Love and Other Lies

I went to see the babies today. They are doing really good and they said I can take them home in a few days. Gerard has decided to move in with me, seeing as I can't even take care of myself, let alone two new born babies. Tilleena has been super good, Gerard is getting her ready for.. for the funeral right now. I guess it's time to start getting dressed. He laid out a black tux and shiny shoes. I sipped everything on and didn't even bother to comb my hair. I sighed and walked into the living room. Gerard was sitting there talking to Tilleena and mom. They all looked up as I entered.

"Let's go, we'll be late if we wait any longer" I said, walking to the door. Everyone followed in silence. The ride to the mortuary was quiet. We walked into the procession and I took my seat in the front, Tilleena sitting beside me. The bishop said all of the great things about Anna, he blessed her, and then it was time for the viewing. Everyone but Tilleena and I got up. I'm not ready yet. Gerard came over and I asked him to take Tilleena to see her mom. He nodded and took her up to see her. I watched as she bent over in Gerard's arms. She put her little hand out and stroked her face. She sat back up in Gerard's arms, leaning against his shoulder. I burst into sobs while I watched her stroke her mother's face. Everyone has exited except me and the bishop. I stood and went to my wife. I cupped her face in my hand, my beautiful wife. I bent down and kissed her lips one last time. I felt my tears slip off of my face. I stood back up, wiping my tears from her cold face.

"Goodbye" I whispered, turning on my heel and walking out of the room. We all got back into the car, going to the cemetery. Again the car was utterly silent, until Tilleena started softly singing.

'Sunday is gloomy, my hours are slumberless
Dearest, the shadows I live with are numberless
Little white flowers will never awaken you
Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you

Angels have no thoughts of ever returning you
Wouldn't they be angry if I thought of joining you?'

She sang in a small, sad voice. No one noticed that the car had stopped moving. We were here, but to preoccupied by the small enchanting voice. She looked up like she was coming out of a trance and grabbed my hand. We made our way up to the grave where they had already brought her casket and set it in, ready to be lowered. I took a deep shaky breath. The bishop once again blessed her and they began to lower her. I was not the only one sobbing. Tilleena turned to me and signaled that she wanted picked up, I did as she wished. I held her as they lowered her mother. I was handed a red rose, which I gave to Tilleena. I walked to the edge of the grave and she tossed it on top of the lid of the casket with great care. I stepped back so others could do the same. They handed me a little bit of dirt to throw in, I tossed it in, which made me bawl even harder. Tilleena put her head on my shoulder and soon fell asleep. I took one more look at my wife and turned away, heading to the car.

~One year later~

It's been a year since I laid my wife to rest. Tilleena had a hard time adjusting to her mother not coming home for a while, but is doing much better. Gerard has married and returned to his home. I had my hands full with the twins and Tilleena, but it was worth it. Every once in a while I could get my mom to help, but Anna's brother's helped me more than anything. It's been hard for everyone to live without her, and I don't think it will ever get easier. But late at night, if I'm really quiet I swear I can hear her singing to the twins in the baby monitor. Even if that is of my imagination, I wouldn't trade it for the world.