Just You

Three days later, I sat in the day room of the mental hospital they sent me too. I knew better to protest, they would just get a court order and being involuntarily committed is one of the worst things that could happen to you. So I was in this horrible place, have been for the past two days.

Mikayla visited me yesterday and apologized for not answering her phone when I called. I should have been the one apologizing. She hasn’t known me for nearly as long as Jensen has, but nobody likes when their best friend tries to commit suicide. But the visit told me one thing; Jensen talked to her. And he hadn’t talked to me since that fight in the hospital.

It hurt, having him so mad at me. But I didn’t know how to make it right. I was so clueless as to how to fix things with him it made my head spin every time I thought about it. I’m not used to being clueless around him. Our families have known each other for a very long time, and we grew up together in Richardson, just outside of Dallas. I was a permanent stain in the Ackles’ household, growing playing baseball and lacrosse with Jensen and his brother Josh, teasing their little sister Mackenzie, watching Cowboys games…

That was, until my parents got divorced and I moved with my mother to Austin. Then high school hit, and I got insanely depressed. No friends, no boyfriend, no social life, and though I tried to talk to my mother, she didn’t listen. So I finally tried to kill myself. Over and over again. The fact I never succeeded is the reason I believe in a higher power.

But no one really trusted me after that. It took twelve years to gain that trust back, and I pissed it all away because of one asshole ex-boyfriend. So here I am, twenty-nine years old, unmarried with no kids, and in a fucking mental hospital. This wasn’t the way I wanted to live my life.

“Anjilika? You have a visitor.” I looked up from the wall I was staring at to see Scott, one of the nurses, with Jensen trailing behind him. Jensen looked like he hadn’t slept well in days. His chin was stubbly and his green eyes were dull. He ran a hand through his light brown hair as I stood and pulled up my pants. No belts and my pants tend to fall off.

“Hey Jay.” I smiled softly at him which he attempted to return.

“Why don’t you two go to your room?” Scott suggested and I nodded.

“Yeah, sounds good.” I muttered and walked across the room to the hallway that led to patient rooms. I only heard one set of feet behind me, so I assumed Scott left us to it. Jensen caught up with me easily as I turned the corner to my room, number 207. His hand found its way to my shoulder and I stopped. He turned me around and grabbed me into a hug. We stood like that for what seemed like ages, his arms around my shoulders, mine around his middle, until he pulled back.

“You look good.” He said.

“You look like shit.” He let out a bark of laughter at that.

“Thanks.” I smiled at him and ventured further into the room. I took a seat on my bed and motioned for him to do the same at the chair in front of the desk. “So, you have a roommate?”

“Yeah. Her name is Christie. She’s pretty cool.” He nodded and we sat in a silence, just staring at our feet.

“So, I came to give you something.” He said. Reaching into his back pocket, he pulled out a piece of paper folded into a square. I took it from his outstretched hand. “It’s a letter, but don’t open it now.”

“Okay.” I placed it next to me on the bed and smiled at him.

“How’s therapy going?” I shrugged at his question.

“Fine. I’ve realized that Brent isn’t worth dying over. Nobody is.”

“Glad to hear it.” His lips curved into a true, dazzling smile. “When you’re ready, I want to talk about it.”

“Me too. Just…not now.” He nodded at my words.

“So the social worker called me last night.” I looked down sheepishly.

“Yeah, you’re the only family I have in LA. I hope that’s okay.” I said, fiddling with my hands.

“Of course it is. He said something about you needing a place to stay.” I bit my lip, still looking down. “Hey look at me.” He placed a finger under my chin and pushed up. “I said yes.”

“Why?” My voice was small and hesitant. It wasn’t fair for me to stay with them; Jensen and Danneel were in love and deserved every moment alone they could find, especially since both were actors and didn’t have much time for each other.

“Because you’re my best friend and you would do the exact same thing for me.” He smiled again.

“I wouldn’t ever have to. You’re not as fucked up as I am.” He rolled those green orbs and took my hand in both his.

“You’re not fucked up. You just get sad sometimes and don’t know how to deal with it. But that’s what you’re learning, right?”

“I guess.” I shrugged. I heard motion from the doorway and looked up. My roommate Christie, a young girl with bright red hair, stood there looking very awkward.

“Oh, sorry.” She muttered. Jensen looked over his shoulder and she smiled. “Hi, I’m Christie.”

“Jensen.” She waved slightly as he introduced himself.

“I’ll leave you guys alone.” Jensen turned back to me and she gave me two thumbs up. I raised my eyebrows as she disappeared.

“So, I guess I’ll go.” He said, standing. I nodded and rose as well. He grabbed me into another tight hug as he spoke again. “You’re my best friend, you know that, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” He pulled back and smiled. “I’ll see you when you get out.”

“Bye.” I mumbled as he left me standing there, feeling slightly hopeful, yet depressed. I knew I had a long road to haul before I was anywhere near “fine”. But I wasn’t alone.

And that's what really matters.