Gerard and I had never been the most likely couple. I had blonde hair, blue eyes and the most coveted figure in high school. Gerard had black hair, hazel eyes and still had his puppy fat. I was head cheerleader and he was the biggest outcast I’d ever known. Despite that, we knew we had something between us when we were teamed up for an art project in junior year and we got to know each other, but with how the high school hierarchy went we knew better than to admit or show it. We settled for msn, secret texts/meet ups and the occasional smile at each other in the hallway. We were both okay with that, but we both longed for a time where we could walk hand in hand down the sidewalk without being publicly ostracised.
When high school was finally over, our first thought was to get out of New Jersey and move to New York City. I can remember holding Gerard’s acceptance letter into Art University and feeling so proud I thought I would burst. That weekend we moved into a small loft that my mother had bought for us. It had only one bedroom, a small kitchen and a toilet/bathroom, but we loved it. At first we slept apart, but then we figured we had known each other, and had been unofficially dating, for about three years so we were comfortable enough to sleep in the same bed.
Gerard started his classes almost immediately while I scrounged around for work. Vogue eventually came up to me and asked if I would do some modelling work for them and I accepted. Gerard and I spent most of our time away from each other but all it served to do was make our bond stronger.
During Gerard’s third year in Art school he started mixing with the wrong crowd, which resulted in alcohol and drug addiction as well as a crippling wave of depression which resulted in many nights consoling Gerard and keeping him from killing himself. He struggled with it for three years before he started a punk rock band called My Chemical Romance after witnessing the September 11 attacks.
They’ve made two albums so far and are currently touring America, and I couldn’t be more proud and happy for Gerard, this band saved his life.

I hummed quietly as I got myself ready for bed. I pulled on a small, thin tank top and I nicked a pair of Gerard’s clean boxers and pulled them up so they would rest on my hips before grabbing a giant hoodie of Gerard’s. I tugged it over my head giggling slightly as it completely dwarfed me. At the moment Gerard was somewhere in California, living it up as a huge rock star. I was a bit worried though; Gerard was starting to have his moments again where he sank back into depression. I made him promise to call me the second he started thinking like that though and so far he had kept his promise.
I climbed into the double bed and grabbed Gerard’s pillow, resting my head while softly inhaling his scent. I missed him terribly when he went on tour, but it made him so happy I never mentioned anything about it. I also didn’t want to be the obsessive, controlling girlfriend, because, well…everyone hates those kinds of girls. I yawned into the pillow and snuggled under the blanket, my eyes closing and for once, I fell asleep almost straight away.

“Well let’s go back to the middle of the day that starts it all,
I can’t begin to let you know just what I’m feelin’,
And now the red ones make me fly,
And the blue ones help me fall,
Well I think I’ll blow my brains against the ceiling!
And as the fragments of my skull begin to fall,
Fall on your tongue like pixie dust,
Just think happy thoughts…”
Invading the warm space of my dream was Frank’s ringtone. Frank was the rhythm guitarist in My Chemical Romance and a good friend of both Gerard and I.
“Hello?” I murmured groggily.
“Sierra?!” Frank called out, his voice high in panic.
I knew instantly something was wrong, just by the tone of his voice.
“Frank? What’s going on?” I asked, more awake and sitting up in bed.
“Sea! I’m sorry! I’m so fucking sorry!” Frank babbled.
The blood rushed to my head and my stomach sank.
“FRANK!” I yelled, slightly panicky myself.
“We lost him, Sea… we have no idea where he is…” Frank whispered.
Tremors shook my hands and I could feel a hysterical scream building up in my throat. I clenched my fist tightly to stop it; digging my nails into my palm.
“What do you mean ‘you lost him’?” I asked cautiously.
“W-well, we went out drinking after a show, like we do, a-and I don’t know what happened! One minute he was with us the next he was gone! He hadn’t had a very good day; the show sucked, Mikey blew up another toaster, our tour manager yelled at him and he was really hung over and, and… he’s gone… he won’t answer his cell and he didn’t leave a note!” Frank was now starting to sound hysterical and I had such a head rush that there was nothing I could say to him.
I had a sinking feeling in my gut and I could feel my throat go dry.
“Frank. I’m getting on a plane tonight. I’ll be in California tomorrow. If you find Gee… tell him I’m coming,” I said softly.
“O-okay…” Frank stuttered.
“And Frank, keep looking. Check the bars, clubs, hotels, beaches, shops, EVERYWHERE!” I said, scrambling out of bed while grabbing a small backpack and stuffing it with whatever clothes I could grab.
“Okay… we will… I promise,” Frank responded.
“Good luck, I’ll see you soon Frankie,” I said, ending the call.
I threw my phone into the hoodie’s pocket and I grabbed my purse, throwing it in the bag before going into the closet and pulling out my piggy bank. It was meant to be for my dream house, the one I’d fantasised about owning since I was a little girl. I needed cash to be on hand though and there was about three thousand in here. I tossed it into my backpack, then grabbing the keys to our loft; I ran out and locked the door behind me.

I flew down the steps, too impatient to wait for the elevator, and on the last step I tripped and went sprawling to the floor. I grumbled to myself and hauled myself to my feet.
“TAXI!” I screamed, when I got out of the apartment.
I was rather lucky, it was about three in the morning so there was no traffic, and a cabbie just happened to be dropping off a drunk neighbour. I ran over to the taxi and climbed in, only seconds after the drunk had staggered out.
“Please, please, please, take me to the airport! I’ll pay you extra!” I gasped out.
The cabbie looked at me and grunted but pulled out, starting off towards the airport. I sighed in relief and pulled out my phone. I dialled a familiar number and waited.
“This is Gee. I’m out either singing or spending time with my amazing girlfriend, so leave a message and I’ll call you back!”
“Gee! Please, please, please, call me back! I’m so worried about you! I’m actually on my way to the airport right now and I’ll be in California in just a few hours. I hope you’re okay… I love you,” I sighed and hung up the phone.
I chewed on my lip impatiently before looking out to see where we were.
“We’re only about fifteen minutes away miss,” the cabbie grunted when he saw me looking.
I nodded and sat back, my leg jiggling anxiously. I wondered where Gerard was and I scrunched my face up when I felt a single tear leak out from under my eyelid. The only problem with closing my eyes was the collage of images depicting Gerard’s death flashing before my eyes.
I fought back a sob and chewed even more viciously at my lip. It was a habit Gerard both loved and hated in me. He loved it because when I did it unconsciously…and when I wasn’t panicking, apparently I looked hot and it usually resulted in Gerard sweeping me off my feet and kissing me until we were out of breath. But he hated it because he was worried that it’d get infected or something, he told me that he used to get sick really easy as a kid so I guess his fear wasn’t completely unjustified.
I loved it when Gerard told me stories of his childhood. His family was so close, and they were all such characters. I loved his family to pieces. Don’t get me wrong, my parents weren’t spawns of Hell or anything, but we weren’t that close. I think my mother liked to think we were, but in reality we weren’t close at all. My parents were the sort of people who figured they could buy happiness. The Way’s were so different from that. They were actually kind of on the poorer side, but they had a better time together than I’d ever had with my parents.
“Miss, we’re just arriving at the airport now,” the cabbie said to me through the rear view mirror.
I snapped out of my thoughts and looked out the window to see he was right.
“Oh! Thank you so much!” I gushed gratefully.
I immediately dug into my bag and pulled out my piggy bank. I pulled out three one hundred dollar bills and gave them to him as we pulled up.
“Wait!” he protested after me, but I ignored him and raced into the airport terminal.

I rushed up to the ticket desk, and the woman behind looked up in alarm.
“Please! I need a flight to California, tonight! It’s an emergency!” I panted.
“Oh… er, there’s not another flight leaving for another three hours…” she informed, after checking her computer.
“I can’t wait three hours! He might be dead by then!” I burst out.
She looked startled at my outburst and then looked me up and down. I looked down and realised I’d forgotten to change back at the loft. I guess it looked like I had nothing on underneath Gerard’s hoodie.
“Please… I have money, cash. If there’s another plane that’s doing a crossover or something? Please! It’s really important!” I was almost in tears now and she looked around surreptitiously before leaning forwards.
“Strictly speaking this is against the rules, but there’s a plane leaving in five minutes. I’ll book you a ticket and you can go then,” she said.
“Thank you! Thank you! God bless you!” I breathed.
I pulled out my piggy bank again, digging into it and as she slid the ticket over I gave her a fistful of money.
“Miss! This is more than necessary!” she spluttered.
“Keep it as a tip!” I laughed, grabbing the ticket and my piggy bank, stuffing them both into my bag.
“Bless you child. Good luck, and you’re at Gate Thirteen!” she called after me as I started racing off again.

I ran to the correct gate and pulling out my ticket I handed it to the woman to check it off. She gave me a quick once over and handed me back my ticket.
“Have a nice flight,” she offered.
“I’ll try,” I laughed as I trotted onto the plane.
I flopped in my seat and gave a huge heave. Sweat was sticking my hair to my face and I was completely parched. I wanted to pull Gerard’s hoodie off, but I realised I didn’t have a bra on… that would just be awkward for everyone around me. I grabbed my phone and as per the rules of the airport, switched it off. I buckled myself in and waited, closing my eyes.

“Miss, we’re starting our descent now,” a voice said, shaking my shoulder slightly.
I yawned and looked up to see a stewardess and I nodded.
“Okay, thanks,” I said groggily.
I guessed that after I’d gotten my much needed bottle of water I’d fallen asleep. I shrugged, that was the best way to make use of the time that I couldn’t do anything in. I yawned again and rubbed the crusty sleep from my eyes. I looked around to see other sleepy passengers being woken up and I groaned. I looked out at the window and saw the cheerful sun bright in the sky. I grumbled quietly as the sunlight stabbed me in the eye.
“It’s a bitch, isn’t it?”
I looked beside me to see a guy about eighteen years old looking at me.
“That it is,” I grumbled.
The guy smiled at me before looking me over a couple of times. I was starting to get sick of that.
“Hey, if you were going to kill yourself, where and what would you do?” I asked him randomly.
The look of shock in his eyes was absolutely priceless.
“What the hell?! Why the hell are you going to do something as stupid as that? You’re gorgeous! And you’ve gotta have friends who really care about you and a family—”
I laughed, cutting his little rant off.
“I’m not committing suicide… but my boyfriend might be… but I have to find him. I’m from New York see, and I’ve never been to Cali before and I have to find him and stop him before he kills himself!” I was breathing heavier at the end of it and I bit my lip harshly in an effort to hold back my emotions.
“Oh. Well, if I were him I’d just jump off the Golden Gate. Simple. Plus, no one can really stop because it’s a highway. And I’d get the lovely sensation of flying or weightlessness before it’s all over,” he said.
I nodded… that was certainly something to think about.
“Gee would love to feel weightless and he’d love to fly…” I mused.
Something in my gut told me that he was going to throw himself off the Golden Gate.
“I think… that’s exactly what he’ll do…” I sighed.
I bit my lip as tears filled my eyes once again; I worried about whether he’d done it already and I started to sniffle. I couldn’t think of a life without Gerard, he was everything to me. He kept me strong, he kept me alive, and he kept me believing in myself.
“Hey, it’s okay. You’ll get to him in time, don’t worry. I’ve been thinking… I’m from Cali and my uncle owns a shipping business. Maybe we get four of his tug boats then between them, set up a net about ten feet in the air. Kinda like in a circus; so that if he falls or jumps, he’ll be caught. Or it’ll at least break his fall enough to keep from killing him,” he soothed.
I looked at him, touched by the kindness in this boy.
“Thank you… thank you so much,” I whispered as I hugged him.
“No problem,” he replied.

About an hour later I was in the back of a cab and we were driving onto the Golden Gate Bridge. The guy and I had parted ways at the airport, with him promising to be under the bridge in an hour or so with the net.
I scanned ahead of the car desperately searching for Gerard, when finally I saw him. He was standing on the edge, holding onto the post next to him. I’d told myself that, when the time arose, I would be kind to the cabbie and at least tell him to pull over a bit before jumping out, but seeing Gerard up on that railing threw politeness right out the window. I flung open the door and ignoring the honking, screeching and swearing, I hurled myself out of the car.
I landed heavily against the railing and gripped onto it as tight as I could to avoid being run over by cars. The morning sun beat down savagely on me and in Gerard’s hoodie I could feel the temperature rise. Speaking of Gerard…
“GEE!” I screamed, climbing up to my feet.
“GEE!”
I started crabbing sideways as fast as I could to avoid getting hit. My eyes were permanently fixed on the person who changed my life for better. I saw him look up at the sky and I reached out for him.
“GEE, YOU FUCKWIT!” I screamed desperately.
I saw him look across at me and I saw shock come across his face as he saw me crabbing towards him, about fifty centimetres away from the cars speeding past me.
“Sea?!” he yelled incredulously.
“Gerard! Please! Get down!” I pleaded as I came closer.
I stopped crabbing when I got to him and I reached up for his hand.
“Please, Gee. Come down! You have too much to live for!” I cried.
He looked away and I saw the sun glisten on the tear tracks on his face.
“Sea… I can’t… I just can’t…” he said, it sounded like he was pleading for me to understand.
“Gee… please… I love you… Please, you are the most important thing in my life! I need you Gee! I just don’t work right without you! Please! Just come down from there…” I begged.
My throat was tight and my tears were making the same path as Gerard’s. I was so scared; this wasn’t like the other times. He was swaying slightly on the rail, and I was worried that he was going to slip.
“Sea, I can’t. It all hurts so much! My drinking, my drugs, my behaviour… I see all the looks they give me behind my back… And I deserve it… I wanted to help and give but I can’t! All I can do is fuck up! All I ever do is fuck up! What kind of fucking role model am I?” he was basically sobbing by this point.
His shoulders were shaking and I could see tears running down his cheeks. I felt my heart tighten at the sight of them; all I wanted to do was bundle him up in my arms and shower him in kisses until he realised how much he meant to me.
“Gee, love; I want you to listen very closely to what I am going to say. I love you. I love everything about you. You’re beautiful; you have a wonderful, caring soul and you want to give so much. You have flaws, but you’re just human! You’ve gotta move on. Quit the drinking and the drugs, forgive yourself and move on. That’s the only way you’ll be happy… Every day is a brand new day free of mistakes,” I tried to make him understand.
His shoulders shook with what were now full blown sobs and he just shook his head and gripped the post tighter.
“I’m so alone and no one understands me… I can’t do it… and this is the only way I can be free…” he said quietly.
“Help me understand, talk to me… it’s what I’m here f-for…” I begged with him, my voice breaking on the last word.
Gerard looked down at me with such a heartbreakingly sad look and I wiped my tears away.
“Please Sea, don’t cry. It’s almost a crime when someone as beautiful as you cries…” he whispered.
I squeezed his hand and looked at the ground. Time to bring out the big guns.
“Gee, it’s not just that… I don’t want to die…” I whimpered.
Gerard froze before turning to me, with a confused look.
“What?” he asked.
I swallowed hard and pulled out a sheet of paper and held it out to him. He pulled his hand out of mine and took it, reading it out loud.
“‘I, Sierra Charlotte Katsberry, solemnly swear on my dream house, that should Gerard Way ever take his life, I will go with him.
‘I, Gerard Arthur Way, solemnly swear on my comic books, that should Sierra Katsberry ever take her life, I will go with her…’” He trailed off, and shook his head.
“We wrote that in school, but I stick by it. I don’t want to die, but you are the most important thing in the world to me, and I don’t break promises to you,” I said.
Gerard looked at me and he sighed and gave me a hand.
“Hop up then,” he murmured.
I was shocked. I had thought that would stop him for sure. I raised my trembling hand and put it in his. I meant it when I said I didn’t want to die. I looked at him terrified and I stepped up onto the rail. I looked down and my eyes widened. There was no net!
I gulped and looked at Gerard. He looked so sad, as if the very spirit of his soul had been ripped away from him.
“G-Gee? Please! Come down. You’re just upset, wait it out an hour, a day, a night, a week,” I whimpered.
“I’ve waited a week…” he said softly.
As much as I tried to staunch it, hurt blossomed a tiny flower in my body when he said that. He was meant to talk about these feelings with me.
“Gee… you should’ve told me,” I whispered aghast.
He shook his head.
“I didn’t want to worry you. I’m not that important…” he murmured, looking down at the ocean.
I shook on the rail slightly and I fought to keep my balance. I then screamed as Gerard began to turn around so that he was facing the cars and I was facing the ocean.
“Shh! It’s okay, I’m balanced, don’t worry,” he soothed, pulling me as close as he could.
I leaned into him, trembling, and he kissed my temple.
“I wish it could be another way, you’re the most precious person in the whole world, and I wouldn’t ever want to live a life without you. You’re amazing,” he whispered in my ear.
I looked up at him and he looked down at me. His hazel eyes looked so infinitely sad, it made me cry more. He pressed his lips to mine softly, causing me to sigh and my heart skip a beat, before suddenly forcefully shoving me back onto the ground and throwing himself off backwards.
“GEE!” I screamed, my voice hitting new decibels.
Without a second thought for my life I stood up from the ground and leapt over the edge, diving for Gerard.

For the longest moment I felt so completely free it was unreal. The wind was blowing my hair back and forcing me to shut my eyes. For the briefest moment it felt like I truly was flying, before I wondered if it was going to hurt.
“SIERRA!”
I squinted my eyes open and I saw Gerard suspended below me, spread out like an eagle. I then realised he had stopped moving and was suspended above the water.
“Look out!” I screeched and Gerard barely had the time to roll away before I hit elastic-y string, criss-crossed into a net.
I bounced back up slightly before I crashed back into Gerard. He looked shocked as I landed on him.
“Oops! Sorry,” I apologised.
“What? What’s going on?!” Gerard exclaimed.
I grabbed onto the net and I realised why I hadn’t been able to see it; it was exactly the same colour as the water below it. A horn sounded to my left and I looked over to see the plane guy waving at me. I waved back and turned to Gerard.
“I met a guy on the plane and he offered me a net. I said yeah, because I… because I don’t want you to die,” I explained, my voice going softer.
“So… if you knew there was a net… why did you dive after me?” Gerard asked.
I bit my lip and looked at my hands.
“I… didn’t actually. When I was up there I looked down but I couldn’t see the net. It blended in with the water… I actually thought I was gonna die,” I mumbled.
Gerard’s hand came up to cup my cheek and he kissed me softly.
“You really would have followed me…” he whispered, after pulling away.
“I love you Gerard… and I don’t wanna live in a world without you, you’re what keeps me going,” I admitted.
For the first time that day I saw him smile and I saw the spark that was missing return again and I smiled back.
“I love you too… you crazy fucken woman,” Gerard laughed.
“Takes one to know one.”
Gerard just shook his head and tilted my head up to kiss me again.