Rough Hands and Kind Eyes

Tess sat on her bed staring at the wall opposite her. She wasn't thinking, she could barely think of anything. She was numb. She had been in her room for two days straight thinking of her run in with Jordan and Ellie.

"I fucked up so bad," Tess mumbled.

"What?" Max Talbot asked as he came out of her bathroom.

"With Jordan," Tess stated. "I messed up so bad."

"What do you mean you messed up?" Max asked, sitting on the bed beside her. "You never wanted a relationship."

"I didn't know what I wanted," Tess replied, shaking her head. "I thought I didn't want a relationship, but seeing him with her I realize what I had."

"Honey, you didn't have anything with Staal. You two fucked around for a couple of years and when he wanted to get serious all you wanted to do was mess around and bed hop," Max stated, smiling softly. "You're not the marrying kind."

"I miss him," Tess whispered. "He was so good to me, Max! He was so good to me and I never appreciated him and now it's too late. He hates me!"

"He doesn't hate you," Max assured her.

"He does!" Tess shouted. "I went to his girlfriend's bakery to scope her out and all of a sudden I'm asking her all these questions about their relationship. I just wanted to see what the girl looked like and before I knew it I'm asking her all these questions. He makes me so crazy! And I see him with her and it drives me out of my mind."

"Why?"

"Because she's beautiful! She's exactly the person Jordan should be with," Tess cried. "She's beautiful and she makes him smile. I never made him smile like he does when he's around her. She's successful, she had a goal for herself and she achieved it. Where am I? Working at a fucking bar five nights a week."

"Don't sell yourself short, honey." Max stated. "I'm sure you're just as good as Staalsy's new girl."

"He wants to marry her, Max. He's in love with her and I can see it in the way he looks at her that he wants to wife that bitch," Tess stated. "And he'll just forget about me because I was too fucking scared to be in a relationship."

"What did you expect from him, Tess?" Max sighed, becoming fed up. "Did you expect him to sit around and wait for you to move through your trust issues? He waited years for you and you never grew the fuck up. You just tossed him around, used him when you couldn't find anyone else. You just want him now because you can't have him. Someone who treats him right has him."

"I loved him! Maybe not that way anyone else thought I should or thought that I did, but I loved him!" Tess yelled. "He could've walked away at any time! I never asked him to stay around with me all those fucking years, Max! Did you ever think of that? Did you or anyone else treating me like shit think that Jordan could have walked away when he found out when we first started hooking up that I didn't want a relationship? He could have walked away!"

Tess stood up and paced her room. She was enraged. Everyone had been treating her like she was the enemy. Sure, she'd gone a little too far going to the bakery and maybe saying the things she did to Ellie, but she never meant harm with them.

"I'm sick and tired of being the fucking wicked witch of Pittsburgh," Tess stated. "I'm a fucking person, too. Yes I made a mistake! Tess Stewart made a mistake! She jerked around the nicest man in the world and now she's paying for by watching him be in love with a fucking princess."

"You didn't realize what you had and what you wanted until it was out of reach," Max shrugged. "It happens to the best of us."

"I'm done with it!" Tess yelled. "I'm sick and tired of being treated like some cold blooded, heartless bitch. Jordan and Ellie make me crazy! They make me feel like I'm not worthy of anything, ever. I want it to be over, Max."

"Want what to be over?"

"Me," Tess replied. "I want to leave Pittsburgh."

"And go where, exactly?"

"Since Hell isn't an option right now I was thinking I'd move to Kansas and see my dad before he dies," Tess stated softly. "He's been really sick lately, maybe I'll go and take care of him. Redeem myself."

"Tess, I had no-" Max started.

"This is why I never told anyone," Tess stated, backing away from him. "I don't want anyone's sympathy. It's easier being referred to as a bitch than a helpless and needy little girl. That's why I didn't want a relationship. I don't need a man to take care of me, that's why I have a father. If I wanted a man to take care of me I'd be living in Kansas with my dad. I'm no one's 'baby' but my dad's."

"Tess," Max sighed, watching her as she cried. "How long has he been sick?"

"Since I moved to Pittsburgh a few years ago," She replied. "I left because I hated seeing him like that. It scared me. I was just a kid, Max! Jordan made it go away. Jordan made the pain of Kansas go away for a while. He made me feel like I was someone else, he didn't make me feel like I'd always be that Kansas girl. I could be whoever I wanted. Now he's gone and I'm lost."

"I'm lost without him, Max." Tess sobbed. "I don't have Jordan anymore and in a couple of months I won't have a Dad."

"Tess," Max stated, standing up and walking closer to her slowly. "I support you, no matter what you do. I think that you should apologize to Jordan and Ellie and then go home to take care of your father."

Tess nodded.

"You'll never feel better if you stay here and keep living like this," Max stated, holding her. "You need to make this right, for yourself. Not for Jordan and Ellie, but for you. It's time to face your fears, kid."

"I wish I had Jordan," She whispered. "I ruined it, Max."

"You can make it better," Max assured her. "It just takes time. Give yourself lots of time, okay?"

Tess nodded and gripped his shirt tighter.

"Don't leave me like Jordan did, okay?" Tess asked. "I need you too much."

"Don't worry," Max laughed. "I'm not the marrying kind either. I'm not going anywhere."

"Thank you, Max." Tess sighed.

"No worries," Max smiled.

Max got in bed with Tess, not to have sex, just to sleep. He held her close just as she asked and rubbed her back.

"It's okay to want someone, sweetie." Max whispered. "Not everyone will leave you. I know you love your dad and I'm so sorry that this is happening to you, but you have to give people a chance. Your dad isn't abandoning you, think of it as he's passing the torch onto another man. A stronger man, whoever he is."

Tess wished it was Jordan her father was passing the torch to.