Rough Hands and Kind Eyes

Jordan and Ellie sat on the couch in their living room looking at their Christmas tree. It was their first Christmas together and in their house. To celebrate they were having the Foresters and the Staals over for Christmas Eve and Day. They were getting their last bit of solitude before their house was crowded and filled with too many people.

"The angel is crooked," Ellie teased Jordan, looking up at him.

"You fix it then, short stuff." Jordan shot back playfully, grabbing her sides. Ellie squealed and fought his hands.

"Okay, it's fine! The angel isn't crooked!" Ellie laughed when he laid her on her back, pinning her down.

"That's what I thought," Jordan smirked, kissing her forehead. Jordan rested his head on her chest and sighed contently. He was fine with their Christmas consisting of just them together in the dark, or in the light. All depending on how Ellie felt about it.

The upcoming holiday had Jordan feeling anxious. It wasn't a feeling he was particularly used to and he didn't like it. Jordan was a confident person and could take on almost any task, but there was something about the upcoming holiday that had him in a fit. He felt crushed by it. He wasn't ready for this.

"Why did I agree with this whole big family Christmas get-together?" Jordan groaned, nuzzling his head into her neck more.

"Because you love me and you love your family," Ellie smiled. "And you've never officially met my family. You've only met my mom."

"I was hoping we could keep it that way for a while," Jordan teased. "I'm not ready to be interrogated by your older sisters and father. That's not very joyous and Christmas-like."

"Of course it is! What isn't Christmas like about feeling awkward around your significant other's family? That's what the season is all about," Ellie teased back, giving his hair a small tug.

"Shall we go for one last finally hurrah before our families invade our space and we're prohibited from having sex?" Jordan smiled, pressing their foreheads together.

"I thought you would never ask," Ellie smiled, wrapping her legs around his waist. Jordan smirked and pushed himself off of the couch, bringing her with him. He carried her with ease up to their bedroom, laying her on their bed.

He wasn't as playful as he usually was. There was something different about this time. His touches had more to them, it was almost as though he was searching for something within her. Searching for something he desperately needed. He kissed her like he needed it to stay alive.

"Baby, are you okay?" Ellie asked when he finally let her breathe.

"Yeah. I just love you," Jordan nodded, pulling her legs even tighter around his waist.

"I love you, too." Ellie stated, running her hands through his hair.

The next day the Staals arrived at the house. Ellie exchanged hugs with everyone, even little Parker and Levi.

"How is Jordan?" Linda asked as she and Ellie worked in the kitchen making some snack trays for everyone before the Forester's got there. "He looks a little lost."

"He's fine as far as he's told me!" Ellie replied. "I think if anything he's just stressed about having everyone here and meeting my dad for the first time."

"That can be very scary," Linda laughed.

"He'll be fine," Ellie smiled and looked at Jordan. He did look a little lost. He was nodding as his father and Eric were talking to him, but he didn't seem present. His eyes were staring off at something else. He wasn't there. Something was wrong.

When Linda went to take the food out to the coffee table, Ellie motioned for Jordan to come to the kitchen. He obeyed and walked over to her.

"You all right, hun?" Ellie asked, reaching up and holding his face.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Jordan asked.

"You just seem a little off today," Ellie shrugged.

"Now that you mention it, there's something I have to talk to you about." Jordan stated, putting his hands on her hips.

"Okay, baby." Ellie nodded, waiting for him to tell her. Jordan breathed in deeply and exhaled just the same. It was now or never.

Right before Jordan was about to tell her there was a knock at the door.

"That's my family!" Ellie smiled. "Can we talk in a few minutes, baby?"

Jordan nodded, ignoring the crumbling feeling he felt. He had his chance and he had last it. Who knows when he'd get her alone again. Ellie ran and met up with her family.

"Jordan," Ellie beamed, Jordan loved that she was so happy. "This is my Dad, Aaron, and these are my sisters Angela and Georgia. Scarlett will be here tomorrow."

Jordan exchanged handshakes with everyone and then a hug with her mother. The more people that came into their house the more anxious Jordan got. He felt nauseous. His breathing was heavy and he could feel a panic attack coming on. He was quickly losing control.

"Jordan," Eric stated, snapping Jordan out of his panicked trance. "Y'alright?"

"I'm going to be sick," Jordan muttered and quickly walked to the back of the house and out through their back patio doors. He stood in the cold night, revelling in the bitter cold. It immediately cooled his body and put his mind at ease.

"Honey?" Linda asked, coming outside. She put her hand on Jordan's back and stood beside him. "Are you all right?"

"Mom, I messed up." Jordan whispered, finally cracking. He started to cry, taking hold of his mother and hugging her tightly.

"What happened, Jordan?" Linda asked, holding her son.

"I don't know why I did it, but it just happened." Jordan sobbed. "I got so in over my head. I thought I was doing something good trying to be friends with Tess again. I thought that I could handle it, but I couldn't."

"Jordan, tell me what you did." Linda stated softly.

"I cheated on Ellie," Jordan sobbed.