The Golden Gate Bridge - Comments

Well, the first thing I noticed about this story was the spacing. It was really close together and the paragraphs weren't separated, so it felt like I was reading one giant, long paragraph. Maybe that's something you could look into fixing, just for reading purposes.

Overall, I thought the story was pretty good. But, like ChristianMora said, it was a little cliche. Not the prep/outcast thing. I guess one could consider that a cliche but I think nowadays that isn't done quite as much. So, I was okay with that part. But the saving the melancholy rockstar from suicide thing may be a little too overdone. Also, the net thing seemed to me really unrealistic. I realize that this is a story and it doesn't have to be realistic, but still. But besides that, it was a pretty good idea.

Good luck in the contest!

I usually don't read fanfics, and I've kept myself away from things written about musicians, but this was pretty good :)

Gerard's line in the summary reminds me of that line from the song "I Will Follow You Into the Dark." :3 I have no idea if that's where this is going; I'm typing as I read (live-commenting is fun) but I just thought I'd put that out there. It's a great song, and if this story is going where I think it might go, it fits really well.

I like how you tie in real life events of Gerard's life and MCR's inception with Sierra's relationship with him. I mean, I know most bandfics tend to do that anyway, but your mention of: I was a bit worried though; Gerard was starting to have his moments again where he sank back into depression was perfect because I remember him going through that period of depression (I'm a huge My Chem fan so this all is really familiar to me, haha). It was subtle but that made it really work because you weren't shoving it in the reader's face like "LOOK, HE'S DEPRESSED AGAIN." The passing comment was well done.

Is it weird that I kind of liked the random guy she spoke on the plane with? I dunno why, just the way he so nonchalantly talks about "oh well yeah, Golden Gate is a good place for suicide" was kind of amusing, in this morbid way. /rambling

AHA, I knew I liked the random plane guy for a reason :D That's really cool that he came through with what he said; not too many people would do that.

Overall, I enjoyed this story - the pacing was fast but not too crazy where I couldn't keep up, and there was a lot going on where it didn't drop off and get boring. I think aside from what other commenters already said, one thing I'd like to add in terms of concrit is I would've liked to have seen Sierra's and Gerard's relationship. There's a big info dump in the beginning about how they went to high school and did that art project, and how Gerard went to college, etc. etc., but we never actually get to see them grow together or do "couple-y" things with each other. I think if you can depict that, it'll make their double suicide attempt all the more powerful, because they talk to each other near the end about how much they love each other but we never really see it.

Other than that, though, I liked this a lot :) Plane-guy was my favorite, haha. Good luck in the contest!

From the description, I had a feeling this was going to be quite a sad story. Like, I thought they were going to die D:

There could have been more detail throughout this. I want to know about the small things in their loft. Like, how the carpet felt, or that when the windows were open the breeze would flow right through the place. I wanted to know how the wind felt against her cheeks as she was running towards Gerard on the bridge.

"I climbed into the double bed and grabbed Gerard’s pillow, resting my head while softly inhaling his scent."
Like here, I wanted to know what it was that she smelt and why she liked it.

This feels too much like a documentary at times where the only thing linking the story is the characters. Like, there's no build up of a plot for the first half of the story. It feels like it's not headed anywhere and it's just describing their lives for the hell of it.
I think, perhaps, that if you'd have had Sierra explain throughout the start of this that she felt she was drifting from Gerard, or that she was worried about the odd comment he'd made of wanting to kill himself, or of not talking about how he felt, or whatever, that it could have helped :)

Sierra's actions kinda annoy me towards the end. Personally, I'd let Gerard's drunken ass find ME, haha. I think she overreacted and I think she was then wrong to put herself outside of the 'obsessive girlfriends' group lol.
But then I guess he WAS actually trying to kill himself... I just think that with what she knew of the situation, that she had no reason to jump to such conclusions and should have received a call at home the following morning as she sat in his underwear wearing his hoodie drinking from his favourite coffee mug that he'd killed himself.
But that's so morbid. D:

On a random note, it would be nice to be able to board a plane that quickly :P Especially whilst only half dressed and in hysterics haha.

Your spelling and such is really good :) You need to double space your lines when you post online though, because the sentences smear together for people like me who are reading this at 3:30AM haha.

I've read above that someone thought this was a cliched/stereotypical story and I guess it is, but sometimes there's nothing wrong with a cliche. I've read a lot of horrible stories that use this same plot, and yours isn't one of them :) You did it justice, I think.

This story fit into the category of stereotypical just in content alone.
It really wasn't my kind of story.
And with what ^darkfallenangel said, the spacing made it harder to read.
It was all together and smushed and just not together.

But her being a prep, and him being an outcast.
Her being a model.
Her saving him from suicide.
It just felt too cliche to me, and I'm not trying to be mean.
It's just not my cup of tea.

That being said, good luck in the contest.

So the first thing that I notice is that there's no double spacing between paragraphs, which makes it seem like a huge amount of text that I don't really want to attempt to read.... It would have been better to double space every time for a new paragraph. If you want to show a difference between things like memories or something that's not the present, etc, you can put it in italics, or separate it with an image or some symbols. That way it will look tidier.
I like how you used the word 'ostracised' - that's a new one for me lol
I also liked how it was all happy and typical love story, and then all of a sudden, bam! Drug addiction. Sadness. Good contrast.
They’ve made two albums so far and are currently touring America, and I couldn’t be more proud and happy for Gerard, this band saved his life. - the second comma should be a semicolon. You can look into how to use semicolons if you want; they're quite handy. :)

However, I'm not too keen on the boarding the plane part. I'm pretty sure airport employers wouldn't let anyone do that, and if a plane's about to take off in 5 minutes, people aren't allowed to still be boarding. So perhaps when you're writing you should try to make things as realistic as possible, if you're wanting the story to seem real.
Also, when we get to the bit when she's wondering where he'll be, it was really obvious because of the title. In my opinion, the title ruined the surprise of where the last scene would take place, and because it's so intense because it's suicide, I wouldn't have given it away before the story started. But that's just my opinion.
The morning sun beat down savagely on me and in Gerard’s hoodie I could feel the temperature rise. Speaking of Gerard… - that last part was really unnecessary. I felt like it ruined the intensity and importance of the scene, because there's no way she'd be thinking that as she rushes over to stop him from jumping. It's not panicking at all.
I think the ending was sweet, and not as obvious once she couldn't see the net and us readers thought it wasn't there. Though I do wonder if she would have truly been happy if the net wasn't there, or if she was just panicking in the moment......

But anyway.... That's way more con crit than I expected to give, so I hope it's useful! :)
Good luck in the contest. :)

Wow, that was amazing! I loved it! I have tears in my eyes, holy moly!