Back and Forth

"Oh my god, I don't believe my eyes," John called, his voice echoing in the nearly-empty record store.

He ran a hand through his unruly tawny hair and tilted his head at her. Her hands flew to cover her mouth in shock, nearly knocking over a box of vinyls. Her sun kissed cheeks flushed a brilliant rose, and she hurried to steady the cardboard box. Slowly, her coral bow lips curved into a familiar grin, encasing her whole face as she studied him.

"Hey stranger," she replied easily. Her voice was still sweet and smooth as honey. Her white sundress billowed around her slim thighs as she approached him, and he had to blink a few times to make sure she was really there. God, she was more beautiful than he remembered.

"Adora Rieder, I haven't seen you in ages."

She crinkled her freckled, button nose at him, but really, she loved the way her full name sounded coming from his lips. High school seemed like just yesterday when he said it. He watched her, a longing tint coloring his dusty olive eyes. He wasn't sure whether or not to hug her, or if that would be inappropriate. Did they shake hands? Or was that too formal? How did you greet someone that used to be your whole world?

"Addie, John. You know I hate it when people call me Adora. I mean, just because you're John O'Callaghan and all famous now doesn't mean you get special treatment," she teased.

John stood, flustered like always when it came to her. And here he thought he had left behind the awkward, lanky teenager he had been in high school. He was a rock star dammit, and he was acting like a hormonal high school kid.

She leaned in, her arms wrapping around his thin torso with ease and solving his first dilemma. He slowly returned the gesture, and it felt as though no time had passed since the last time he had held her. The vanilla scent of her perfume filled his nostrils, and he let his eyes droop shut.

"And yes. It's been way too long," she whispered. Her breath tickled his ear, sending his thoughts into a greater jumble. She broke the embrace much too soon in his opinion. His impulsiveness got the best of him as he watched her, so close from slipping through his fingertips again.

"So, since it's been so long, maybe we should catch up," John suggested, waggling his eyebrows at her. She laughed, pushing her bangs away from her bright blue eyes.

"And it's just that simple?" she countered, cocking an eyebrow. John nodded enthusiastically, offering his arm to her.

"Come get some coffee with me, and we'll catch up."

She thought about it for a few moments, waiting to see if he was serious or not. When he didn't waver, she looped her arm through his. He grinned, slipping quickly back into familiar territory with her. It was as easy as a few sentences. Oh god, he had missed her.



"So, how have things been with you, Addie?" John asked sincerely, leaning his elbows on the small, circular table. Steam rose dreamily from his mug, warming his face. Addie took a small sip of her own hot drink, pondering the question.

"Things have been fine. I mean, I graduated from ASU, just started a job at Tempe Republic as a writer," she hesitated, her bubbly tone faltering for a moment. "And, um, Kade and I just celebrated our first anniversary."

John froze, his eyes zoning in on the dainty diamond ring encircling her thin finger. Of course. He had saw the engagement announcement, and in a phone call with his little brother Ross he was sure it had come up.

She was married.

His head was spinning as he tried to comprehend that. He vaguely remembered Kade Hearth from high school as a very intelligent, high-strung man. He couldn't remember Adora or himself ever talking to him, but maybe he was wrong. He married her...

"Well, congrats. You and Kade...wow. He's a lucky guy," John managed to say with a smile once he returned to reality.

Addie nodded and traced the grains on the pine table with the tip of her pale pink nail. Her smile disappeared for the first time since he ran into her earlier that day. She bit her lip, finally looking up at him through her long, ebony eyelashes.

"You know, when I first saw you freshmen year, I thought you were just the most exquisite guy I had ever seen. And after we started dating, I was convinced I could never be happier with anyone else. I was so sure we were gonna grow up and get married someday. I had never been more sure of anything in my life," she admitted softly.

John's lips parted as he watched her wordlessly. Adora Rieder, his high school sweetheart and the most beautiful girl he had ever known was sitting there in front of him. He had promised himself if he ever got the chance to see her again, he would make things right. But like always, he was too late.

"I'm sorry A. I mean, I knew I loved you. It's just, I was so stupid and convinced I couldn't have a girlfriend and concentrate on making it with the band. I was so dumb to let you go. I mean, I love the band and everything, but you were the best thing that ever happened to me, hands down. To this day I still feel like a fucking moron for letting you go and and all the shit I put you through," he confessed, his voice hoarse and low.

"Why couldn't you have told me this sooner?" she asked, her voice thick with tears and pain. "Dammit, John!"

"I'm so, so sorry," he stressed, reaching across the table to grab her hand.

Her cerulean eyes were shiny with moisture that she was trying to keep from spilling over. It broke John's heart to know he was the reason for it. He had never seen her cry before, or at least not because of him, not even when he broke up with her.

"Are you happy?" he whispered, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "Are you happy with him?"

She gave him a broken look, her eyebrows furrowing together slightly. John held his breath; he could feel his heart beat practically in his throat as he waited for her to answer the question.

"What is happiness anyway? I mean, I thought I knew when we were together, I knew what it was like to be happy and in love and so much more. I measured happiness differently back then; now, you have to be a bit more specific.

"I have my dream job and Kade is a partner in Dad's business. We make good money, we have a nice house and everything. I mean, we're healthy, we get along with the in-laws, and we do well. Those things are supposed to make you happy, right?

"I never thought I'd be that girl who ended up with everything but was so empty inside. I never thought this was how growing up was gonna be. He's a decent guy, and he's been good to me. He gets along with Mom and Dad, hell, he works with Dad. I'm sorry, I'm rambling. I shouldn't be saying this; he's a good guy, and life is fine, everything's fine."

"Adora," John murmured seriously, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. "Do you love him?"

She hesitated, and the look in her eyes said it all. Her pearly white teeth scraped against her lips as she tried to face it. She barely admitted it to herself, let alone anyone else. She had never come to terms with it.

"No," she breathed out so quietly, John barely heard her.

"Why did you marry him?" It was John's turn to be in pain. He was so close to her, and yet, because of both of their choices, she was so out of reach.

"Why?" Her voice rose a few octaves. "After you left, I was a fucking wreck. I barely left my room, my parents had to force me to attend my classes at ASU. I almost dropped out, actually. And then, Kade started as an intern at Daddy's company. He was kind and patient and quite frankly, he was there.

"Maybe my parents pushed me to go out with him a little, I don't know. But when I finally came around, he was there. I knew I didn't love him, but I thought maybe I could one day. And my parents love him. I mean, I think my mom wanted us to get married after the first date. Dad promoted him to partner eventually, and I just felt it was the right thing to do; I felt like I really had no other choice."

"There's always a choice."

"That's easy to say, but you weren't there, John! You don't know what it was like! I didn't think you were ever coming back! I saw how well The Maine was doing, and I just knew you were gone! I couldn't make myself happy, and hell, I knew I probably would never be completely satisfied without you in my life, but by marrying Kade, I made him and Mom and Dad happy. I figured one day, maybe I could learn to be happy, too.

"But in the back of my mind, you have always been there. Do you think a day goes by that I don't realize it should be you, not him? It should have fucking been you!"

John stopped breathing for a few moments, just processing her words. Finally, he took a shaky breath and stood up. He hovered over her, his face softening as he gazed upon her tear-stained cheeks.

"I've never gotten over you. It's always been you, Adora. Always," he rushed out.

He had barely finished his little speech before her lips were upon his in the heat of the moment. He was too startled to do much of anything. She didn't know what came over her, but she couldn't stop it.

"We shouldn't-" He mumbled against her lips.

"I know," she finished for him before melting into him once more.