Tiptoe Through the Tulips

“Merle’s the one who carried who out of Woodbury,” Beth said stiffly, sitting on the car bonnet next to me, as they still continued to argue about where to go, Merle. She pulled the sleeves of her jumper further down over her pale hands shivering slightly. I just sighed, it was beginning to grow dark and we hadn’t moved an inch further. Some of the clothes we had grabbed in that village where we had found Sophia were barely warming my sticky body, the blood still staining my thighs. “If Daryl goes with Merle...” Beth started, glancing at me.

“He won’t go alone with Merle, he isn’t stupid,” I snapped, wishing that my words were definitive. Daryl was putting up a very good fight for his brother, idiot as he was.
As much as in many ways he still repulsed me, knowing what he had been like, what he had helped the Governor do... he was strong. If we stayed with Martha, the others I still hadn’t spoken too we were a larger group, stronger than we had been since the prison.

It felt odd that we had only left the prison, well left was the wrong word, eight days ago.
Beth and I had sat there, worked it all out, we had been in the prison seven weeks. So long yet now it felt like no time at all. A week between the town with the religious nuts and the prison.
Three weeks at the farm.
Nine months since the outbreak, well no, ten since the first signs had begun, and from them... it spread so quickly, so efficiently. In that month the world had gone to shit.

Thirty days averaging a month.
Nine times that, two-hundred and seventy days.
Since the beginning of the end.
The majority of a year, funny how little time it took for the world to end.
That is, if it had... back when it was starting when I was with Marc, Aaron, Ellie... people claimed it was only America, they fled to other countries.
Fled, and probably spread whatever it was.
A natural disease? Warcraft, poison in the water.
Who knew?
And really, who cared anymore?

“This is getting ridiculous.” I moaned, rubbing a hand over my eyes, I still felt ill, shaky, nauseaus, even though the clothes had warmed me, and Daryl had glared at me until I had eaten something.

“Enough,” Maggie suddenly yelled, stunning the cross men to silence, she turned to Glenn, “Daryl will leave if we don’t let him come with us. Safety in numbers, we know that.” I heard Merle chuckle from his unmoving spot close to the other car. “We don’t have to like him, he puts one foot outta line and he’s gone.” She turned to Daryl who observed his brother but nodded, waiting until Merle did the same.
“We need to get somewhere more covered for the night, we need to sort Rick out, Ariella out. Your damn pride has already wasted too much time. Michonne,” She jumped up from her spot close to us instantly, “We have a map?” A nod, “Well, lets see where we can get to before it gets pitch black, we can sort this shit out tomorrow once everyone has slept and calmed the hell down.” I grinned, biting my lip slightly as everyone moved out of her way.
T-dog had been observing, half on watch as always and he winked at me, “I’m going to go check on Rick okay?” Beth nodded, watching as her sister, Michonne, Glenn who still looked red even in the weaker light, Daryl and Seth crowded around the map, opened on the bonnet of the largest car.

“You alright Martha?” I asked, tapping slightly on the glass, she jumped, stirring slightly and nodded at me, Sophia still in her arms. Beth climbed in the car next to me, her exhaustion clear.
To be honest I didn’t understand how any of them were still standing, they had fed, eaten probably far too much of the limited food we had, drunk the majority of the water.
But, fuck knows what they had been through, and none of them were opening up.

“I never saw my brother as a cradle robber,” that southern drawl rang out,causing me to spin and walk slowly up to him.
“You never saw your brother as anything more than a clone of you. He is much more than that.” He opened his mouth and scoffed, chuckling slightly, “And you know him so well do ya? My own flesh and blood!”

“You’re lucky he still thinks flesh and blood counts for anything nowadays. And you’re lucky Maggie is in a decent mood.” He stopped laughing, pulling a more serious face, his lips rubbing together.
“I wanna live, like I said in that cell. If going with yous means that happens, and I get to be with my brother that’s what I’m gunna do.”
“Then you better behave,” I said, finally noticing how exhausted he looked, everything he had known for the last six months was destroyed, he was re-united with his brother but he had changed, became his own man.

“Thank-you for helping me in Woodbury,” I said stiffly a couple of minutes later, now aware that a couple of sets of eyes were on us. “No problem.” He said waving it off, pulling his hand down sharply and offering it to me. I glanced at it, then back to his missing limb, I leant forward, accepting its rough warmth around my own, “You got a lot of proving to do. And you gotta help Rick...you kept yourself alive, one way you’re gunna get trusted round here is if you do the same.” He nodded.

“You really think that old woman’s gunna last?” I shrugged, smiling slightly at my instant like of her,
“She’s survived this long. We all have in our own ways and for our own reasons.”
“You call this living?”
“I said surviving for a reason,” I called already heading towards the final car, not looking back at him.

______________________________

“How is he?” I asked Abed, having just formally introduced myself, receiving yet another handshake.
Funny how formal people could still be.
“I’m not an expert, but I don’t think it’s infected, the skin is red rather than black which I know is a good sign, you guys managed to stop the bleeding.” He added, glancing at Carl, who was sat next to the sprawled figure of his father, looking almost as ill himself.

“You need to sleep,” I said softly, pulling Rick’s hat from his head and dropping it into the trunk,
“I need to watch him, make sure he’s okay.” I nodded lightly, resting a hand on his shoulder as I slid in between him.
“You’ll be a lot more help once you’re more awake. You eat earlier?” he nodded, I know Abed had practically had to force him, “And there’s a lot more of us to watch him now, you’ve done so well already sweetie. You guys saved his life, now he just have to recover, and so do you.”

“What about you?” he said a little bitterly at my patronising tone, “You were with him for three days...”
“And I’m not fine either, but I spent half the day passed out so I’m a bit more awake.” I cut him off, moving my hand down so I was gently clasping his hand. “You’ve already done so well, but he can’t thank you for that if you’ve made yourself worry to death.” He flinched at the word and I regretted it instantly, biting my lip to stop my rambles.
“Sleep now, we’ll be moving in a bit and by tomorrow you’ll feel lots better.”
“And then we’ll sort out a plan? Get Dad better?” I nodded,
“That’s the plan.” He nodded, seeming slightly more at ease, relaxing against the window as I closed the door, turning back to Abed.

“Did we not have anything around we could give him?” He shrugged,
“Nothing strong enough for the pain.”
“We need to find a drugstore, some sort of village.” He nodded, “He’ll be okay though.” I confirmed, just as much for my own sanity, “Rick is tough as they come.”

“I hope so, after what Maggie said happened at the prison.” I flinched visibly, the image of Lori’s body falling so slowly, the image of her green flesh hung like a pig at the butchers in the cell. “Sorry,” I nodded slightly, smiling up at him, “I’m really glad you folks are okay, it was the Governor and his men that attacked us when we had a bigger group, I know Sasha and Seth were dying to get their own back.”

“I’m just glad to be out of there,” I said quietly, suddenly feeling him inside my head, all the things he had said about the group swirling through my mind, “You okay?”
“Yeah fine, just a bit woozy still.”
“I’m not surprised... It’s lucky your body didn’t overdose.”

“Not exactly the most heroic way to go in a zombie apolocolypse is it?” he frowned lightly,
“You all talk about it so lightly, like you just accept it.”
I turned to face him properly, the lines around his eyes no doubt premature, he wore a wedding ring.

“If you don’t accept it and try to make light of it you’ll lose yourself. As horrible and ridiculous as that sounds.”
“One day at a time?”

“And the quicker this day is over the better.”
_________________________

It was a strange group now, more mismatched than ever.
People I had known since the beginning, Daryl, Glenn, Andrea, Rick, Carl, T-dog.
All that was left of the original group.
Maggie and Beth, the sisters from the farm.
Michonne, the wanderer, who fit so well into this world.
Sophia, born into the wilderness.
Martha, Abed, Sasha and Seth...still strangers.
Merle.

Power wise, we had never had so much man power. So many weapons.
But we needed somewhere, like the farm, we needed our own Woodbury, our own fenced in slice of normality ( at least the way we would run it)
“This is cosy,” I commented lightly, the atmosphere between many of the others still high and sharp. Sophia made a gurgle of approval, now wide awake and leaning back against my stomach from my cramped position.
We had split into the three cars; Maggie had found a camp site about thirty miles away, thirty miles west to be precise.
The only direction we hadn’t already tried.
And that one step closer to home, not that there was a home anyway.

You accept it. It never stops hurting.

Daryl was driving, as he preferred it that way. We were in the largest car, with myself and Glenn uncomfortably close in the front, with a very unhappy Michonne, Maggie, Beth and Andrea in the back.
The others were in the smaller cars, Abed, Sasha, Rick, Carl.
Martha, Seth, Merle and T-dog in the other, crammed full of our stuff.
“So... am I right in assuming we’re trusting the others?” I asked, a few minutes later, driving slow to avoid detection, so we didn’t have to use the lights.

“What do ya mean?” Daryl drawled, eyes hard on the road.
“Do we trust them, Martha, Abed, Sasha...whatever his name is.”
“Seth,” Beth popped up from the back.

Daryl glanced at me, taking a minute to contemplate before nodding slowly, “Yeah I think we do.”
I turned around, Maggie and Andrea both nodding at me.
Michonne was silent as she had been the majority of the day, staring forward, finger shaped bruises around her wrists... my stomach turned.

“Rick is gunna get through this isn’t he?” Andrea’s voice rang out quietly, almost undistinguishable under the roar of the engine. The car was silent, we each knew the risks, having to adapt to one hand, now of all times.

“Course he is,” Daryl said definitively. Ending all conversation until we finally saw Abed who was up front make a right turn past a dirty and grafittied camp site sign, “He’s a touch motherfucka’”
_____________________________

Maggie and Sasha had first watch, but for everyone else the morning came too soon. I felt worse than I had the previous day, my throat burning, my limbs shaky.
“I think you’re coming down,” Abed commented almost cheerfully.
“Brilliant.” I complained, rubbing a hand against my forehead, my brain pounding against my skull.
“How did you sleep?” small-talk was rife, as everyone tried to get to grips with each other.

The campsite hadn't had the fence we had wanted, although it did have a waist height one around one of the smaller circles, and someone had obviously been here for a while as sharpened sticks were attached to every joint pointing outwards.
The cars had been parked in a circle, covering the gap at the back of the circle, and giving us a bit of cover, and people had split between sleeping in cars or in the random tents that the others had found in the superstore the day Beth and I had been taken.
Sadly, tents were as far as it went, and there were only two. But with only thin blankets we had picked up along the way and shoved in the car, it was the heat of the other people that stopped us from freezing.

“Babies cryin’” Merle said uncaringly, pointing with his one hand to the car where she had spent the night, wrapped up with Beth and Martha. I fought the urge to roll my eyes, my head stopping me from snapping.
Once again a number of people were gathered around our two maps, trying to plan a route.

But that wasn’t the most exciting news, that was that Rick was awake.
Properly awake, in pain but responding.
The darkness still hung in his eyes though.

I walked past the discussion, slightly irritated that my view was apparently no longer required.
“Hey sweetie,” I cooed- taking Sophia from a still half asleep Beth who went to stir, I shushed her, “It’s fine, make the most of it.” I joked, carrying the infant away from the car, rocking her in my arms. I frowned as I noticed something, carrying her to the other car and rifling one armed in the boot.

“Need a hand?” a voice asked and I turned, finally close enough to Seth to properly examine him, I took a second to nod, “I need a diaper if there are any in there,” he nodded, beginning to search and handing me one quickly, moving a pile of guns so I could place her on the underlay fabric and change her.

“Maggie said you found the baby.” I nodded, still uncomfortable around him, “That’s something not everyone would do,” I glanced at him and he nodded to her, “Decide to look after her.”
“Well it wasn’t like we were gunna leave her,” I argued, slightly offended as I threw the unwanted diaper on the floor.
He tutted, causing me to look at him again, “There’s a fifty dollar fine for littering’” I snorted, feeling the laughter building up until we were both in hysterics.
It wasn’t even funny.

“That was bad,” I said once we had calmed down, Sophia smiling at both of us, not understanding the noise she heard so rarely.
“I’m not even sorry,” he said, holding his hands up... he suddenly looked awkward again, “Anyway, I’m Seth, I don’t think we’ve spoken yet... since you’ve spent most of the time I’ve been aware of your existence either kidnapped or asleep,” I snorted again.
“Ariella, nice to meet you. How come you’re not part of the committee then? They let Sasha in quick enough,” I said, picking Sophia up and indicating to the backs of the people still bent over the map, once again arguing slightly.

“I’m real bad at reading maps,” he said, “I hadn’t been camping in my life before this.”
“City boy?” I asked, rocking Sophia on my hip, he nodded,
“ I was down in Miami when it kicked off, everyone rushed North when the coast collapsed, then I ended up around here.”
“I was in Florida before, we came on some crappy college bonding thing to the countryside...not too far from Atlanta.”
“What university were you at?” he asked, just making simple conversation.

“Costello...”
“School of arts?” he butted in, looking impressed, “Nice... that place was so exclusive.”
“And as you can see I’m making the most of that,” I teased playfully, offering T-dog a smile as he strolled past, preparing to go on look out.
Like I said, that guy is always on look out, but we had had a long talk the night before, and I felt a lot better for it.
Theodore was definitely one of my life-lines.

“What about you then? How old are you?”
“Twenty-Two, Nearly Twenty –Three... I think, I’m not really keeping up with the dates.” I nodded, and we moved so we sitting in the porch bit of one of the tents, able to see the decision making an dhear snippets of conversation.

“The coast isn’t safe, we know what.”
“Not West, we haven’t headed that way.
“We don’t wanna get stranded in the middle of nowhere there’s too much country...”

“What were you doing then?” I asked, blanking them out slightly, I just wanted them to decided, I wanted somewhere to appear on the map that was perfect, safe.
That was never going to happen.

“Carlos Albizu” I scoffed,
“And you said I was exclusive! What were you doing, Law?” he nodded and I breathed out overdramatically,
“Impressive.”
“Thanks.” I giggled lightly, Beth coming over and joining us shortly,
“Who’s on watch, Andrea and T-dog?” she nodded, taking Sophia so she lay across her legs. “I’m gunna go see if the wonder squad have sorted anything, be good you.” I said, pressing my finger lightly against Sophia’s nose who giggled.
“I’ll see what food we have for her.”

I walked quickly over to the others, pressing myself between Glenn and Sasha. Daryl was bent over the map making marks with a pen, Maggie and Michonne standing back slightly.
“You wanna go west?” I asked bluntly, looking at the lines.
“We’re running out of ways to go,” Michonne said just as blunt, tracing her finger along the map, “We can’t run to the coast, we could get trapped and there is no help.” I sucked in my cheeks.

“The only problem is how much country there is.”
“Which means it’s unpopulated,” Sasha chipped in, seemingly all for going West. I frowned slightly at her, she, as Martha has said was definitely a bit angry in general.
“But that doesn’t mean it’s walker free, and it means less towns which mean less supplies.”

“My point exactly,” Glenn said gesturing to me,
“But...” I added, “We’re running out of options, and at least that way it will be warmer over the winter, we can’t afford to be worrying about freezing to death.” Maggie frowned slightly,

“I’m worried about us going so far we can’t turn back, we need to stock up and...”
“Jesus, it’s fucking simple,” Sasha snapped, “We can’t go any other way.”
“I was just..” Maggie defending, Sasha squaring up to her.
“Hey!” I said loudly, moving closer to Maggie, “Don’t you dare threaten her.” She huffed, widening her eyes and flipping her hands before storming off.

Michonne let out a loud breath, wincing at the slam of the door as Sasha got in the closest, and thankfully empty car, as Abed clambered out quickly, rolling his eyes and heading over to Martha, literally having to pull her from the car.

“West?” Michonne asked, we all quickly nodded, and I stepped away, grabbing Daryl’s hand and pulling him a couple of metres away.

“You happy with that?” He nodded, stretching slightly,
“Bout as happy as I could be’”
“We’ll just have to make as many stops as we can risk, gather as much as we can.”
“As always.” He said gruffly, his eyes not on me but his elder brother standing at the other side of the campsite, from the looks of it trying to talk to T-dog.

“You need to talk to him,”
“I’ve spoke to him. I’ve told him..”
“Not like that,” I said softly, “You need to talk with him; you can’t just order him, if he’s anything like you he won’t take to that. You guys haven’t seen each other in months; you need to sort everything else.” He frowned and I turned pushing him back gently,
“Man up Dixon.” He chuckled, turning around and gently slapping my hands off, grabbing them and pulling me to him, his lips pressing fast and hard against my own.

“I hate it when you get all bossy.” I giggled, pulling away from him,
“You sort shit with Merle, I’ll help plan some kind of route...although I think we need another day here, jus to recuperate properly.” He wasn’t listening, instead he had met eyes with his brother, grabbing a gun,
“We’ll go for a little hunt.” He said, nodding at me as he walked over to Merle, tossing him a gun, and pointing past the clearing to the small amount of woodland.
“I’m still not happy with him being here,” Glenn frowned, watching them walk away as I approached them again, “He kidnapped you!” I nodded.

“Easily, and he can shoot, we need that. And you know there is no way that Daryl is leaving him.” He held my eye contact withering slightly under the strength of it.
“As long as he stays away from you, Maggie and Beth,” I glanced at Maggie who smiled lightly at him, before turning back to the map.

“Now this route is a more direct way, but likely to be blocked,”
“This way has a couple of small towns, to fuel up, we’re gunna need to stop soon, for food and gas.”

______________________

Within the next half hour we had several routes laid out, although the routes had no distinct end, I suppose were all just hoping to find somewhere safe by chance, a miracle.
But then shouting caught out attention, both Dixons storming from the woods, Daryl’s shirt ripped although he desperately tried to hold it to his back. Shielding it.

I knew what the marks meant.
Even if he had never mentioned it.

Merle looked horrified, pale. He met my eyes across the area, his eyes wide as Daryl scrambled through the closest car for a shirt, trying to look more calm.

I just shook my head, the older Dixon looking broken, like china, a chip that could crack and break at any second.

Everyone had secrets, everyone had things they forced themselves to forgot.