I Could Never Pretend

Johnny collapsed into the seat beside Amelia’s bed and put his head in his hands. The frustration and tension was killing him. He didn’t know how much longer he could take this, being apart from the woman he loved. He needed her back.

He took Jeff’s gift bag from under his arm and peered inside, curious as to what it could possibly contain. Johnny smiled to himself when he saw the brightly coloured canvas. He pulled it out and instantly recognised Jeff’s distinctive style of artwork. Jeff had painted an abstract picture of Amelia and Johnny. Amelia was pointing a heart shaped camera at the figure of Johnny, who appeared to have literally fallen head over heels into a heap on the floor, love hearts floating around his head. It was touching.

Johnny turned the canvas over and on the back Jeff had written a message.

‘To Amelia, get well soon. I need my best girl back in the office! We all miss you. Lots of love, Jeff and Laura.’

Johnny made a mental note to thank Jeff for the thoughtful gift as he placed the canvas on Amelia’s bedside.

“I don’t know if you can hear me Amelia”, he sighed. “I just... I don’t know.” Johnny scratched his head nervously. “Please be ok Amelia. I can’t live without you. I know I’ve messed things up between us, but I promise I will make it up to you. I’ll do anything.”

He felt tears forming in the corners of his eyes, but he tried desperately to keep them in. “I love you Amelia”, he whispered, leaning over to kiss her cheek.

A knock on the door made Johnny jump. He rubbed his eyes quickly and sat back down before a nurse entered the room.

“Sorry honey, I didn’t mean to scare you”, she smiled sweetly.

“It’s ok”, Johnny told her. “I’m just a bit of a mess at the moment, sorry”.

“It’s perfectly understandable”, the nurse replied as she checked Amelia’s charts. “I can’t imagine what you must be going through.”

Johnny didn’t know what to say, so he stared at the floor awkwardly.

“The doctor will be along in a few minutes”, the nurse patted his shoulder as she walked past.

Johnny swallowed the painful lump in his throat. Doctor Reese had spoken to them a few days ago, telling them what to expect when they took Amelia out of her coma. It was highly unlikely that she would wake up straight away; in fact, it could be days, or even weeks until she came round fully. They would, however, be able to carry out tests to determine whether she had suffered any serious brain damage and indeed whether or not she was able to breathe for herself.

Johnny could not bear to think about the possibility of Amelia not making a full recovery. Whenever he heard the words ‘brain’ and ‘damage’ he found himself engulfed by a wave of nausea.

Before he could lose himself in his thoughts anymore, there was another knock on the door and Amelia’s parents walked in, followed by Doctor Reese. It was time.

***

Bam couldn’t stand all this waiting around either. A silent agreement had been made that Amelia’s parents and Johnny would be in the room when the doctors took Amelia out of her coma. That was fair enough, but Bam couldn’t relax and he was beginning to feel claustrophobic in the waiting room. In the end he excused himself from the others and made his way outside. He needed some air, or preferably a cigarette.

Bam was in such a day dream as walked towards the outdoor smoking area that he nearly walked straight into a paramedic coming the other way.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry!” Bam apologised, coming to a halt just before he crashed into the dark haired woman.

“It’s ok”, she smiled politely, continuing to walk past. “Wait, Bam? Is that you?” The woman turned back and stared at him.

Bam had to blink several times before he realised the paramedic he had nearly walked into was in fact Melissa. He hadn’t seen her since the night of the accident and he had to admit, he hadn’t been paying much attention to what she looked like at the time.

“Melissa!” he smiled in surprise, taking off his shades. “It’s good to see you.”

“It is you”, she laughed, walking back to him. “I almost didn’t recognise you in those things. I suppose the cast should have been a giveaway.”

Bam pocketed his sunglasses and glanced at his broken arm. “It’s a giveaway all right.”

“So how have you been?” She asked, running a hand through her short black hair. Her genuinely caring tone took Bam by surprise.

“Not bad considering”, Bam shrugged slightly. “This thing is a pain in the ass though”, he grimaced, referring to his cast.

“I’ll bet”, she laughed. “Hey, I don’t suppose you fancy grabbing a coffee do you?” Melissa suggested. “I’ve just finished my shift and I’m in desperate need of a caffeine fix.”

Bam considered this for a moment. What he really wanted was a cigarette, but he supposed that caffeine would probably do the trick just as well. After all, he didn’t think that Melissa would approve of his smoking habit.

“Sure”, he agreed, confused as to why he cared so much about what she thought of him.

Bam followed her back inside and took a seat in the hospital cafe while Melissa fetched two mugs of cappuccino.

“It’s funny that I just bumped into you Bam”, she told him as she sipped her coffee. “I was thinking about you earlier.”

“You were?” Bam looked at her, puzzled. He hadn’t noticed before how blue her eyes were.

“Yeah. You were in a pretty bad way the last time I saw you. I was worried about you and I was just wondering how you were getting on.”

“I’m fine”, Bam couldn’t help but smile as he sipped his own coffee. It was frankly ridiculous that someone he’d met just the once could really care about him, but he appreciated the sentiment.

“And your wife?” Melissa asked tentatively.

“They’re taking her out of her coma today”, Bam explained, staring into his coffee mug. “That’s why I was wandering around with my head in the clouds I guess.”

Melissa nodded understandingly. “I hope it goes ok”, she told him, putting her hand on his briefly.

“Thanks”, he mumbled, feeling a little awkward.

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to”, Melissa told him kindly. “You can tell me to get lost if I’m bothering you.”

“No it’s ok.” Bam didn’t want her to leave. To be honest it was nice to have some company other than Knoxville and family. “I’m just not very good talking about feelings and shit”, he laughed slightly, swirling the little wooden stick around in his coffee.

“Men!” Melissa teased. “So were abouts in LA are you staying?”

“Beverly Hills”, Bam shrugged. He realised he was feeling self conscious around her. Since when did Bam Margera ever feel self conscious?

“Nice. Celebrity central. I guess I forgot about you being famous and everything”, she laughed and pushed her hair out of her eyes.

Bam remembered her telling him she’d never seen any of his shows before. It was quite refreshing to be around someone who didn’t see him as a celebrity.

“I suppose it has its moments”, he laughed. “It’s not my house though, so sorry to disappoint you. I’m staying with... a friend.”

“A friend? Intriguing. Are they as famous as you?” she teased him again, flashing a cheeky grin.

He liked her innocent sense of humour. She was incredibly easy to talk to. “He wishes he was as famous as me”, Bam pretended to scoff. “It’s Johnny Knoxville.”

“Of course”, Melissa remembered Bam’s concussed ramblings. “Isn’t he your wife’s...”

“Boyfriend”, Bam laughed. He couldn’t help himself. He was fully aware of the comedic value of the situation.

“So you’re actually living with him?” Melissa leaned forwards curiously. “You weren’t particularly complimentary about him when we were talking the other week.”

“We patched things up I guess”, Bam told her, the laughter wearing off. “The accident has put a shit load of things into perspective for me.” He stopped talking quickly before he said anything embarrassing.

“That’s good to hear”, she smiled. “How’s Brandon?”

“Missing his mom”, Bam sighed gently, rubbing his temple.

“I’m not surprised”, Melissa frowned. “It must be tough on him. Speaking of kids, I have to go and pick mine up from school”, she laughed after glancing at her watch.

“You have kids? I don’t remember you telling me”, Bam looked at her, puzzled. He was sure he would have remembered something like that. She didn’t look old enough to have kids.

“I didn’t tell you”, she laughed, finishing off her coffee. “You had enough on your mind.”

“How many do you have?” he asked her, feeling rude for not knowing anything about this woman. He didn’t even know her second name.

“Two”, she smiled. “Kimberly’s six and Jackson’s five”, Melissa pulled a photo out of her pocket and showed Bam.

“Cute kids”, he nodded at the picture of two dark haired children staring goofily at the camera. They had their mother’s eyes.

“Thanks. They get it all from me, not their asshole of a father”, she assured him.

Bam wanted to ask more, but Melissa cut him off. “I’ve really got to dash, sorry Bam. Look, if you ever need to talk, or you just want to hang out while you’re in LA, why don’t you give me a call. You can get my home number from reception if you just ask for Melissa Matthews.”

“Uh ok, thanks”, Bam watched her get up from her seat and grab her backpack.

She pecked him on the cheek and before he could say another word she was hurrying towards the exit.

***

Just like Doctor Reese had warned, Amelia had not come round immediately. She was taken for a range of tests and scans while Johnny, Lisa and Steve waited anxiously for the results. It felt like a lifetime had passed before they heard anything. Johnny had nearly worn a ditch in the floor from his incessant pacing. When Doctor Reese entered the room, the three of them jumped up as if they’d been electrified.

“You’ll be relieved to know that the tests showed no visible signs of any serious damage”, Doctor Reese told them as Amelia’s bed was wheeled back into the room. “What’s more, the swelling to her brain hasn’t returned, which is a very good sign.”

“So it’s good news?” Lisa asked, looking at the doctor with hope shining in her eyes.

“It’s still very early to say,” Doctor Reese said gently, gesturing for her to sit back down. “We don’t know anything for sure until your daughter wakes up. However, I’ve had similar patients who have made full recoveries in the past, so I’m very hopeful.”

Lisa and Steve looked at each other and held hands; the relief was evident on their faces. Johnny felt himself breathe a little sigh of relief too. It was the best news they could have hoped for really.

“As I’ve said before, it can sometimes take weeks for patients to wake up from induced comas”, Doctor Reese reminded them. “The best thing you can do is to keep talking to her. There’s a good chance she might be able to hear you. Familiar voices often help comatose patients to come round.”

Johnny nodded his understanding. “Thanks doctor”, he said, shaking Reese’s hand.

“I’ll be in to check on her regularly. If anything changes, just press the call button for a nurse.” With that, Doctor Reese took his leave.

Lisa walked over to her daughter’s bed. “Oh Amelia baby, it’s going to be ok”, she smiled, stroking Amelia’s cheek. “We’re all here for you sweetheart.” Steve stood up and joined his wife, putting a comforting arm around her.

Johnny decided to give them some time alone with Amelia. “I’ve got some calls to make”, he explained, before leaving the room. He knew that Jeff and everyone at the office were desperate to hear from him and he didn’t want to make them wait any longer. Besides which, he needed a smoke.

Bam was sitting on a bench outside the hospital. He hadn’t worked up the courage to go back to the ward yet, so he was somewhat relieved when he saw Johnny approaching him.

“Well?” Bam demanded as Johnny took a seat beside him.

Johnny repeated what Doctor Reese had said while crashing a cigarette from Bam.

“So it’s good news?” Bam asked, just like Lisa had.

Johnny exhaled a large cloud of smoke from his lungs. “At the moment”, he nodded.

“Well that’s something”, Bam leant back against the bench as relief washed over him. He closed his eyes and rubbed his head with his good arm.

“Yup”, Johnny agreed as he started flicking through his phone for Jeff’s number.

“Have you seen the vans?” Bam asked, gesturing across the hospital car park.

Since Johnny had arrived several hours ago, a couple more paparazzi vans had arrived.

“Great”, Johnny sighed. “That’s just what she needs.” Why couldn’t they catch a break?

“I don’t know what story they think they’ve got”, Bam shook his head. “But I think they’ve seen me and Dunn. At least they can’t get in the hospital.”

“I’ve not seen any news all week, so who knows what rumours are going round”, Johnny frowned. “I guess we need to make some kind of statement to get them off our backs.”

Bam nodded his agreement and starting lighting up another cigarette. “Whatever you tell them I’m sure they’ll have a field day.”

“You can say that again”, Johnny rolled his eyes. “I’ll ask Jeff to figure something out.”