I'm Beating Myself Up Over This

I was pretty sure I was dreaming.

The one thing I had wanted for so long was happening. My best friend was kissing me.

I didn’t have any time to react before he did. He pulled away, a pained look on his face, and uttered only one single word.

“Shit.”

And then he ran. Literally. He ran right off the bus, leaving me completely speechless. I couldn’t even form words in my own mind. The only thing I could think over and over was ‘He kissed me.’

I stood there with a stupid grin as it started to rain outside. Great, now I have to go find him before he gets sick from being out in a downpour.

I walked to the front as the lightening started. Oli had that all knowing smirk on his face.

“He’s probably at the nearest park,” he said without even looking up, knowing exactly what I was going to ask.

I grabbed my DropDead hoodie and walked off the bus. We were in some town I couldn’t remember the name of, but I did recall passing a park on the way to Starbucks that morning.

As I was walking, my mind finally started processing what had happened. And I realized something. They had to have known he liked me, as they knew I liked him, which was why they wanted me to tell him so bad. And they were probably telling him the same.

We really are two stupid kids.

The rain came down harder as I neared the park, and the lightening became more constant. I love the rain, I really do. But I couldn’t afford to get sick right now seeing as we have the rest of Warped Tour to finish, so I had to be quick.

When I got to the park I spotted him on the swings. His head was down and he wasn’t really swinging at all. I walked over and sat next to him.

We didn’t say a word for a while; I just sat on my swing as he sat on his. He stared off probably wishing that this would all go away. But I just had to know, it was killing me.

“So, how long?” I asked.

I heard him sigh.

“Since 9th grade, when Jacob Smart asked you out and gave you your first real kiss.” He said.

I made a disgusted face. Jacob was my first real boyfriend, and a real asshole.

I stood up, grabbing his wrists so he would stand too. I put my hands on my hips and shifted my weight to my left leg. He stood there not knowing what to expect from me, for once.

“Remember when we were five, and you kissed me?” I asked. He just nodded his head.

“Well, remember when your mother use to say we’d get married someday? I think I always knew she was right, even though we were both to young to want to believe it. I might have been five years old, but that was the best kiss of my life, except for the one you just gave me. I’ve always compared the boys I went with to you, not just how they kissed, but how they treated me. And no one has even come close to you. Not a single one.” I said, inching closer.

A smirk formed on his lips.

“I didn’t realize it till the beginning of our last year in high school, but I think I’ve known all along. We were made for each other. At least, I think we were. I mean, why else would you be the only person other then your brother to be able to put up with my bullshit all the time? And why would I be the only person in the world to get you to do something, anything, with just one look? Not even your mother can do that. So what I’m trying to say is I think I love you, Thomas Jordan Sykes. And I’m pretty sure I always have.”

He stepped closer as the rain pounded on the ground. It wasn’t letting up a bit, but I didn’t care, and I’m sure he didn’t either.

“I’ve never wanted a girl more in my entire life then I’ve wanted you. You’re not perfect, Parker, in anyway, but you’re sure as hell the closest thing I’ll ever get to it. We were defiantly made for each other. And I know I love you, Parker Jasey Cassidy.” He said, grabbing my waist.

I wrapped my arms around his neck.

“So, Sykes, what do you propose we do now?” I asked playfully.

Lightening struck in the distance once again.

“This.”

And he kissed me, again. It was the most wonderful kiss I could have ever imagined. His lips were soft yet forceful. His hands gripped my waist tightly; as if afraid I’d wash away with the rain. My hands tangled in his hair as I pushed myself closer to him.

And for the first time in my life, I felt like I was doing something right.