Smash Into Me

A look of relief washed over Josh. He sank back into the booth and let out the breath that he’d been holding in since he sat down. His note worked. And Sierra said it wouldn't. He made a mental note to rub in her face the fact that her plan failed and his didn’t.

“So you read the note,” Josh said after a moment. Kayleigh shot him a look, which made him laugh and nod. “Of course you did…that was dumb, I’m sorry.”

“I thought your note was…sweet,” Kayleigh said, rereading the first couple of lines.

“Yeah, I – I wrote it on the bus when I thought you weren’t ever gonna talk to me again. I was gonna – if Sierra’s plan failed, I was just gonna slip the note under your door or give it to Sierra…and hope you got it and read it,” Josh spoke softly, staring at his hands the entire time. Kayleigh watched as he picked at his bitten down nails. She couldn’t help but to smile a bit. “And, it didn’t work exactly as planned in my head, but…yeah. My heart’s on that piece of paper. I really, really do care about you. I haven’t felt this way about anyone in a long time. It’s incredible.”

“Josh, you suck,” Kayleigh chuckled, wiping at the corners of her eyes. “You made me cry.”

“Oh, fu – I’m – I’m sorry. Kay – ”

“Stop. I know you’re sorry. I know. God, I know,” She laughed, covering her face with her hands. Josh stared at her, not understanding why she was laughing. He had just poured his heart out to her and there she was laughing. “Get over here.”

“What?”

Kayleigh rolled her eyes and stood up a bit, leaning across the table. She grabbed Josh’s jacket and pulled him closer to her before smacking her lips to his. It took Josh a moment to realize what the hell was happening, but when he did, he kissed back with as much intensity as Kayleigh had.

“Well, fuck,” Josh breathed out, slowly sitting back down.

“You know, you’re, like, the only one on this entire tour that I’ve thought of as more than just a friend,” Kayleigh said, pulling the plate back in front of her. She picked up a fork and started pushing at the now cold eggs on the plate.

Josh felt guilt nip him in the heart. He ducked his head down and started picking at his fingers again. Nervous, horrible habit. “I’m s – ”

“If the word ‘sorry’ comes out of your mouth, I swear to God, I will hurl something at your head.” Kayleigh pointed the fork at him. Josh looked up at her with a crooked grin. Kayleigh offered a smile in return. “Seriously, though, you’re the only one. So it hurt hearing that you thought I was sleeping around with everyone else. I mean, yeah, when the tour started I had a tiny crush on Alex Gaskarth, but that lasted all of two seconds...because, man, does that boy have issues.”

Josh laughed, “Issues?”

Kayleigh let out a deep sigh and rolled her eyes, “He’s got an on again off again girlfriend and he’s still hung up on some girl he knew in high school. He’s a romantic mess. Wasn’t gonna get involved with that. And he writes songs for or about his girlfriends. No way, Jose.”

“What’s wrong with writing songs for girlfriends? It’s romantic and shit. My ex – girls love that stuff.” Josh thought Kayleigh didn’t catch that slip, but she did. She just chose to ignore it. Don’t cause any more problems with anything.

“Yeah, no, to me, it’s cliché.”

Josh’s lips twisted into a frown. “I’ll keep that in mind,” He muttered to himself. The note he’d given was the start of a song he thought was promising, something he thought Kayleigh would eat up. Apparently not if it was sung to her. “Why is it cliché?”

Kayleigh shrugged her shoulders gently, “My ex was in a small, local band, you know. He…wrote a song for me. I thought it was sweet – I was a sucker for that shit back then. Then…then I found out that that song wasn’t actually for me.”

“Did he cheat on you?” Josh asked, his voice barely even a whisper. He wanted to find this ex of hers and beat the shit out of him. Because, how could anyone ever do that to a girl like Kayleigh? Then he realized. He realized he, too, had cheated on Kayleigh. He was no better than this guy.

She huffed out a short, strangled laugh, and shook her head, “He wrote it for the girl he left me for. I had found the lyrics and…I heard them play it once. I thought it was for me. I told him it was amazing. I told him I loved him…he just went along with it, lied right to my face. He left me a week later.”

“What a fucking wanker.”

“Yeah, then, after I told everyone how he left me for another girl and shit, he started writing songs about me. They were horrible songs, you know? They painted me like a crazy, obsessed, stalker ex. He blamed me for his problems,” She explained, staring at the plate in front of her. “And, you know, every guy in a band writes a song for his girl. Super cute and mushy – their girls fucking love that shit. Then, when they break up, there’s even more songs, this time about the girl and how bad they hurt the guy, or how bad the guy feels, blah blah blah, it’s all been done.”

Josh let that stir around in his brain for a minute. It had all been done before. Hell, that was You Me At Six’s entire second album right there. That same cycle…all about his ex.

“So, yeah. The more you know,” Kayleigh said, looking up and meeting Josh’s gaze. “Wanna get out of here?”

“You didn’t even touch your food,” Josh commented softly.

“I…my appetite’s totally gone,” Kayleigh laughed. She picked up the note in front of her and waved it. “This little thing got rid of it.”

Josh ducked his head as a blush crept across his face. “Sorry ‘bout that,” He mumbled.

“It’s fine.” She folded it up and tucked it inside her jacket.

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” Kayleigh gave him a soft smile. “Let’s go.” She stood up, pulled a crumpled up twenty out of her pocket, and threw it on the table.

Kayleigh held out her hand. Josh stared at it. “I’m not going to punch you.” Kayleigh had just offered him her hand, and added a smart comment. Things were better.

Josh took it, linking his fingers with hers. He stared down at their hands, the smallest of smiles on his face. Kayleigh noticed and brought their hands up. She lightly pressed her lips to Josh’s fingers.

As cheesy as that was, Josh smiled brighter. “You’re perfect.”

“Shut up,” Kayleigh replied with a smile. Oh, yeah, things were definitely better.

**

Kayleigh woke, tangled up in cheap hotel room sheets and Josh. Her eyes slowly adjusted to the dark room. The only light there was, was the dim moon filtering through the large sliding glass door off to the right of the bed. It cast a beautiful glow over Josh, making him look so heavenly and peaceful as he slept.

Kayleigh craved her sketchbook. She needed to capture this before it was gone forever. Kayleigh had a habit of either sketching things or taking pictures so she never forgot. She wanted all the memories she could gather. She was only going to be young once, and she wanted to remember it for the rest of her life in the form of weathered photographs and rough sketches.

If she’d gone too long without sketching, or hell, even doodling, she’d go insane. Right now, she was definitely feeling that little itch she got in her hand where a pencil or pen should’ve been.

Kayleigh slowly unwrapped Josh’s arms from around her, stilling herself every time Josh moved and sounded as if he was going to wake. When he settled, she’d start over again. After about ten minutes, she was free. She stood and found some clothes, dressing herself quickly. She found Josh’s pants on top of the TV and smiled to herself. She pulled the keycard to her room out of his front pocket. She was going to get her damn sketchbook and she was going to sketch Josh sleeping if it killed her.

Kayleigh and Sierra were on a different floor than Josh was, so she had to hurry. She carefully shut the door behind her, holding her breath. She didn’t want to make a sound.

It wasn’t until she was making her way down the hallway that she realized she wasn’t wearing shoes or socks…or even her own pants. She must’ve picked up something of Josh’s and just thrown it on. Oh, well.

A couple had stared at her as she stepped into the elevator with them. She smiled as sweet as she could at them as she pushed the button for floor five. They were headed for floor eight.

“Have fun you two,” She had commented as she stepped off the elevator. She threw in a wink before bolting off down the hallway. She needed to get that damn sketchbook before Josh woke up or before the moonlight faded and the moment was gone forever.

Kayleigh knocked a couple of times on the door before remembering the stupid key was in her hand. She rolled her eyes at herself and slid the card, grinning when it unlocked.

Sierra wasn’t even in the room. Kayleigh and Josh totally could’ve come here. Damn Sierra.

Kayleigh ignored that and went in search of her sketchbook and her weapons bag, as she called it. Kayleigh looked at her art supplies as weapons. Hell, the pen was mightier than the sword. It was her weapon of choice. Actually, her weapon of choice definitely was her camera. Pens came next.

She was in and out of there pretty quickly. She didn’t care how loud the door was. She didn’t care if she woke anyone. She was in a damn hurry now. The sun would be coming up soon, and Josh would wake up and find her gone. She needed to capture the way the soft glow of the moon fell on Josh.

Her art teacher in her freshman year always told the class that when you find something beautiful, draw it. Find whatever you’re passionate about and just draw. Passion makes for the best art. And her teacher had been right. Most of Kayleigh’s best work were of things she was passionate about, things she found the most beautiful.

This was one of those things.

She wished she could’ve drawn Josh at the diner; the way he looked was so amazing. The way the soft midnight lights casted a shadow that fell so beautifully on Josh, illuminating most, but not all of his face, coupled with the softness of his face…it made Kayleigh’s insides turn – in the most pleasant of ways – when she thought back on it. She had to sketch that from memory now. It’d be difficult, but she’d do it, definitely.

The wait for the elevator seemed like forever. When it finally came and the doors slid open, she groaned a “thank you Jesus” and pressed the three.

It seemed like nothing had changed when she got back in the room. Josh was still lying in bed, the covers half on him, half off, the moonlight hitting him in all the right ways, casting shadows in perfect places.

Kayleigh grinned. She quietly hoisted herself up on to the long dresser that was across from the bed and crossed her legs Indian style. She flipped through her sketchbook and found a clean page easily. Excitement spread throughout her entire body. This was not the first time she was sketching Josh, oh no, she’d sketched Josh dozens of times. But still, this time…it felt different. A good different. It made her smile stretch to her ears and hands tingle.

So there she sat, in the dark, sketching Josh while he slept. It sounded creepy as hell, and hey, sure it looked creepy, too. But Kayleigh was happy. So god damn happy. Josh was a great subject. He didn’t move too much, if at all. He’d fidget a couple times, but that was fine. At least he didn’t flip and flop around on the bed like some people. Cough, cough, Sierra.

Kayleigh had drawn Sierra multiple times while she slept. The first time, she felt it was insanely creepy, and told Sierra about it, her conscience breaking her down. Sierra found it fucking amazing that her best friend thought she was beautiful enough to draw like that. She even encouraged Kayleigh to actually turn it in for a grade. It earned her an A and a spot in the yearly art show. It was because of Sierra that Kayleigh didn’t feel weird about doing shit like this anymore.

Kayleigh had sat and drawn Josh for two and a half hours. It didn’t feel that long at all. Nothing ever felt like it really was when Kayleigh was lost in her little world. That’s another reason why she loved it so much. It ate up her time and took her attention to somewhere else – somewhere important.

When she was done, she shut the book and placed her bag on top of it. A small yawn escaped her lips. The sun was now coming up. Normally, Kayleigh would’ve stayed up with it, but since this was now her day off, she was going to go right back into that bed with Josh and stay there, ignoring the world for just one day.

Josh stirred a bit, opening his eyes slightly as she crawled in right back next to him. He smiled softly and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him.