We Only Breathe for so Long

I would just like to personally share that I have never screamed so much in my entire life.

That roller coaster was one hell of a ride. Seeing the roller coaster was so much milder than actually riding on it. I mean, sure, I was mentally preparing myself the whole time as we were waiting in the line. Those preparations were certainly not enough though. The whole time I was just nervously laughing at the silly things Pat did. Jared and Kennedy were too, but they were worry-free. Apparently I wasn’t ready enough for this.

Kennedy did sit beside me, just like what he told me before. Pat and Jared were sitting behind us. I started panicking once those metal bar thingys that keep us from falling off the ride were locked in. But Kennedy told me that everything would be fine. And yes, his words did calm me down.

The ride started slowly. I just closed my eyes, preparing for the worse. I don’t know whether I should have kept my eyes open or something because I then suddenly felt a sharp, dropping sensation in my heart. Next thing I knew, I was screaming as the roller coaster made its fast drops and twirls. Kennedy, Jared and Pat were screaming as if they were having the best time of their lives, while I was screaming for my life.

And eventually, the ride came to a halt. I was just trying to remember how to breathe normally. I was looking around, trying to process everything as well. Kennedy, Jared and Pat were just laughing at what they experienced. And me? I couldn’t see the look on my own face, but I’m pretty sure I looked horror-stricken and as if all the life was sucked out of me. Kennedy got off the ride and then help me off as well.

“That wasn’t so bad, wasn’t it, Lisette?” Kennedy asked me, smiling.

No words were coming out of my mouth, so I just nodded. My heart was beating like crazy. I was short on breath.

“Best ride EVER!” Pat exclaimed, jumping up and down.

Jared and Kennedy just chuckled at Pat. We then made our way out of the area. Jared, Kennedy and Pat were busy talking about the ride and stuff while I was trailing aimlessly behind them. My heart was beating so fast and irregularly and I don’t even know, I couldn’t breathe properly. I then started to panic. Why? Well, they’re symptoms I should be looking out for. This already happened to me a few times before and nothing happened but I couldn’t help but to feel very worried about it. Probably because my mom gave me a call yesterday about being cautious and whatever about my health. Ever since my mom called, I’ve been getting so worked up on my current medical condition. I didn’t want to ever go back to the hospital again.

Everything was a blur. My mind was racing. What should I do? Was I going to faint again? I kept glancing around to get a grip of myself. But every movement I made or every thought that popped into my head, I just kept on slipping away. Next thing I knew, I was in the middle of a sea full of people; no one I knew in sight. I kept turning around, changing my route without thinking every now and then.

I was grasping for air. At the same time, I was forcefully holding in my breath just to make my heart beat regularly. And I was hyperventilating as well. I was hysterical. I was having some kind of panic attack. I just kept on aimlessly wandering around the carnival grounds in the hope that I’d find Kennedy, Pat or Jared. Or even John, Garrett or Isa. I don’t care, as long as I could find someone. And then I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I answered it without even checking who was calling me.

“Lisette! Where are you? We were walking — and then we suddenly realized that you were gone!” Kennedy said, with anxiety in his voice.

I just couldn’t speak. No matter how hard I was trying.

“Lisette? You there?”

“Kennedy.” I was on the verge of bursting out my tears. But I know this isn’t the time to.

“Where are you? We’ll go to—“

“I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. What should I do?” I asked him. My voice was pleading him. I was full of desperation. Tears were starting to fall from my eyes and I just wiped them off hastily, trying not to care about the world around me, but just focusing on the person on the other side of the line. My attempts are always futile.

“Lisette, are you okay?”

“No. I can’t think straight. I don’t even know what to do,” I said with even more desperation.

“Okay, Lisette. I know you’re panicking. Try to take a breath,” Kennedy said, soothingly. I did and I don’t know — the sound of his voice was calming to me. It was assurance that I wasn’t alone.

“Can you now tell me were you are?” He asked once I somewhat got a hold of myself.

“I think I’m near the Ferris wheel.”

“Hang in there. We’ll get to you,” he said. He then hung up. I suddenly felt so alone despite all the people around me. But I stayed wherever I was. Then suddenly someone got a hold of my hand. Seeing who it was, I quickly hugged him without even thinking because of all the relief I was feeling.

“Everything’s alright, Lisette. Everything’s alright,” Kennedy said, hugging me back.

We just stood there what seemed like hours until I learned to calm down. My heart rate was now normal and I was breathing just fine.

“I’m so sorry for the trouble I caused,” I mumbled, pulling away.

“Don’t worry about it. You didn’t cause any.” He just smiled at me. “You feeling better?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” I replied.

“I know what’s going to calm you down some more. Want to ride the Ferris wheel?” He smirked at me.

My eyes instantly lit up. “But how about the others?”

“I can go inform them. They’re preoccupying themselves with some carnival games right now,” he said, laughing.

“Okay,” I said happily.

By the time we made it into our own passenger car, Kennedy had already told the guys that I was fine and that we were going to take a ride on the Ferris wheel. We took a seat on the opposite sides of each other.

“I always wanted to ride one of these,” I said with a sigh of contentment as the Ferris wheel started to gently turn.

“And now, you’re riding one,” he replied with a grin. “Jordan always wanted to ride one with me, you know…” His smile faded as he looked out. I don’t know why, but his words pierced me. And it hurt. I didn’t know how to respond to him though, so I just kept quiet.

I loved the view I was seeing while staring out of the window. I was getting a good view of the whole carnival as we were making our way towards the peak. I could also see people enjoying and having a good time.

Kennedy was then silently trying to keep from laughing across me. I turned from the window and looked at him with a frown on my face. “Why are you laughing?”

“Oh, nothing. You just look so happy like a ten year old.” He smirked at me and I just rolled my eyes.

“So tell me, how did you find the roller coaster?” He asked.

“Terrifying. So terrifying that it gave me a panic attack,” I said, chuckling. Yeah, I feel like a fool now because of that. So why not laugh about it? Whoopee. “The worst part was when you think the ride is over ‘cause it’s slowing down, but it’s not even halfway done.”

“I’m sorry we forgot about you after the ride. We were too caught up talking,” he apologized very sincerely.

“No big deal,” I said, smiling at him. He smiled back and we looked out of the window, enjoying the view as our passenger car was starting to descend already.

“Three down, seven more to go, right?” He asked, still looking out of the window.

“Right.”

~

Kennedy and I hopped off the passenger car and we exited the area. He told me he’d give one of the guys a call so we can find out where to meet up with them. A very hyper Pat told him to go to the tent where Kennedy supposedly left them to look for me.

This time, Kennedy was making sure I was not going to get lost. He glancing at me every 15 seconds or so to make sure I was still by his side. We eventually reached the rainbow-striped tent and saw the guys outside and Isa, talking (well, Isa wasn’t talking too much, because, you know). They smiled in relief when they saw Kennedy and me.

“Lisette! How are you?” Jared said with concern as Kennedy and I made our way towards them.

“Fine now. Just a panic attack…” I said, giving him a reassuring smile.

“Don’t go drift off again, okay?” Pat said, worriedly.

“I won’t,” I said, chuckling. Isa smiled as I went towards her. The Maine was engaging themselves in some discussion about guy stuff.

“How was it?” I asked her.

“I had a pretty good time. John ditched us to go talk to her girlfriend, so yeah. Just me and Garrett.” She gave then made thumbs up.

“That’s great, I guess?” I smiled at her.

“And you? How was the roller coaster? And not to mention the Ferris wheel with Kennedy.” She smirked at me. I rolled my eyes and before I could respond, Jared called us to come over and join their discussion.

“Basically, Isa, Lisette, we’re thinking of heading home and finding a place to stop by and eat lunch on the way, somewhere close by,” Jared explained.

“We seem to be in the middle of nowhere right now, but gradually, more establishments will appear as we go along the road,” John said with a smile (which caused Isa to roll her eyes without anyone but me to notice).

“Sounds good to me,” I replied.

“Yeah, sure,” Isa said.

“Alright, that settles it,” Kennedy said. We then headed back through the ongoing carnival chaos and headed to our cars. The guys insisted we’d do the same thing as we did going to this place, so Garrett was forced to ride with us again. Isa did the driving and I sat beside her in the passenger seat. Garrett was just staring outside the window, looking as if he was deep in thought.

I watched the carnival slowly shrink behind us as we followed John and Jared’s cars. We were all silent for a while until Garrett spoke up.

“So, Lisette, I do believe that you have a story or two to tell us,” he said, still looking out of the window.

“Yeah, Lisette,” Isa said, smiling as she kept her eyes on the road.

“What do you want me to tell you about?”

“You already know what we want to know,” Isa said.

“No, I do not.”

“Okay. Let’s start with this: how was the roller coaster?” Garrett asked.

“Terrifying. But at least I got that off the list,” I said, chuckling.

“What happened to you after though? Hope you don’t mind we’re asking,” Garrett said.

“Not at all,” I said. “Just had a panic attack. For reasons. And maybe because of the roller coaster.”

“And then Kennedy came over. What happened then?” Isa asked.

I felt the heat rise up in my cheeks when I remembered what I did. I’m pretty sure Isa saw that when she glanced at me. And Garrett was already sitting in the middle area of the backseat, leaning forward between my seat and Isa’s. I know he saw my face before I turned my head away and looked out of the window.

“You did something foolish, didn’t you?” Garrett said, a smirk evident in his voice.

“I just suddenly hugged him without thinking, that’s all,” I mumbled.

Garrett then roared with laughter and Isa followed as well. And I just rolled my eyes, crossing my arms.

“Whatever,” I said then stuck my tongue out at both of them.

“And then?” Isa asked.

“Well, he brought me to the Ferris wheel so I could calm down some more.” I noticed that Garrett made a face that said “not bad” and nodded his head. “And we just talked a bit and looked at the view. That’s all.”

“Talked about what?” Isa asked with a sly grin.

“It is in the list of basic human rights that I have the right to have private communication and correspondence with others.” I winked and Isa just rolled her eyes and scoffed. “Then we made it back to you guys,” I said.

“You know, it really looks as if…” Garrett started and then drifted off.

“As if?” I said.

“Oh come on, Lisette, can’t you see?” Isa said.

“See what?” Seriously, what are they talking about?

“Nothing, nothing,” Garrett said, now leaning back. Isa then shot him a glance and Garrett just shook his head.

“So tell me, what did you guys do?” I asked, being it my turn to inquire about their time at the carnival.

“Well, uh, John left us… for reasons.” I nodded to tell Garrett that I knew why John left. “So basically, Isa and I rode the Ferris wheel together,” he chuckled.

“And then we played some carnival games until Pat, Jared, Kennedy and you-know-who came,” Isa explained.

“And then Kennedy was like, ‘Where’s Lisette?’”

“And then Kennedy called you!”

“And then Kennedy told you to calm down and stuff!”

“And then Kennedy went to you!”

“And then Kennedy and you rode the—“

“Okay you guys, I get the point,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“And the point is…?” Garrett counterattacked, smirking.

I just kept silent because I didn’t know what to say. Garrett and Isa just snickered as I stared out of the window. We then noticed that we were indeed not in the middle of nowhere anymore and John and Jared were pulling over at Pizza Hut.

Once we parked, we all got out of our cars and Garrett immediately went up to Pat.

“Seriously, Pat? Pizza Hut again? We just ate there yesterday!” Garrett said. Well, he wasn’t mad at Pat. I can’t describe it. It was like he was making a friendly complaint. And a joke.

We then had lunch together, just hanging out and laughing about the smallest things. Well, Isa was still quiet-ish, of course. John freaking ditched them to go talk to his girlfriend on the phone. But we all had a great time. In this three-day trip, I got to cross out three things in my list. Even though I almost died and lost my mind in this time span, I couldn’t help but to feel a hundred times more thankful that I bumped into Kennedy that fateful morning.