If I Was Your Boyfriend

The familiarity of our apartment never felt better. Justin wraps his arms around me after dropping the suitcases.

‘I never want to leave again.’ He groans against my ear guiding me to the stairs, ‘Let’s sleep for the next twenty four hours.’

‘You know everyone will be here any minute.’

‘Yeah because you told them our flight schedule.’ He stiffs out a small laugh, ‘the last thing I want right now is a fight with my parents or Scooter.’

‘They’re just curious in why their son was behind bars.’ I remind him quietly opening the door to the bedroom, ‘I’m sure you’d have questions too.’

‘Yeah, yeah, yeah.’ He mutters flopping down onto the bed, ‘It doesn’t make it any easier.’

I lie down beside Justin nestling my head into his chest, instantly feeling at ease for the first time in hours. He closes his eyes as he wraps an arm stained with ink around my back.

‘Don’t fall asleep.’ I whisper looking up at him.

‘Five minutes.’ He mutters not bothering to look at me.

I shake my head letting out a quiet laugh. Within minutes Justin was already sound asleep beside me. I watched silently as his chest rises then falls at a slow and steady pace. My eyelids grew with an uncontrollable weight. It wasn’t long at all before there was an urgent knock on the door.

‘Jay,’ I mutter attempting to sit up in the bed, ‘Someone’s here.’

‘Tell them to come back later.’ He rolls over in his sleep with a short annoyed huff.

‘No, get up.’ I poke his toned back causing him to sit up.

‘Fine.’ He mutters a few curse words as he storms out of the room.

I roll out of the bed and follow him down the stairs.

‘Behave.’ I whisper as he swings the door open revealing Scooter and Pattie.

Both of them rush inside and immediately into the living room, neither of them saying a word. Justin was annoyed. Scooter was clearly impatient while Pattie was on edge. Part of me was scared for everyone involved. At this point there was no determining how this conversation was going to go.

‘I’m just going to go to my mom’s for a bit, to catch up with her.’ I say trying to find a way out of Scooter’s death glare.

‘Don’t leave me.’ Justin murmurs in the form of a plea.

‘What in the hell happened?!’ Scooter finally explodes just I thought he would.

‘I’ve been in a 6 by 8 jail cell for the last few hours. I didn’t get any sleep on the plane so I close my eyes just to have you pounding on the door five minutes later.’ Justin growls.

Pattie opens her mom, shocked by her son’s tone but closes it swiftly. I place a cautious hand on Justin’s back, trying to calm him.

‘I didn’t get a phone call. A text message. An email. Nothing! As your manager don’t you think I need to know that my client is somewhere in a prison cell.’

‘Yeah I was in the prison cell. Me! Not you.’ Justin fires back.

‘Justin, watch it.’ Pattie finally speaks, ‘I think everyone’s a little wound up at this point. Let’s bring it back down.’

‘I think that is a great idea.’ I chime giving Justin a soft nudge.

‘I can’t keep covering for you like this.’

‘Covering for me? You covered for me? I didn’t call you. I didn’t ask for any favors.’

‘You’re my boy, but I’m not going to keep putting up with this. I am your manager not your baby sitter for Christ’s sake. I need someone who’s serious. You were at first but somehow you’ve lost your way. You lost the passion for all of this.’

‘What are you saying?’

‘I’m saying that you need to get your crap together or I’m done.’

‘How about you’re just done now? You’re fired. Get out of my house.’

‘Justin!’ Pattie and I gasp in unison, looking at Justin as if he just grew a second head.

‘You’re making a huge mistake.’

‘The only mistake I made was flying out to meet with you all those years ago. Leave now before I call the cops and have you arrested for trespassing.’

‘Justin…’ I start but Scooter stands up with a shake of his head.

‘I’m leaving. Don’t worry about it.’ Scooter walks right out of the door and slams it behind him.

‘Justin that was such an ugly thing for you to do. You need to apologize to Scooter, now.’

‘I have nothing to apologize for. If you’re going to give me a lecture too please wait until I take an Excedrin, this migraine is killing me.’

‘Look I know that you’re stressed and you haven’t had the easiest few days but your behavior is unacceptable.’

‘With all due respect mom, I’m not a little boy anymore so spare the speech about my behavior.’

‘I can’t talk to you right now.’ Pattie shakes her head with disappoint as she quietly walks out of the apartment.

‘Why did you just do that?!’ I blurt folding my arms across my chest. ‘You can’t push everyone away when you need them the most!’

‘I didn’t do anything- if you’re going to act like them then just leave me alone too. I didn’t all of you gaining up on me.’

Justin runs to the backyard and empties his stomach into one of the bushes. I watch both confused and concerned from the kitchen table as he rinses his mouth out.

‘Are you okay?’

‘I’m good, thanks.’ He mutters opening the refrigerator to grab a bottle of water. ‘Do you want to go see a movie or something? Maybe we can order some Thai food and hang out here for the night?’

‘I’m just going to shower and get ready for my mom’s. I’ll see you later.’ I reply heading up the stairs.

I open Justin’s drawer looking to borrow something from his things for today. My hands come across a plastic material shoved under all of his clothes. This could not be what I think it is.

‘What is this?!’ I shout throwing Justin’s hidden stash on the sofa beside him, ‘is that weed? In the apartment that we share?’

‘Where’d you find this?’

‘What is it doing in the apartment?’ I question through tight teeth, ‘is this why you were acting out just now? Were you coming down off of one of your highs?! Is that why you were so rude to Scooter and your own mother?’

‘I just got it yesterday. While you were away from the hotel. I was stressed. There was so much going on. I just wanted to get away from it all.’

‘So you used this?!’

‘I really don’t need you judging me right now. I’m going through a lot.’

‘I thought we both were!’

‘Well my problems aren’t self-made.’

‘What did you just say?’

‘Chrissy, I- I didn’t mean that.’

‘I don’t need to be here. Not while you’re like this. Call me when you’re not this guy, this rude, foul hearted, guy.’

With that I grab my car keys from the dish on the kitchen counter and walk out to the garage. I pass all of Justin’s fancy, foreign cars before climbing into my car and closing the door. I hit the garage door button inside that Justin had installed for my benefit and wait as it goes up. There wasn’t some big movie-like chase where he grabs my arm and kisses me so hard that I lose all feeling in my body. There was no confession of remorse. There weren’t any tears shed from either of us. He didn’t stand in front of the car keeping me there. He doesn’t come outside to beg me to stay and part of me what glad that he didn’t.