She Killed My Brain

Danni, Malone and I were at my house now. My mom was cooking dinner when we got back, it was just about done. Malone was eating some dog food from the bowl that Danni brought with him. We were just sitting on the couch, he wasn’t really talking too much and I didn’t know why. I looked over at him.

“Danni, what’s wrong?” I asked him

“Nothing Nattie, don’t worry about it.” He looked over at me and smiled, I guess it really was nothing to worry about at all; I don’t need to worry about Danni. He always makes it seem like something’s wrong when it isn’t, I suppose it’s just his nature. It was 8pm and King of the Hill was on, ‘ I love this show’ “Hank makes my insides hurt,”

“I know right? But I love Boomhaur, I’ll bang his confusing voice.” We both laughed.

“Dinners ready you guys!” my mom yelled out from the kitchen. We both got up and went into the kitchen; our plates were already on the table and waiting for us. My mom looked all nice and neat and was waiting for us to sit down. She made mashed potatoes, friend chicken and peas; I love homemade meals like this. We started eating and Danni was hardly saying anything.

“Is something wrong Danni?” asked my mother.

“No, nothing’s wrong Ms. Jen, I’m just tired from the sun today that’s all.” My mother and I looked at each other like ‘That was some BULLSHIT’ we just continued eating silently.

“We had fun at the lake today though mom, Malone got to swim and have fun while Danni went to go and play with her. I saw my friend Jimmy while I was there,” I was pronouncing happily while eating my mashed potatoes.

“Who’s Jimmy?” she asked.

“I went swimming there one week, I forgot which day but anyway, I was laying down tanning. I got up to leave and he was just there sleeping and I didn’t want him to get burnt so I woke him up. I guess he’s usually there, I really don’t know. All those times I went there I’ve never saw him.”

“Well he sounds nice,” was all she said, I giggled at that. I saw her look over at Danni who was just mushing his potatoes everywhere now; Danni has never been one to be jealous so I know it has nothing to do with that. Danni knows I love him and I know he loves me, so there’s nothing to worry about. ‘Maybe I should talk to him about this… we had just got done eating and nothing was better than before. He wasn’t talking or doing anything, it was making me feel depressed.

“You can go in my room Danni and watch TV or something, I’m going to wash the dishes.” I was trying to get him to go do something to get his mind off of whatever was going on with him. He got up and started walking towards my room; I waited until the coast was clear to start talking to my mom about this. “Mom, what do you think is going on with Danni?” I was washing and she was drying the dishes.

“I honestly don’t know Nattie, I didn’t think he was the jealous type.” She said drying a plate.

“Well he isn’t, I and Cody have just hung out before and he never said anything about it. He hangs out with Miranda without me being there and I never freak out on him, I trust him.” She took a deep breath in.

“Maybe it’s something else bothering him, you can ask him about it and see what he says and if he doesn’t want to talk about it don’t push it and let him come to you and talk about it okay?” I needed to listen to my mom because I knew she had to know what she was talking about, she’s been through it before. She understands.

“Okay mom I’ll do that, I’ll go in there with him when I get done and get something to drink.”
“Okay, just don’t worry about it too much, okay?” she smiled.

“Okay.” I went to get a water out of the fridge and started to walk into my room. Danni had my little baby out Braano my baby Banana kingsnake. He always loved her and of course I love her! “I see you have my baby?” I said smiling sitting down beside him.

“Yeah, he looked like he wanted out.”

“He was actually out of his hideout?”

“Yes,” I looked at Braano strangely, he’s never out now. He’s light wasn’t even turned off yet. He’s confusing me. I made a face. “He just loves me more than you okay?” I laughed.

“Yeah right? My baby loves me and always will.” I kissed Braano on the head, he jumped away real fast. It didn’t prove my point at all. Danni laughed

“I still love you,” Danni kissed my cheek.

“Well that’s good, I still love you too” I smiled, I liked it a lot when he gave me kisses on the cheek. Only he could give them to me the right way it seemed. “Are you okay now?” he looked over at me.

“Nothing was wrong, quit worrying.” He said it angrily, it took me aback, it made me not want to speak. There was this awkward silence after he said that, he got up and put Braano back in his tank and got Malone. “I love you,” he kissed me on the check.

“I love you too…” I said, barely a whisper. He looked down and walked out of my room. I just sat there, very confused by what just happened and I don’t understand why it made me feel the way that I do right now. I almost wanted to cry, I swear I never felt like this. I felt like I didn’t even want to be home, I grabbed my coat and walked out of my room. My mom wasn’t around, she would’ve told me goodnight if she went to sleep, I didn’t exactly want to talk to her right now I wanted to leave my house and think about what just happened. I walked out the front door and started going towards the lake. It seemed like I was walking so fucking fast, all I saw were streetlights, then steps, a little place to park then a walk way. I fast-paced it all the way to that fucking lake, it seemed like all my confusion turned into anger. I got right in front of the lake and sat down; I held my knees to my chin and just started to feel sad again. I sighed to myself.

“Hi Nattie!” I jumped out of my skin.

“What the fuck?!” I looked behind me to see Jimmy “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Well first off, I was with friends and as you know Partyed-hardyed and came this way to get un-partied ya know?” he said taking a drag out of his cigarette and sitting down beside me.

“Well as I told you Jimmy, I don’t party. But I can understand…I guess.” He nodded.

“You will one day, what are you doing down here anyway? At night, all alone…” he was staring into the water.

“Fucking, Danni.” I said in an angry tone. His eyes widened. “Excuse me, fucking mad at Danni if you will.” He turned his head up in understanding.

“Well I’m sorry, you can tell me about it if you want.” I started crying and just laid completely on my back and started bawling my eyes out and crying heavily. Jimmy turned around and looked at me panicked. “Nattie…?!”

“I-I don’t k-k-kn-know what to da-da-doo!” I cried out, Jimmy got beside me.

“What are you talking about?”he was asking frantic.

“Danni wouldn’t talk to me today, hardly!” I cried out “He wouldn’t talk to my mom whe-when he ate dinner with us.” I cried even harder “A-an-and I asked him if everything was okaaaay!”

“Nattie, Nattie! Shh, shh it’s okay, it’s okay. Just let it all out and try to tell me.” Jimmy tried to console me. He held me as I laid on the ground.

“He said ’Nothing was wrong, so quit it’ he said it so hateful Jimmy, he said it so hateful!” I felt like I’ve never cried this hard EVER. He just held me and was trying to get me to calm down, I want to understand why Danni had to be like this to me, I didn’t do anything to hurt him. He didn’t care when I hung out with Cody and I didn’t care when he hung out with Miranda, why the fuck should he care if I know Jimmy now?! “He won’t tell me anything Jimmy, it was right after we got home he did this shit and I don’t understand it!” Jimmy just held me tighter.

“I talked to you before you left, is it something to do with me?” he asked with a worried tone.

“It couldn’t be Jimmy, because I have a friend named Cody and he has a friend named Miranda and we hang out with out each other and we never have a problem with it. I don’ t know why he would care now. It can’t be anything to do with that, it has to be something else and he just doesn’t want to tell me for some reason Jimmy, I’m just hurt so bad right now. I was angry and now I feel so fucking depressed!” I just screamed, it was all I could do was scream

“Shh, shh” he held me tighter than before. “I am here for you; I don’t care if you haven’t known me for long. I know how that shit is; I take it differently because I’m a guy, clichély. But it’s very true, I just think about having a good time instead of worrying over shit like that. Relationships just don’t work out for me, all they are, are fucking lies, cheats, arguments and sadness. I don’t want that shit so I’ve given up.” I stopped my crying to look Jimmy in the eyes; he was completely serious about this. “Everyone I was with just hurt me, so now I don’t have to worry about it. Friends are a lot more important when you can find the right ones. If you can’t work this out with this guy, don’t worry about it. Just have friends.”

“He’s all I have…” said sadly. Jimmy looked over like he just said the dumbest shit ever.
“Why don’t you have any more friends, what about Cody?”

“He left when I started dating Danni…he never told me why though…” he looked down and smudged his face.

“Well you have me okay?” I smiled “Okay?”

“Yes, yes Jimmy, haha. I have you.” We both smiled as we looked at each other.

“Hugs?” Jimmy said smiling and extending his arms.

“Hugs.” I smiled and we hugged, I felt a little jump in my heart. It scared me and made me wide eyed. It’s okay right now, because I’m happy