If I Was Your Boyfriend

I wordlessly slump down onto the sofa’s soft leather material beside Justin; my hands aimlessly interlace one another over and over again. I look over at him as his deep brown eyes focus on the freshly scribbled set of lines in his worn-out journal. He mutters to himself as if he was in some sort of trance, completely lost in his latest song. I let out an exasperated sigh causing him to carefully place his pen behind his ear with an amused smile. ‘Is everything okay?’ Justin questions as he opens his tattooed arms, allowing me to fall into him.

‘No.’ I bite at the inside of my cheek, feeling my eyebrows draw close together. ‘Do you ever feel lik- never mind, it’s completely insane and I cannot believe that I was even about to say it out loud.’

‘No, no, no.’ Justin pulls away slightly to look down at me, ‘what were you about to say? Do I ever feel like what?’

‘Okay, you know that I hate what Carter took away from us and it was horrible dealing with all of that for so long, but – I just can’t help but feel like I’m in a rut since court. I definitely do not miss him but our lives just seem so boring now. Does that make sense?’ I ramble, using my hands wildly as I’m trying to explanation this irrational thought.

‘Are you Chrissy Thorton saying that you want another deranged sociopath to kidnap and harass us once a week?’ Justin replies after a while with a genuine laugh. ‘It definitely was something else, but I would much rather have our boring life right now than anything like that ever again, but I understand. I have been throwing myself into my writing for weeks now before I go back on tour and I may have unknowingly placed you on a back burner.’

‘I completely get it and I can’t wait until the tour starts again and I know that I was the one that said I didn’t want to sign up for anything so soon but I feel like if I don’t have a project I will explode from pure boredom.’

‘You could work on your speech for the women’s brunch.’ Justin murmurs quietly, knowing that I have been putting it off since I got the email weeks ago. ‘For the support group.’

I open my mouth to respond when his phone lets out its usual loud chime. I could see that it was Scooter from where I sat. He presses his lips to my temple before slipping off of the sofa to answer it. ‘I’ll work on it today.’

‘That’s my girl.’ Justin smiles before placing the phone to his ear and walking towards the kitchen.

Rocky runs from his bed and leaps onto the sofa beside me wagging his tail. Somehow, he always knew. I run my fingers over his soft coat as he curls onto my lap. After a while, I sneak away to Justin’s office and sit down in front of my laptop. The blank white document laughs at me as I wonder how to even begin my speech. It was in a week and I already agreed to do it so I just couldn’t drop out last minute. Each line that I typed would end up deleted. Nothing sounded right. It all seemed artificial and bland. I sat in his office for a solid two hours and came up with nothing.

‘There you are.’ Justin pokes his head into the doorway, ‘how’s it going?’

‘Horrible.’ I respond, pressing my forehead against the glossy wood desk. ‘How do you get over writer’s block?’

‘First, come with me and then I’ll tell you all my secrets.’ Justin extends a tattooed arm out to me after walking around the impressively large desk.

‘Where are we going? I don’t have my phone or purse, or shoes.’ I point dramatically to my navy blue giraffe socks.

‘Just come with me Thorton.’ He stifles out a laugh while pulling me into the garage and to his Range Rover. ‘Let me grab Rocky and I’ll be right back.’ Soon after, Justin comes back with my Converse, purse, and phone with Rocky tucked securely under his arm. ‘There, no you have no excuses.’

‘In my years with you I have learned to just go with your random adventures because you will never give the slightest clue or hint not even to me.’

‘You know me so well.’

I settle down in the passenger seat, holding his warm hand between my own. Somehow, he looked even more attractive when he was driving. Every so often his jaw would clench as he chewed his gum. He catches my stare as he slowly pulls out of the expansive driveway. The corner of his lip twitches into a smirk. He reaches over into the glove department to put on his glasses, making him that much more attractive of course. Rocky sticks his head out the backseat’s window, running from the left to the right and over again. When we finally come to a stop, I notice we’re at the outskirts of the beach. Justin doesn’t wait for me before rolling out the car with Rocky. I watch from behind the tinted windows as Rocky immediately runs to play with a flock of birds. Unfortunately, his size and speed scares them off so he looks up at Justin perched ears. I slip my phone into my back pocket and slide out of the car and carefully shut the door behind me. I wrap my arms around Justin’s torso and lean my head on his back while embracing the warm air around me. ‘I figured you could use a break from your speech.’ He slips his arms over my own after bringing my hand to his mouth, ‘Besides, we were overdue for a night out the house.’

‘Thank you.’ I muse walking around to sit down in the sand beside Rocky. ‘So, are you going to fill me in on your writer’s block secrets?’ I call out as he stands close to sand being met by water.

‘It’s you.’ He shrugs as he makes his way over to me, ‘Whenever I feel like something’s not the best, I just think of you. It sounds cliché I know but whether I have to look at you or just a picture of you, it’s works. You’re my muse, Chris – thought you knew that by now.’ The smallest smile forms on his face as he drops down in front of me, ‘I know that you’re hoping for some sort of elaborate process but I don’t have one.’

‘Why do you have to be so romantic all the time?’

‘It is a gift and a curse.’ He pauses to wrap an arm over my shoulder, ‘Listen, you have to speak for you and you only. Don’t try to write something that you think they want to hear; they want to hear from you. They want to hear your experiences and how you’ve came over it. They want to hear you. I have the easy part, all I have to do is introduce you and talk about how amazing you are. I can do that in my sleep.’

I meet his lips halfway before he runs off to play with Rocky. His loud laugh rings through my ears as Rocky chases him down. I watch as the two roll around together as they always have. The two were inseparable. His muse. The words circled in my head over and over. I think I had my speech.

Justin’s Point of View

The endless line of traffic made the ride back home even longer. Chrissy was working on her speech with an old piece of paper she found in my glove department. The sun was hitting her in the most perfect way; I wish I could just stare at her forever. She shyly turns her back in her seat the moment that she notices my ongoing stare. ‘Don’t stare.’ She whispers, trying to tame the smile on her lips.

‘Sorry.’ I place a hand on her thigh, just because this console made it feel like there were thousands of miles between us. ‘I can’t wait to hear it.’

I press my jeans, still feeling the engagement ring in my pocket. I carried it every single day, waiting for the perfect opportunity. I was also waiting for the right amount of courage to do it. ‘What do you say to ordering takeout when we get back to your house?’

‘I say that sounds perfectly boring.’ I laugh at my own joke, intertwining my fingers with hers.

Chrissy’s Point of View

‘Food’s here!’ I call, leaping from the bed to go downstairs.

‘Look in my pants for my wallet,’ Justin chimes through the bathroom door, ‘I’ll be right out!’ I crouch down onto the floor, rifling through his jeans for his wallet. My fingers graze some sort of velvet material. Curiously, I pull the tiny black box from his pocket and almost drop it thanks to my shaking hands. ‘Did you find it, Chris?’

‘Found it.’ I breathe out, face to face with an engagement ring.